Well folks the denial monster has rared its eeergly head in the Haines house, and I am here to say it out loud so I am not in denial anymore....
I am TOOOO restricted !!!!!
All last week I struggled and suffered and kept telling myself it was because I had the altercation with the mouthful of sausage....... Well I was fucking lying to myself...... I literally have eaten almost nothing this week. 1 whole week of sipping...and I mean baby tiny piss-ant sips that have barely kept me hydrated. My urine has been almost orange and my mood has been VERY FRAGILE !!!. Crying at the drop of a hat, being outright vicious about others eating, being a complete bitch because I have to cook for the family and I don't get to eat, and you can just imagine how pleasant I am about cleaning up after food..... and although my energy levels are ok...I am sleeping for 10 hrs a day ( I used to average 5-6 pre-banding).
On Wednesday I had 2 poppers of apple juice, 500ml at most of water and 1 small packet of Malteser's...and that's it. Friday was much the same and Saturday when I tried to eat, I just threw it up. I am also throwing up alot of the fluid I drink as well which is a worry. So of course this also means I have lost weight 1.8kg in 4 days,which at any other time I would be ecstatic about but I just can't be because I am angry with myself for letting it stay like this for a week. I am an idiot .........
First thing in the morning I am ringing Dr Fill and asking for an emergency appointment, he is great, he will make appointments to see you anywhere, a few weeks ago (pre 1st camping trip) he saw me between operations at the local hospital and took some fill out. Anyway I will go see him tomorrow and get some taken out, and feel like I can live and be happy again. I have hated my band more in the last week (except for the double figure day) that I have EVER in this 6 month journey, and on one of my crying sessions actually said out loud "I would much rather be FAT and stuffing my face than do this anymore"
Wash your mouth out Tarnya Haines !!!!!!
So the plan at the mo is call Dr Fill get maybe 0.3ml out and make appointment to see dietitian and him again next Monday to reassess..... ok.... sounds good.
Over and out !!
Luv Tarn xx
1 comment:
Hello gorgeous!!
Tarn I suffered too much restriction for weeks and it was the most fucked up thing I ever did to myself. I had clumps of hair falling out, the driest skin, lethargy and severe depression!
I understand what you have been through whole heartedly!
I am so glad to hear that you finally got to eat something (its an amazing feeling to actually eat something and it stay down)
Glad to hear that you had some fill taken out and I know all will go well from here on in.
Reney
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