I Love Dr Fill

As I have mentioned before my surgeon is only the surgeon, the fellow who manages my fills is a Doctor called Tony, and he is wonderful. I have named him Dr Fill for purposes unknown to me.... it just sounds funny.


I made the appointment to see Dr Fill yesterday for 2.30pm today as I work till 1 and the surgery is about 30minutes away. I left work at 20 minutes past one and headed over worried about the traffic and because it is so damn hot thought I would just sit in the air-con waiting room and read.


I got to the surgery at 1.50pm and sat ready to wait for an hour. Tony (aka Dr Fill) comes back in from lunch and spies me sitting there talks to the receptionist and asks me to come on in, as there was no use waiting when he was free...... What a sweety !!!!.(how many people can say you got into a Dr's 1 hr early and not 1 hr late)


I explained to Tony that I was no longer restricted enough and told him how frustrated I am at the not restricted vs too restricted saga all with in a 0.5ml range. He said that some people are lucky enough to hit a sweet spot after a certain amount of fills and manage to maintain it and no drama (obviously this is the same people that weight just falls off - I hate them) but he said for the most part people have to do a few adjustments to get the right result and that the important thing is not to irritate the area with vomiting or BPing as this changes the restriction and causes the vicious cycle.


I know that I know all this already, but it is so nice to have a Dr that is willing to go over and over it and treat you with kindness and understanding, rather than being irritated and short because you don't get it. I say this because a friend of mine goes to another surgeon and has recently had problems with reflux and pain due to overfill and swelling, and when she finally went to her Dr he abused the hell out of her and took all the fill out and told her he was going to only put 1ml back in each 4 weeks. She had lost 18kg on Optifast pre-surgery and 20kg post-surgery in 7 months and he told he off for loosing too much, and that he expected her to loose that much over a 12 month period and not 6 months. She is devastated, she has put 7kg back on and when she saw him the other day he more or less said too bad, and that he was glad.


I am just so happy that Tony is approachable and reasonable. We decided to only put 0.25mls in and leave it for 2 weeks and decide then if I need another, he thought that since 0.5 each way was too dramatic for me in the results, we would take it slowly slowly....



Therefore I love my Dr Fill !!!!!!!



Cheers Tarn xxx

P.s I was down 4kg since 15th October on his scales so 1 kg a week works out to be perfect. Even though it has been way up and way down in that time... (happy days!!!!)

Is It Just Me...... Or Is This Hard ???

I mean it ..... Am I the only one that finds this dificult? I have spoken to lots of bandsters by email, yahoo message boards and my support group and all I am hearing is massive weight loss....sweet spots (whatever the fuck that is...no sweetness here) no hunger and a new appreciation for food.....

I am hungry and can eat stuff , I have gained weight recently, I am either too restricted or not enough, and I am as frustrated with fucking food now as when I was before.... Give me strength.

I am serious, as greatful as I am for the 15kg that I have lost, I am so very disapointed that in six months that is all I have lost... I mean come on... That is only just over 10% of my starting weight. I did that in 8 weeks at Weight Watchers 5 years ago.

Now before you all get on you hobby horses....YES... I did put that weight back on, but seriously I lost 15kg in 15 weeks ..... and and did a total of 25kg in 35weeks. I looked at the books today and as you can imagine it just made me feel SOOOOO much better about myself.

The reason this has come up is that 2 weeks ago I went and had 0.5ml taken out of the band because I couldn't eat a damn thing and drinking was near impossible, and now I can and want to eat anything. Tomorrow I am calling Dr Fill to ask to see him again to have a top up but I am just scared that I will go back to how I was 2 weeks ago, and I was MISERABLE !!!!!

If I could just find this fucking sweet spot (maybe I should ask the Wizard of Oz for it) I would be happy (said loosely as I am a grass is greener kinda girl.....never happy)

AAAARRRGGGHHH !!!!!!!

Till next temper tantrum

Tarn xxx

Feeling Better - Rehydrated

I feel so much better now that I can eat solid food. I was just being plain stupid !!!! The blockage obviously had caused lots of swelling which in turn made it impossible for anything to pass my lips. The vicious cycle continues from there vomit causes swelling causes too much restriction causes more vomiting and more swelling and so on....

Water and other fluids was my greatest pleasure this week. Being able to DRINK... not sip-sip a few drops at a time is such a relief. I have gained 1.5kg but I truly think that the fluid loss was ridiculous. I was going to the loo only twice a day and the urine was so concentrated it wrong. But now thankfully I can drink really well.

Eating wise I have been able to eat a wide variety of things. In the last week I have had rice, salad, pasta, cruskits with tomato and cheese, cereal, (oh and hubby is looking over my shoulder and tells me to add KFC...)and all has gone down well. I am feeling hungry now and then and twice have eaten alot more that I thought I would be able to. so I don't think I am exactly at my sweet spot, but I am not going to do anything about it for at least another 2 weeks to see if the restriction changes in that time.

God I love food....... no wonder I ended up fat. I just couldn't live like I was last week when I couldn't eat anything, it was torture. Being able to actually eat has been great but because I had felt deprived I have actually had to stop myself from going a bit crazy.... But again, I don't think this was meant to be easy.... (such is life)

I will be starting walking every morning from tomorrow so I am hoping that might jolt the body into some weight loss action....

Here's hoping

Chow

Tarn xxx

Miss Denial Has Left The Building

Well..... I rang Dr Tony's (aka Dr Fill) mobile this morning at 8.15 and it was answered by his lovely wife who I apologised to 50 times for disturbing her at home, when I got to talk to Tony he organised to meet me in at Newcastle skin cancer Clinic at Broadmeadow where he works a couple of days a week as a skin cancer specialist (go figure he is also doing lap bands). Anyway we arranged to meet at 9.30am and I had just assumed he was working today, so trotted on in to see him.

The poor fella pops in in jeans and a footy jumper, it appears its his day off but he only lives 5 minutes away and when he heard I needed him was happy to meet up there (god bless his soul) I was so grateful, but embarrassed at the same time, but all was good.

I explained what had been happening (sausage drama and all) and that I was way too restricted and throwing up and having reflux and he was just truly so lovely to me.... compassionate, understanding and didn't once have a go at me. I suggested he take 0.3mls but he talked me into 0.5mls, saying that the recovery time would be lessened by less restriction , and that in a few weeks if I really needed it back he would do it (what more could you ask for !!!!)

I popped up on the bed bared the belly and he actually drew out 5mls into the syringe and held it out for about 10-12minutes while he chatted to me saying it would help as it gave the stomach a rest from the pressure. I Signed the forms, thanked him again from the bottom of my heart and was on my merry way.

On my way into see him that morning I literally forced 70mls of apple juice down and every sip felt like it stayed in the back of my throat. About 2.5 hrs after the fill was taken out I managed to drink a whole 600mls of water over a period of 15-20 min and boy was it great. Straight away I knew I had done the right thing...... Miss Denial had left the building !!!!!!

I actually ate KFC potato and gravy for lunch and FUCK was it A-M-A-Z-I-N-G !!!!!!! I had about half a cup full and felt the carbs pumping around my body immediately. It was just what I needed. I enjoyed it so much, and boy am I looking forward to dinner. Not eating is shit.... it truly does your head in.

I Vow to be less restricted and eat better, even if that means slower weight loss, I will do it the healthy way. No use being skinny if you feel like death and haven't the energy to get your skinny arse off the damn lounge now is it ??????

Keep you posted

Cheers
Tarn xxxxx

I Am Too Restricted

Remember a few blog entries ago I explained about my family history of DENIAL... especially my mother whom is the person I have to thank for prompting me do this through her rather LARGE denial problem?

Well folks the denial monster has rared its eeergly head in the Haines house, and I am here to say it out loud so I am not in denial anymore....

I am TOOOO restricted !!!!!

All last week I struggled and suffered and kept telling myself it was because I had the altercation with the mouthful of sausage....... Well I was fucking lying to myself...... I literally have eaten almost nothing this week. 1 whole week of sipping...and I mean baby tiny piss-ant sips that have barely kept me hydrated. My urine has been almost orange and my mood has been VERY FRAGILE !!!. Crying at the drop of a hat, being outright vicious about others eating, being a complete bitch because I have to cook for the family and I don't get to eat, and you can just imagine how pleasant I am about cleaning up after food..... and although my energy levels are ok...I am sleeping for 10 hrs a day ( I used to average 5-6 pre-banding).

On Wednesday I had 2 poppers of apple juice, 500ml at most of water and 1 small packet of Malteser's...and that's it. Friday was much the same and Saturday when I tried to eat, I just threw it up. I am also throwing up alot of the fluid I drink as well which is a worry. So of course this also means I have lost weight 1.8kg in 4 days,which at any other time I would be ecstatic about but I just can't be because I am angry with myself for letting it stay like this for a week. I am an idiot .........

First thing in the morning I am ringing Dr Fill and asking for an emergency appointment, he is great, he will make appointments to see you anywhere, a few weeks ago (pre 1st camping trip) he saw me between operations at the local hospital and took some fill out. Anyway I will go see him tomorrow and get some taken out, and feel like I can live and be happy again. I have hated my band more in the last week (except for the double figure day) that I have EVER in this 6 month journey, and on one of my crying sessions actually said out loud "I would much rather be FAT and stuffing my face than do this anymore"

Wash your mouth out Tarnya Haines !!!!!!

So the plan at the mo is call Dr Fill get maybe 0.3ml out and make appointment to see dietitian and him again next Monday to reassess..... ok.... sounds good.

Over and out !!

Luv Tarn xx