D-O-U-B-L-E......D-I-G-I-T-S.........!!!!!

WHHHHOOOOOO HOOOOOO

I diiiiid it

I diiiid it

I made double diiiiigits........

I'm so happy.... I have reached my first MAJOR goal at last... this morning when I stood on the scales I was 99.9kg....... Yes folks it may only be 100grams less than 100kg, BUT I DON'T CARE!!

As I explained I have been in a bit of pain and had a few probs on Monday after my disastrous camping trip but I went back to liquids for 48 hours and started on solids again tonight. I can't believe what a difference it makes when you are having problems (especially keeping things down) to have a liquid break and let the swelling go down. I feel almost back to normal compared to Sunday and Monday when I couldn't keep anything down and was having pain.

Well that's all from me. I just wanted to brag.....

BRING ON 95kg.......

Luv Tarn xxx

Are We There YET !!!!

Well in 2 weeks time I will have been banded for 6 months. Pre surgery I really thought that by this stage I would have definitely been in double figures. I am a little disappointed, but in saying that it has been a hell of a lot harder than I ever imagined it to be. When your life has revolved around food like mine did (and no doubt yours as well) and I was always dreaming, thinking and waiting for my next fix, I have to say that the banding has only taken away about half of that.

I still think of food.... I still worry about food... I still make myself guilty about food. But for totally different reasons. I think constantly about what I should have for my next meal and I worry constantly about the choice and will I be able to get it down, and I feel guilty if I make a stupid decision where the food makes me BP or vomit...... Does that make sense... can anyone relate?

I also get really sad (maybe even slightly depressed) about not being able to eat. Not all the time mind you, but as an example. Last weekend we went camping at a charity motor cross rally at Bulladealla (about 2 hrs from home) and on the first night there I had an altercation with a sausage (that I ate 1 whole bite of) and ended up vomiting and obviously caused some swelling. I then struggled all weekend and brought up nearly everything I ate (which wasn't much I can tell you) but not being able to have anything but straight fluids really gets you down. I couldn't manage more that 1-2 small sips at a time. Now yesterday I was almost bed ridden by exhaustion, and sadness (i hate the word depression) I slept, sipped and laid on the lounge all day (instead of unpacking and washing from the camping trip) and I only felt better today after I accidental hit my head on a cupboard and cried (dramatically) for 20 minutes. It took the knock to the head to relieve the tension I think.... Always the drama queen.

I managed to loose 2.2 kg over the last week, and obviously alot of that was because of the weekend... but was it worth it...... doesn't feel like it.

I am now back down to 100.5kg which takes me back to where I was a month ago before my last camping trip where I put on 3.something kgs. Funny that I put it all on in one camping trip (god that was a great weekend) and taken it off on another camping trip (which was a shocker)

I am going to end this by saying that I am not too restricted I was just STUPID !!! And also By saying that I am still SOOOO happy that I had this done, I really am. It just isn't always easy, and I suppose at the end of this journey (my goal weight) it will be the hard times that will more than likely keep me in line and make me want to stay thin and not revisit all this shit again.

It's a journey

Cheers Tarn xxx

Evil Double Figures.....

I am absolutely sure that I sabotage myself. I know the old addage is "your own worst enemy" but I am starting to think it is real and not just a cliche. I got down to 100.2kg....Thats 0.3kg... 300kg .... a large poo.... a walk around the block even away from double figures. I could taste it. I was hungry for it. I was ready to set off fireworks..........

Let me start at the beginning. I was starting to have a little heart burn, and a close bandit friend of mine was having tests for a slipped band which had started with heartburn and progressed to worse so I was starting to worry. I was also going away camping in the bush 3.5hrs away from civilisation and started to panic about having problems whilst so far away. So I rang Dr Fill on the Thursday before I left and asked him to take out 0.5mls as a precaution (I had 7.5mls in a 10ml band).

Well the difference was unbelievable, I went from sipping to nearly sculling in a matter of an hour. I could eat almost anything. (in there lies the problem......Dah) and the hunger came back instantly. I can NOT BELIEVE how much half a ml did.....
Anyhows I went away and had a great weekend, I ate, drank, drank, and was very merry. I had not been able to drink ANY soft drink and maybe only 1 glass of alcohol prior but managed to drink ALOT ....ALL weekend.

3.5kg...... that's how much weight I put on in 5 days. I was shocked to the core.... and totally devastated. Dr Fill put 0.3mls back in a week later and I have managed to loose 2kg in 3 weeks but I am once again TOO far away from my next goal and I have definitely lost momentum. I am still hungry and eating way too much and the exercise department is not good either.

So hence the "My own worst enemy" is definitely appropriate here...

WILL I EVER GET TO DOUBLE FIGURES ?????????