Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Monday, 1 September 2008
Eating......Too Little vs Too Much
Adam and MummyMy husband has always called me "The grass is greener girl". He reckons I am always envious of what I don't have, I have always thought it was just a girl thing.... you know... I have dark hair/wanted blond hair like my sister...... I had enormous breasts/wanted average size ones.... I had straight hair/wanted curly.... I am large/wanted to be petite... and so on.
Lately I have been thinking a bit more into this, before I was banded all I wanted was to not eat so much, I would eat and eat and still want to eat but hated myself at the same time. I thought if only I was banded I wouldn't be hungry and wanted so badly not to eat. Then once I was banded and had a few fills I couldn't eat so much, and all I wanted to do was sit and eat a decent sized meal.
During my banded time I have had quite a few adjustments, initially I went up to 7mls in a 10ml band and was literally not eating anything, my hair was falling out and my body stopped loosing weight ... shut down I think. I then wised up and have been sitting on 5-5.5mls on and off for quiet a while. Back in Feb I had a stomach virus and the vomiting caused swelling and irritation to the point where I had to have a few mls taken out, during this time I ate like a horse and gained 7kg in a very short period of time. I LOVED the eating but at the same time wished I could eat less.
And so this is how I spend my time.... whilst restricted I wish I wasn't and whilst loose enough to eat semi heartily I wish I could eat less...
This week I had another 0.3mls put into the band and by Friday I was quiet restricted, not being used to it (cause ya brain conveniently forgets what it's like) I had a bit of a regurg and spent yesterday not able to eat anything and drinking was almost difficult... and you guessed it I spent the day BITCHING that I couldn't eat. A good nights rest and this morning I had a cup of tea (just to test) and all was good, I then backed that up with a Macca's thick shake while i was out and about 10 rice crackers with Blue Castello when I got home.... NOW I wished I couldn't eat....
God help me I piss myself off, I can only imagine what I have been doing to my poor husband for the last 15 years....
But that's between me and you okay !!!!
Cheers Tarn xxx
P.s. scales have moved, but that was pre Castello !!!
Friday, 29 August 2008
Slow & Steady Hasn't Won This Race
A few months ago I was running my band fairly tight, I wasn't eating a lot, and rarely hungry. I was having chuck ups though and my food regime was very limited. BUT I was loosing weight.
My gorgeous friend Trish at this time was having alot of troubles with her band and experiencing more and more pain every day (and this had been happening for a while with tests revealing nothing). It all came to a head with her having emergency surgery after her Dr realised that the band had slipped. He decided to do a readjustment leaving the band unclipped (to wait for the swelling to subside) rather that a full replacement or removal(as he threatened). 6 or 8 weeks later Trish had another op to clip the band up and after a few dramas here and there she is thankfully back on track.
When this all happened I freaked out, her Dr had accused her of bringing this on herself from vomiting and wanting too much too fast (which was horse shit in her circumstance). This is where I judged myself as being. I was too restricted and wanting desperately to loose weight FAST. So with a bit of a wake up call at the expense of poor Trish, I had 1ml taken out of my band. This allowed me to eat more, which I sorely craved..... and this also stopped the weight loss.
For the last few months I have eaten lots of my favourite foods (except bread) and enjoyed way too many alcoholic beverages... but boy I have enjoyed it.
Now.... I want to get back on track. The days are getting warmed, the jumpers aren't so thick and I want to be a size 14......actually I want to be a size 12, but I will settle for a 14 in the mean time.
Size 14 shorts..... size 14 sleeveless tank top ........ size 14 undies..... and size 14 bra.
This is my short term goal before summer starts.
I went to see Dr Fill (I love you Dr Fill)on Tuesday and had another 0.3mls put into the band, this brings me up to 5.8mls. I wasn't sure it had made too much of a difference until I went out to dinner tonight, 3 mouthfuls in and I was full...... that was it... so it was a doggy bag for Tarnya. So now it starts, hopefully I am restricted enough to cut down on my intake and with the exercise I have promised myself to do (god help me) those scales are going down baby.... way down.
See ya when I am lighter
Cheers Tarn xxx
My gorgeous friend Trish at this time was having alot of troubles with her band and experiencing more and more pain every day (and this had been happening for a while with tests revealing nothing). It all came to a head with her having emergency surgery after her Dr realised that the band had slipped. He decided to do a readjustment leaving the band unclipped (to wait for the swelling to subside) rather that a full replacement or removal(as he threatened). 6 or 8 weeks later Trish had another op to clip the band up and after a few dramas here and there she is thankfully back on track.
When this all happened I freaked out, her Dr had accused her of bringing this on herself from vomiting and wanting too much too fast (which was horse shit in her circumstance). This is where I judged myself as being. I was too restricted and wanting desperately to loose weight FAST. So with a bit of a wake up call at the expense of poor Trish, I had 1ml taken out of my band. This allowed me to eat more, which I sorely craved..... and this also stopped the weight loss.
For the last few months I have eaten lots of my favourite foods (except bread) and enjoyed way too many alcoholic beverages... but boy I have enjoyed it.
Now.... I want to get back on track. The days are getting warmed, the jumpers aren't so thick and I want to be a size 14......actually I want to be a size 12, but I will settle for a 14 in the mean time.
Size 14 shorts..... size 14 sleeveless tank top ........ size 14 undies..... and size 14 bra.
This is my short term goal before summer starts.
I went to see Dr Fill (I love you Dr Fill)on Tuesday and had another 0.3mls put into the band, this brings me up to 5.8mls. I wasn't sure it had made too much of a difference until I went out to dinner tonight, 3 mouthfuls in and I was full...... that was it... so it was a doggy bag for Tarnya. So now it starts, hopefully I am restricted enough to cut down on my intake and with the exercise I have promised myself to do (god help me) those scales are going down baby.... way down.
See ya when I am lighter
Cheers Tarn xxx
Thursday, 28 August 2008
The Return of The Absent Blogger
I can't believe it's been 3 months since I last posted.... But I have reappeared...Here is my excuse.
I have 2 boys aged 10 and 11 who are gorgeous, feral, active and I absolutely adore them. I also had a baby boy 15 years ago, I was newly married and very young. I started suffering with pre-eclampsia at 24 weeks pregnant and by 26 weeks had gone into Kidney and Liver failure, so the decision was made to have an emergency Caesar to save my life. Mitchell David Haines was born at 7.10pm on 10th July 1993 weighing 900g and breathed his only struggled breaths for 30 minutes before passing away in my husbands arms whilst I was struggling with my own life in ICU.
Dealing with your own near death experience can be a dramatic thing, afterwards you feel enlightened, uplifted and ready to make the big decisions to change ones life for the better. I had honestly thought I was going to die, I had Drs discussing my percentage chances of survival, with me in the same room, My last thoughts before going under anaesthetic was "how will my husband live through loosing me and the baby". So to come out the other side was truly a bonus.
I then shut out my emotions of loosing my baby, I agreed to nurse him during those early hours in ICU but don't remember anything more than the shape and the colour of the blanket, I was 22 and too scared to look at this poor, tiny, perfectly formed baby, so don't have that visual/emotional memory of him . All I have is a photo, footprint, hand print and a shaving of his blond hair.
Afterwards it was hard to get a grip on my emotions, I was thrilled to be alive and have a second chance with the love of my life, but felt guilty about feeling this way when I had just lost my baby. Looking back I don't think I ever really dealt with my emotions and started a rather large trend of "It's Ok I can cope"
4 years later I felt strong enough to try again, and after a barrage of test on every part of my anatomy was told that the possibility of it happening again with the same partner was VERY rare. I fell pregnant with Adam and was in pregnancy heaven (amongst vomiting every day for 26 weeks) until 30 weeks when the symptoms started again. High blood pressure, protein in my urine , reduced urinary output and general unwell. Adam was born on 15th August, 9 weeks premature weighting 1830g (3lb 10oz) and the sight of him was just amazing. I had never felt so scared as when they said I was going to have him so early. I had envisioned empty arms again. But thankfully blessed with this little angel (ppft I can't believe he was ever so tiny, hopeless and not the monster he can be now at times).
He was in NICU for 4 weeks and those were 4 very hard empty armed weeks for a new mother, pining for her long awaited baby. Emotionally I coped alright with this, as I had a goal of this tiny perfect baby at the end of the long wait. I travelled 40min every day to see him and stayed at the hospital from 7 am till 4pm feed. I would then go home make dinner and my husband and I would go back to the hospital to do last feed at night. But it's what I had to do and I got my baby home in the end.
6 months later after feeling shocking for 2 weeks the Dr gave me the delightful news that I was pregnant again (to my horror). I was told that there is NO WAY pre-eclampsia could happen AGAIN. Well it did. Cameron was born 5th August at 3o weeks weighing 1800g (3lb 9oz) after me being hospitalized and away from my 10 month old baby for 3 weeks. There were no available neonatal beds at JHH and I was sent over 2 hrs away to Liverpool hospital for Cam to be born.
I was away from my baby, family, friends, and for a lot of the time my husband(who I sent home to look after Adam) It was the worst hospital I have ever been to, filled with the rudest, most uncaring staff members I have ever met. I did not have a phone to be contacted on and was not forwarded any messages from anybody who tried to contact me. When I cried about my situation I was told they were too busy and that the payphone was in the foyer. I was told to make my own way to NICU which was 2 flights up and on the other side of the hospital, with 1 day old Caesar scar and a recently dysfunctioning liver and kidney mind you.
The emotions that I had sucked up and tucked away from my previous experiences came to a head and I ended up with post natal depression. 2 babies under the age of 1 and fear of telling people I wasn't coping brought me to meltdown when Cam was 4 months old. I was basically a mess, having anxiety attacks and the whole time being in denial of what was happening. With counselling and a lot of hard work I dragged my way through and have been a fairly good mum.
NOW...... the reason I just unloaded this was to give you some incite to my mental instability...lol...no really... I mean I wanted to let you know that I have suffered anxiety and depression in the past and for 8 years have had only minor hiccups but coped fairly well.
Until May...
I started to take on too much at work, became secretary for the footy club and President for the P&C, was struggling a little with my band and all of a sudden I had a meltdown. I had anxiety attacks (which I hadn't had for many many years) and basically disliked everybody (except immediate family). I couldn't cope with talking to anybody on the phone, and if asked a question that needed an answer I was a blob of jelly.
So for the last few months I have been on the mend, trying to take it easy and learn to say NO... It's funny, you don't realise how much people expect of you until you pull back. I basically didn't put myself out there for anybody except David and my boys and some people (the takers in our lives) really resented it.
I feel great now. I took the boys away to the Gold Coast in July for a holiday while my husband went fishing in Darwin. He flew in and met us on his way home and we had a few days together before driving home. I really needed it. To get away from everything and just ENJOY your kids for a change is wonderful. The boys were protective and helpful(under instruction from Dad) and treated me like a queen...God I love em !!!!
SO...I am back... I will try and be more regular with my posts, and will try and catch you up on how my banding experience is going.
Hope I haven't bored you to tears
Cheers Tarn xxxx
I have 2 boys aged 10 and 11 who are gorgeous, feral, active and I absolutely adore them. I also had a baby boy 15 years ago, I was newly married and very young. I started suffering with pre-eclampsia at 24 weeks pregnant and by 26 weeks had gone into Kidney and Liver failure, so the decision was made to have an emergency Caesar to save my life. Mitchell David Haines was born at 7.10pm on 10th July 1993 weighing 900g and breathed his only struggled breaths for 30 minutes before passing away in my husbands arms whilst I was struggling with my own life in ICU.
Dealing with your own near death experience can be a dramatic thing, afterwards you feel enlightened, uplifted and ready to make the big decisions to change ones life for the better. I had honestly thought I was going to die, I had Drs discussing my percentage chances of survival, with me in the same room, My last thoughts before going under anaesthetic was "how will my husband live through loosing me and the baby". So to come out the other side was truly a bonus.
I then shut out my emotions of loosing my baby, I agreed to nurse him during those early hours in ICU but don't remember anything more than the shape and the colour of the blanket, I was 22 and too scared to look at this poor, tiny, perfectly formed baby, so don't have that visual/emotional memory of him . All I have is a photo, footprint, hand print and a shaving of his blond hair.
Afterwards it was hard to get a grip on my emotions, I was thrilled to be alive and have a second chance with the love of my life, but felt guilty about feeling this way when I had just lost my baby. Looking back I don't think I ever really dealt with my emotions and started a rather large trend of "It's Ok I can cope"
4 years later I felt strong enough to try again, and after a barrage of test on every part of my anatomy was told that the possibility of it happening again with the same partner was VERY rare. I fell pregnant with Adam and was in pregnancy heaven (amongst vomiting every day for 26 weeks) until 30 weeks when the symptoms started again. High blood pressure, protein in my urine , reduced urinary output and general unwell. Adam was born on 15th August, 9 weeks premature weighting 1830g (3lb 10oz) and the sight of him was just amazing. I had never felt so scared as when they said I was going to have him so early. I had envisioned empty arms again. But thankfully blessed with this little angel (ppft I can't believe he was ever so tiny, hopeless and not the monster he can be now at times).
He was in NICU for 4 weeks and those were 4 very hard empty armed weeks for a new mother, pining for her long awaited baby. Emotionally I coped alright with this, as I had a goal of this tiny perfect baby at the end of the long wait. I travelled 40min every day to see him and stayed at the hospital from 7 am till 4pm feed. I would then go home make dinner and my husband and I would go back to the hospital to do last feed at night. But it's what I had to do and I got my baby home in the end.
6 months later after feeling shocking for 2 weeks the Dr gave me the delightful news that I was pregnant again (to my horror). I was told that there is NO WAY pre-eclampsia could happen AGAIN. Well it did. Cameron was born 5th August at 3o weeks weighing 1800g (3lb 9oz) after me being hospitalized and away from my 10 month old baby for 3 weeks. There were no available neonatal beds at JHH and I was sent over 2 hrs away to Liverpool hospital for Cam to be born.
I was away from my baby, family, friends, and for a lot of the time my husband(who I sent home to look after Adam) It was the worst hospital I have ever been to, filled with the rudest, most uncaring staff members I have ever met. I did not have a phone to be contacted on and was not forwarded any messages from anybody who tried to contact me. When I cried about my situation I was told they were too busy and that the payphone was in the foyer. I was told to make my own way to NICU which was 2 flights up and on the other side of the hospital, with 1 day old Caesar scar and a recently dysfunctioning liver and kidney mind you.
The emotions that I had sucked up and tucked away from my previous experiences came to a head and I ended up with post natal depression. 2 babies under the age of 1 and fear of telling people I wasn't coping brought me to meltdown when Cam was 4 months old. I was basically a mess, having anxiety attacks and the whole time being in denial of what was happening. With counselling and a lot of hard work I dragged my way through and have been a fairly good mum.
NOW...... the reason I just unloaded this was to give you some incite to my mental instability...lol...no really... I mean I wanted to let you know that I have suffered anxiety and depression in the past and for 8 years have had only minor hiccups but coped fairly well.
Until May...
I started to take on too much at work, became secretary for the footy club and President for the P&C, was struggling a little with my band and all of a sudden I had a meltdown. I had anxiety attacks (which I hadn't had for many many years) and basically disliked everybody (except immediate family). I couldn't cope with talking to anybody on the phone, and if asked a question that needed an answer I was a blob of jelly.
So for the last few months I have been on the mend, trying to take it easy and learn to say NO... It's funny, you don't realise how much people expect of you until you pull back. I basically didn't put myself out there for anybody except David and my boys and some people (the takers in our lives) really resented it.
I feel great now. I took the boys away to the Gold Coast in July for a holiday while my husband went fishing in Darwin. He flew in and met us on his way home and we had a few days together before driving home. I really needed it. To get away from everything and just ENJOY your kids for a change is wonderful. The boys were protective and helpful(under instruction from Dad) and treated me like a queen...God I love em !!!!
SO...I am back... I will try and be more regular with my posts, and will try and catch you up on how my banding experience is going.
Hope I haven't bored you to tears
Cheers Tarn xxxx
Sunday, 11 May 2008
Bandiversary
Well folks it's been 1 year since I had little Freddy inserted into my belly, and what an eventful year it has been.
I have
Lost 27 kg
Felt sexier
Got heaps of compliments
Gone down 4 dress sizes
Gone down a shoe size
Been told I look younger
Been hit on twice whilst out
Met a banded friend that I could now not live without
met lots of new and interesting people
struggled with food
Bought my first pair of proper jeans
bought my first belt
had heaps of ups and downs
Been told that my kids are proud of me
Had better sex than for a long time
bought a push up bra (OMG)
bought sexy underwear
and.....
never been unhappy with my decision to have to operation.....
So all in all its been eventful, trying, hard, enjoying, emotional and liberating. I am so glad I did it and I can not believe it's been 1 year already. I am absolutely positive I would be still 115kg if not more if I had not had the lap band, possibly starting diabetes medication and who knows...maybe even blood pressure meds. So I am thrilled.
I started writing this blog for my own benefit originally as I needed to vent and I hadn't told any of my friends. I really have found it very therapeutic just writing this stuff as well as all the VERY positive feedback I have gotten from everybody. I want to thank you all for visiting and sharing my journey, for encouraging me and supporting me. I also hoped in a small and unromantic way that perhaps I was helping others out there going through the same thing or thinking about having the op that it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops... but that it was still all good....
My goal now in the next year is to (of course) loose some more weight. I would like to be 79kg that's just under 10kg away, I want to be fitter, which won't be hard cause I am a lazy bitch at the moment. I want to get a quote on a tummy tuck.... cause I am sick to fucking tired of having an apron tummy(don't start the exercise shit with me ... I know already).
I am proud of me.....
Happy Bandiversary to me !!!!!
Tarn xxx
I have
Lost 27 kg
Felt sexier
Got heaps of compliments
Gone down 4 dress sizes
Gone down a shoe size
Been told I look younger
Been hit on twice whilst out
Met a banded friend that I could now not live without
met lots of new and interesting people
struggled with food
Bought my first pair of proper jeans
bought my first belt
had heaps of ups and downs
Been told that my kids are proud of me
Had better sex than for a long time
bought a push up bra (OMG)
bought sexy underwear
and.....
never been unhappy with my decision to have to operation.....
So all in all its been eventful, trying, hard, enjoying, emotional and liberating. I am so glad I did it and I can not believe it's been 1 year already. I am absolutely positive I would be still 115kg if not more if I had not had the lap band, possibly starting diabetes medication and who knows...maybe even blood pressure meds. So I am thrilled.
I started writing this blog for my own benefit originally as I needed to vent and I hadn't told any of my friends. I really have found it very therapeutic just writing this stuff as well as all the VERY positive feedback I have gotten from everybody. I want to thank you all for visiting and sharing my journey, for encouraging me and supporting me. I also hoped in a small and unromantic way that perhaps I was helping others out there going through the same thing or thinking about having the op that it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops... but that it was still all good....
My goal now in the next year is to (of course) loose some more weight. I would like to be 79kg that's just under 10kg away, I want to be fitter, which won't be hard cause I am a lazy bitch at the moment. I want to get a quote on a tummy tuck.... cause I am sick to fucking tired of having an apron tummy(don't start the exercise shit with me ... I know already).
I am proud of me.....
Happy Bandiversary to me !!!!!
Tarn xxx
Friday, 2 May 2008
I am Back
Okay I know... I am a slack ass lazy blogger..!!..
All I get is ...where are you Tarn?
Whats happened Tarn ?
Why not updates Tarn?
Never fear...all is good
Since the gastro bug life has been interesting, as I said, I had 5 mls taken out to relieve swelling from throwing up. I had no fill for 3 weeks.... OH MY GOD it was heaven. I could eat almost anything and everything and loved it (no wonder I am fat). in those 3 weeks I put on 6kg...can you believe it ?
I went back to Tony and had 3 mls put back in and then 2 weeks after that 1 ml and then 1ml a week after that, and all was good. That bought me up to Easter. A week later I seem to hit restriction all of a sudden and was really struggling with solids but decided to sit it out (as uncomfortable as I was) The weight was moving and I lost the 6kg that I had put on due to over indulgence.
My girlfriend Trish during all this time was having huge problems, and in severe pain. She thought she either had gall stones or a slipped band, but barium swallow and ultra sound said otherwise. 3 trips to the emergency rooms finally had her surgeon deciding that it WAS a slipped band and she was taken into surgery to have it taken out. Whilst in there he had a change of heart and realigned the band and left it unclipped to allow for the swelling to subside (they think she may have had a slipped band since October the poor thing).
This was a bit of a wake up call for me, I had been sitting on very high restriction and vomiting frequently for a week or so, and when I heard about Trish I rang Dr Tony straight away and had 1ml taken out. The relief was incredible...... you don't realise how uncomfortable it is until it is released a little and it feels like you can breath again.... like wearing tight jeans, while you have them on they are okay, but the minute you take them off ...it's thank fuck for that!!!
I have gained 2 kg and am sitting on 90kg..... I really wanted 85 for my birthday (last week) but it didn't happen...oh well.... it's not the end of the world nor the end of my story... I will get there, but it is going to be really slow for a while. Dr Tony will now only put 0.2mls at a time from now on and wants to do them at least 2-3 weeks apart due to my 2 weeks later restriction habit I have.
SO...... this is the reason I haven't been on here..... I have been unhappy (but not angry) with my progress, and somewhat busy as well. To tell you the truth it's hard to write on here when you don't feel like you are succeeding, it's way easier when things are going great and your frickin head is the size of the Goodyear blimp because you are doing swell.....
so sorry guys, it's just been a hick up in the road to skinny.... but I am back on track.....
1 week to my Bandiversary.....Omg... ! Year
Ciao Bella's
Tarn xxx
All I get is ...where are you Tarn?
Whats happened Tarn ?
Why not updates Tarn?
Never fear...all is good
Since the gastro bug life has been interesting, as I said, I had 5 mls taken out to relieve swelling from throwing up. I had no fill for 3 weeks.... OH MY GOD it was heaven. I could eat almost anything and everything and loved it (no wonder I am fat). in those 3 weeks I put on 6kg...can you believe it ?
I went back to Tony and had 3 mls put back in and then 2 weeks after that 1 ml and then 1ml a week after that, and all was good. That bought me up to Easter. A week later I seem to hit restriction all of a sudden and was really struggling with solids but decided to sit it out (as uncomfortable as I was) The weight was moving and I lost the 6kg that I had put on due to over indulgence.
My girlfriend Trish during all this time was having huge problems, and in severe pain. She thought she either had gall stones or a slipped band, but barium swallow and ultra sound said otherwise. 3 trips to the emergency rooms finally had her surgeon deciding that it WAS a slipped band and she was taken into surgery to have it taken out. Whilst in there he had a change of heart and realigned the band and left it unclipped to allow for the swelling to subside (they think she may have had a slipped band since October the poor thing).
This was a bit of a wake up call for me, I had been sitting on very high restriction and vomiting frequently for a week or so, and when I heard about Trish I rang Dr Tony straight away and had 1ml taken out. The relief was incredible...... you don't realise how uncomfortable it is until it is released a little and it feels like you can breath again.... like wearing tight jeans, while you have them on they are okay, but the minute you take them off ...it's thank fuck for that!!!
I have gained 2 kg and am sitting on 90kg..... I really wanted 85 for my birthday (last week) but it didn't happen...oh well.... it's not the end of the world nor the end of my story... I will get there, but it is going to be really slow for a while. Dr Tony will now only put 0.2mls at a time from now on and wants to do them at least 2-3 weeks apart due to my 2 weeks later restriction habit I have.
SO...... this is the reason I haven't been on here..... I have been unhappy (but not angry) with my progress, and somewhat busy as well. To tell you the truth it's hard to write on here when you don't feel like you are succeeding, it's way easier when things are going great and your frickin head is the size of the Goodyear blimp because you are doing swell.....
so sorry guys, it's just been a hick up in the road to skinny.... but I am back on track.....
1 week to my Bandiversary.....Omg... ! Year
Ciao Bella's
Tarn xxx
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
I'm Feeling Better..... BUT !!!!
Firstly I have to say sorry about the picture on the last post...... it was Gross I know, I think maybe I was still under the weather...lol
I am feeling soooooo much better, but in saying that I have an appetite like hell. All I want is food. I spent 2 whole days where nothing past my lips, add in no restriction and you have a lions hunger.......
Yesterday I had a few slices of cheese for lunch, and a weight watchers chicken Risotto for dinner and went to bed at about 9.30, I was up at 10 pacing the house wanting food. My appetite came back with avengance. I made myself a cuppa and tried to be satisfied with that and have woken this morning feeling like I could sit down to Bacon and eggs with a side pancakes....
I am now going to make myself some scrambled eggs (which I forever have trouble with when restricted) and try try try not to over indulge myself today. I had dreams of KFC Zinger burgers last night and Roast Lamb last night...lol .....Exactly... IN MY DREAMS !!!!
Ok... I am off to enjoy a breakfast for the first time in 6 months...
Tarn xxx
I am feeling soooooo much better, but in saying that I have an appetite like hell. All I want is food. I spent 2 whole days where nothing past my lips, add in no restriction and you have a lions hunger.......
Yesterday I had a few slices of cheese for lunch, and a weight watchers chicken Risotto for dinner and went to bed at about 9.30, I was up at 10 pacing the house wanting food. My appetite came back with avengance. I made myself a cuppa and tried to be satisfied with that and have woken this morning feeling like I could sit down to Bacon and eggs with a side pancakes....
I am now going to make myself some scrambled eggs (which I forever have trouble with when restricted) and try try try not to over indulge myself today. I had dreams of KFC Zinger burgers last night and Roast Lamb last night...lol .....Exactly... IN MY DREAMS !!!!
Ok... I am off to enjoy a breakfast for the first time in 6 months...
Tarn xxx
Monday, 25 February 2008
My Friend RALPH !!!!..... NOT !!!
AAAARRRGHHH !!!
I am so crook. I always wondered what would happen or how I would cope if I got a gastro/stomach bug..... well now I know!!!!
I went to work Saturday morning and came home and had some Sumin noodles in a cup, that was all I felt like, but after eating about a quarter I felt sick and threw up. I put this down to the band as sometimes I can eat noodles and other times the band just hates them. We were having visitors for dinner, so I made nibbles tray, a kick ass potato bake, creek salad and and chili cheese pull-apart (all of which I wouldn't be able to eat but hey... you gotta look after your guests)
All was going well, I managed some feta, tomato and avocado, but the whole time felt queasy. Just before they all left at about 11pm I started to vomit (again thought it was the band and that I was just not tolerating food). When we went to bed I started getting reflux and the heartburn was incredible, I have never felt anything like this. If that wasn't pure acid in my mouth I know nothin'. I then started vomiting every 15-20 min, and the nausea was awful. I finally laid on the lounge at about 5 and dosed.
Dave woke me at 6.30 and took me to bed after I chucked once again. I then slept till 11am (poor kids occupied themselves) After I got up I noticed my tummy was really sore, not unlike you would expect after a night of vomiting, I managed maybe 2 small sips of water which hurt my raw throat and struggled down my tummy. Later about 2 pm it all started to go terribly wrong.
I couldn't keep anything down.... I was in pain in my chest and abdomen.... and I was struggling to swallow my saliva.... I was obviously swollen...NOT GOOD !!
I rang Dr Fill on his mobile number and he told me he was in Sydney 2 hrs away(with his colleagues) at a conference and wouldn't be home til 8.30 that night but wanted to meet me. I struggled through till then and Dave drove me over to the surgery to meet this poor man that had been working all weekend at 8.30pm on a Sunday night. I felt really bad. He was great about it, told me I had done the right thing and that he didn't want me in pain.
He decided to take all my fill out (horror horror) I started to tear up, lip quivering , and he tells me not to worry he will put the whole lot back in on Tuesday if I am better, but that I couldn't go on as I was, it was likely that I would swell more before it subsided. Because I trusted him I relented.
There was instant nausea as he withdrew the 5 mls ( he left 0.4mls in there) it was like he was sucking out my lifes blood it was that dramatic..lol maybe not dramatic... but a huge difference. The release of pressure was instant. He then asked me to drink some water slowly and amazingly enough it went down. I thanked him and thanked him and apologised for inconveniencing him and went home and slept like a baby.
I am so lucky to have a great Dr like him...... I can't say enough about him... he is WONDERFUL. Today I feel much better, I am drinking and eating, but still exhausted and washed out. I have made an appointment for Tuesday (tomorrow) but told the girls at the surgery that I would see how I am in the morning, I certainly don't want to push it.
LESSON: Do not get a stomach bug......
Talk soon
Tarn
Oh..... he weighed me.... since the 20th December(last appointment) till yesterday I had lost 14kg... OMG.... that's 2 months
T xxxx
Sunday, 17 February 2008
OMG.... What a difference !!!!
Feb 07 
April 07 June 07
I was looking at some old photos this morning and found these...... OMG what a difference 12 months can make with this band.
Sometimes you get complacent and think.... yeah.. I've done OK. But to looking at the before and afters I must say I have to give myself more credit.... I have done better than ok...... I have done GREAT !!!!!
Feb 08I just hope that in 12 months time. I can look at this photo and think I have improved on this... Look how far I have come in this last 12 months !!!!
1 step at a time, 1 kg at a time... it all adds up, no matter how fast or how slow you are loosing it, it all makes a difference.............. A GOOD DIFFERENCE !!!!
If I can do this...anybody can
Cheers Tarn xxxx
Sunday, 10 February 2008
Saturday, 9 February 2008
88.9 kg..... 27kg lost in 9 Months
YEEAAAAAHHHH !!!! I am down into the 80's and I did it with a big jump. I weighed in at 90.0kg on Friday morning and today I went down a whole kg.
I have to say that it is actually COLD here today, like a May day, certainly not a bloody February day thats for sure, so I am thinking that it is because of that. My rings will not stay on. I have moved all my rings other than my wedding and engagement rings up a finger and still they are loose and my wed & eng rings look like a 5 year old wearing her Mum's. I will go to the jewellers tomorrow and arrange to have those springy things put in them till I stabilize.
I have gotten rid of another 2 basket fulls of clothes and today went and added to my new (non-existent wardrobe) by buying 3-4 tops off the clearout racks at Target, but when I got home I decided I should have bought a jacket and some trackies aswell...lol.
9 Months Banded Today
Stats since 9/5/07
weight: -27kg
Bust; -16cm
Waist: -22cm
Abdom: -15cm
Hips: -20cm
Thigh: -14.5cm
Knee: -12cm
Arm: -9cm
Ankle: -1.5cm
Neck: -5cm
I am very pleased with myself and my husband is just loving it, he comments constantly. This morning I got out of bed and came out to the kitchen and his words of greeting were "Morning Skinny, do you want a cuppa". I just beamed at him.
I asked him in bed the other morning if it feels different when we have sex, he said only that there was less of me, he then asked ....why.... did it feel different for me. I told him HELL YES !!! First off I can actually breathe, as my legs are not pushing against my belly and lungs, and secondly I was getting contact from him in places that had only had flab touching it, I also feel a hell of a lot more agile and comfortable.... So the answer is YES in some really great ways. (He said he thought I was breathless over him...hehehehe)
Food wise I have had a couple of hard days where I haven't been able to eat much at all. I am probably only managing a cup a day of solid food and the rest liquid. I had a bad day friday where I had eaten too fast and vomitted a few times and couldn't keep anything down, which was horrible. I have plans to see Dr Fill this week and see if he will take 0.1ml out and if thats not enough do it again a few days later....
Thats about it I think...
Will take some photos in my SIZE 16 !!! clothes tomorrow and post some...
Cheers Tarn xxx
I have to say that it is actually COLD here today, like a May day, certainly not a bloody February day thats for sure, so I am thinking that it is because of that. My rings will not stay on. I have moved all my rings other than my wedding and engagement rings up a finger and still they are loose and my wed & eng rings look like a 5 year old wearing her Mum's. I will go to the jewellers tomorrow and arrange to have those springy things put in them till I stabilize.
I have gotten rid of another 2 basket fulls of clothes and today went and added to my new (non-existent wardrobe) by buying 3-4 tops off the clearout racks at Target, but when I got home I decided I should have bought a jacket and some trackies aswell...lol.
9 Months Banded Today
Stats since 9/5/07
weight: -27kg
Bust; -16cm
Waist: -22cm
Abdom: -15cm
Hips: -20cm
Thigh: -14.5cm
Knee: -12cm
Arm: -9cm
Ankle: -1.5cm
Neck: -5cm
I am very pleased with myself and my husband is just loving it, he comments constantly. This morning I got out of bed and came out to the kitchen and his words of greeting were "Morning Skinny, do you want a cuppa". I just beamed at him.
I asked him in bed the other morning if it feels different when we have sex, he said only that there was less of me, he then asked ....why.... did it feel different for me. I told him HELL YES !!! First off I can actually breathe, as my legs are not pushing against my belly and lungs, and secondly I was getting contact from him in places that had only had flab touching it, I also feel a hell of a lot more agile and comfortable.... So the answer is YES in some really great ways. (He said he thought I was breathless over him...hehehehe)
Food wise I have had a couple of hard days where I haven't been able to eat much at all. I am probably only managing a cup a day of solid food and the rest liquid. I had a bad day friday where I had eaten too fast and vomitted a few times and couldn't keep anything down, which was horrible. I have plans to see Dr Fill this week and see if he will take 0.1ml out and if thats not enough do it again a few days later....
Thats about it I think...
Will take some photos in my SIZE 16 !!! clothes tomorrow and post some...
Cheers Tarn xxx
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
91.2kg and Counting
When I got on the scales this morning they said.... 91.2kg... dadaaaaaa
I only have 1.3kgs to go before I am in the 80's.... I can't wait.... I can't wait
For a few weeks now I have been loosing weight steadily and the results have been fantastic, it has slowed a little this week after my ketosis theory ( I knew I shouldn't have said it outloud) but it is still coming off. I had to go and order new work clothes today. I bought size 16 top and bottoms and they fit like a glove. I can remember being in size 16 pants about 10 years ago after loosing 26kg on WW but my tops were still size 22's (this was before the breast reduction 8years ago) so for me to be wearing a size 16 top is a first.
I went out on Saturday night with a few friends and danced the night away and drank a little too much (how fast do you get drunk these days...wow) I was a little seedy on Sunday and had organised to go to The Central Coast Bansters lunch at Charlestown. We met at 11.30 and had a great time chatting and what not. But because I was seedy I wanted something greasy and wicked (man I would have slit someones throat for the ability to eat a bacon and egg roll) I ordered beer battered fish and first mouthful in I was doubled over with pain.
The worst thing about hanging with banded people is they watch and read your body language when you are eating, and I felt terribly embarrassed about going to the loo and throwing up. In non banded company if this happened I could have slipped away and noone would have thought anything about it. I then sat and waited and tried again, but to no avail. I must have really been hungry and eaten too much too fast. I suffered all day and all night for it and have taken it easy with the food since.
I know I am probably sightly too restricted, but generally I have been eating accordingly, but I really am hesitant to have any removed untill I go away for Easter. I am enjoying the weight loss and trying to be carefull......(most of the time)
Do many of you struggle eating breaky? I can't seem to make myself eat in the morning. The tummy grumbles but I can't stomach anything. I started last week to have an Optifast instead of my cup of tea to try and boost my vits and minerals a little, but even then I don't always feel like it. I don't know if this is wrong, or weather I should just go with the flow.....
Til next time
Cheers Tarn xxxx
Sunday, 27 January 2008
Stats Update
Dave & I on New Years Eve. (drunk.... shhhh)
There has been such dramatic change in my weight in the last few weeks I decided to do a stats update again......
Since 9/5/2007
Cm's Lost
weight = 23.2kg
Chest = 14cm
Upper Arm = 8cm
Abdom = 13cm
Waist = 19cm
Tummy = 18cm
Hips = 17cm
Thigh = 14cm
Knee = 11.5cm
Ankle = 1.5cm
Neck = 5cm
-----------------
Total Loss =121cm
WOW.... that's 23 cm in 3 weeks. I noticed as I was doing the measurements that it was basically 3 cm off each area, its good to know I am shrinking evenly.
I hope this continues.... but if not, I am enjoying it while it lasts.
Cheers Tarn xxx
Friday, 25 January 2008
Is Ketosis the Answer ?
I've been thinking.... (mmm dangerous)
I am not eating any carbohydrates, my breath has started to smell, as does my urine and I am loosing weight faster than I ever have.... Am I in Ketosis ?
I went to kiss Dave (hubby) this morning and he lets out a EEEWWW and screws his face up like I have leprosy. He then tells me my breath is really bad and I have to say it didn't feel that great either. I then realised that my mouth had tasted weird for a week or so and I have been chewing on the old chewy to get rid of the taste. I had put this down to not eating as much as often.
I didn't do Optifast or Tony Ferguson pre-op which puts you into ketosis, but had read about it and the side effects of bad breath due to acetone being excreted out of your body as the ketones are converted from fat tissue to fuel...... could this be what was happening ?????
I went to work today and questioned the pharmacist, who told me that it was indeed possible to put yourself into ketosis if you consumed less that 30g carbs per day... (that's me) consumed a diet higher in protein (me to) and as I said I have the smelly breath and loosing the weight finally.
I have also done a bit of googling and found out that there is no danger in being in ketosis .
"While ever you are carrying excess body fat, feel well, sleep well and are stable in your moods having no problem with lipid values, blood pressure or blood sugar levels you may continue for six months or more."
I am seeing my GP this week and will ask him to do a ketosis test and check all of my levels to see if 1. I am in ketosis and 2. It is safe for me to be so.
Anyway.... it was just a thought...
Cheers Tarn xxx
I am not eating any carbohydrates, my breath has started to smell, as does my urine and I am loosing weight faster than I ever have.... Am I in Ketosis ?
I went to kiss Dave (hubby) this morning and he lets out a EEEWWW and screws his face up like I have leprosy. He then tells me my breath is really bad and I have to say it didn't feel that great either. I then realised that my mouth had tasted weird for a week or so and I have been chewing on the old chewy to get rid of the taste. I had put this down to not eating as much as often.
I didn't do Optifast or Tony Ferguson pre-op which puts you into ketosis, but had read about it and the side effects of bad breath due to acetone being excreted out of your body as the ketones are converted from fat tissue to fuel...... could this be what was happening ?????
I went to work today and questioned the pharmacist, who told me that it was indeed possible to put yourself into ketosis if you consumed less that 30g carbs per day... (that's me) consumed a diet higher in protein (me to) and as I said I have the smelly breath and loosing the weight finally.
I have also done a bit of googling and found out that there is no danger in being in ketosis .
"While ever you are carrying excess body fat, feel well, sleep well and are stable in your moods having no problem with lipid values, blood pressure or blood sugar levels you may continue for six months or more."
I am seeing my GP this week and will ask him to do a ketosis test and check all of my levels to see if 1. I am in ketosis and 2. It is safe for me to be so.
Anyway.... it was just a thought...
Cheers Tarn xxx
Thursday, 24 January 2008
I Think I Finally Get It !!!!!
I have spoken to lots of bandster.... and I know we all have different stories about how hard or how easy it is, and so far mine has been of the struggling kind. I seem to loose a few kilos then plateau for a month or so, then go down another 5 and stop and so on...... FRUSTRATING
Well since just before Xmas I seem to have hit a spot where things have been smoother, whether that means I am at a sweat spot or not... I can't tell you, but the ride is smoother.
I am loosing weight nearly every day, even if it is only 0.1 or 0.2kg I am doing it gradually and regularly and besides the first week this is the first time that has happened, and I am enjoying it.
Not only that ,other people and especially my husband are getting excited for me, and it is very encouraging. I catch glimpses of myself and think WOW you look heaps younger, or GEE look how great your shoulders look, and GOD !!! it is a nice feeling to view yourself in a positive light for a change.
My rings are getting really loose, to the point where I am loosing them of a night time in bed. I now have to take them off and only wear them of a day. My undies are huge and my shoes are too big, my necklaces actually feel comfy instead of choking me, and my bras are HUGE !!!
All these things are fantastic, its like you find a new secret achievement everyday. A few months back I went and bought a size 18 3/4 denim pants that were firm on me (I started in size 22) and have pretty much been living in them, but yesterday I was told by my mother and husband that they looked like shit catchers because they were so bagging around the arse on me. So today I went and bought myself size 16 pants... and not 16 in the plus section (which is more like an 18) I am talking Rockmans size 16... WHOOOO HOOOO.
The scales say 93.4kg at the moment and I can actually see myself getting to my 85kg by my birthday on 26th April if this keeps up. Now that will make me VERY Happy. My bandiversary is on the 9th May and 85 kg would mean 30kgs lost in 12 months.... can't be unhappy about that now....
Good luck banded ones
Cheers Tarn xxx
Well since just before Xmas I seem to have hit a spot where things have been smoother, whether that means I am at a sweat spot or not... I can't tell you, but the ride is smoother.
I am loosing weight nearly every day, even if it is only 0.1 or 0.2kg I am doing it gradually and regularly and besides the first week this is the first time that has happened, and I am enjoying it.
Not only that ,other people and especially my husband are getting excited for me, and it is very encouraging. I catch glimpses of myself and think WOW you look heaps younger, or GEE look how great your shoulders look, and GOD !!! it is a nice feeling to view yourself in a positive light for a change.
My rings are getting really loose, to the point where I am loosing them of a night time in bed. I now have to take them off and only wear them of a day. My undies are huge and my shoes are too big, my necklaces actually feel comfy instead of choking me, and my bras are HUGE !!!
All these things are fantastic, its like you find a new secret achievement everyday. A few months back I went and bought a size 18 3/4 denim pants that were firm on me (I started in size 22) and have pretty much been living in them, but yesterday I was told by my mother and husband that they looked like shit catchers because they were so bagging around the arse on me. So today I went and bought myself size 16 pants... and not 16 in the plus section (which is more like an 18) I am talking Rockmans size 16... WHOOOO HOOOO.
The scales say 93.4kg at the moment and I can actually see myself getting to my 85kg by my birthday on 26th April if this keeps up. Now that will make me VERY Happy. My bandiversary is on the 9th May and 85 kg would mean 30kgs lost in 12 months.... can't be unhappy about that now....
Good luck banded ones
Cheers Tarn xxx
Friday, 4 January 2008
Update on Stats
Thought it was about time that I measured myself. The weigh has been moving and the comments are flying, so I thought an update was called for..... here goes ...
Since 9/5/2007
Cm's Lost
weight = 18.9kg
Chest = 11cm
Upper Arm = 7cm
Abdom = 10cm
Waist = 16cm
Tummy = 14cm
Hips = 14cm
Thigh = 11cm
Knee = 9.5cm
Ankle = 1.5cm
Neck = 4cm
-----------------
Total Loss = 98 cm
UNBELIEVABLE !!!!!!!!
I'm happy
Cheers Tarn xx
Since 9/5/2007
Cm's Lost
weight = 18.9kg
Chest = 11cm
Upper Arm = 7cm
Abdom = 10cm
Waist = 16cm
Tummy = 14cm
Hips = 14cm
Thigh = 11cm
Knee = 9.5cm
Ankle = 1.5cm
Neck = 4cm
-----------------
Total Loss = 98 cm
UNBELIEVABLE !!!!!!!!
I'm happy
Cheers Tarn xx
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