Well in 2 weeks time I will have been banded for 6 months. Pre surgery I really thought that by this stage I would have definitely been in double figures. I am a little disappointed, but in saying that it has been a hell of a lot harder than I ever imagined it to be. When your life has revolved around food like mine did (and no doubt yours as well) and I was always dreaming, thinking and waiting for my next fix, I have to say that the banding has only taken away about half of that.
I still think of food.... I still worry about food... I still make myself guilty about food. But for totally different reasons. I think constantly about what I should have for my next meal and I worry constantly about the choice and will I be able to get it down, and I feel guilty if I make a stupid decision where the food makes me BP or vomit...... Does that make sense... can anyone relate?
I also get really sad (maybe even slightly depressed) about not being able to eat. Not all the time mind you, but as an example. Last weekend we went camping at a charity motor cross rally at Bulladealla (about 2 hrs from home) and on the first night there I had an altercation with a sausage (that I ate 1 whole bite of) and ended up vomiting and obviously caused some swelling. I then struggled all weekend and brought up nearly everything I ate (which wasn't much I can tell you) but not being able to have anything but straight fluids really gets you down. I couldn't manage more that 1-2 small sips at a time. Now yesterday I was almost bed ridden by exhaustion, and sadness (i hate the word depression) I slept, sipped and laid on the lounge all day (instead of unpacking and washing from the camping trip) and I only felt better today after I accidental hit my head on a cupboard and cried (dramatically) for 20 minutes. It took the knock to the head to relieve the tension I think.... Always the drama queen.
I managed to loose 2.2 kg over the last week, and obviously alot of that was because of the weekend... but was it worth it...... doesn't feel like it.
I am now back down to 100.5kg which takes me back to where I was a month ago before my last camping trip where I put on 3.something kgs. Funny that I put it all on in one camping trip (god that was a great weekend) and taken it off on another camping trip (which was a shocker)
I am going to end this by saying that I am not too restricted I was just STUPID !!! And also By saying that I am still SOOOO happy that I had this done, I really am. It just isn't always easy, and I suppose at the end of this journey (my goal weight) it will be the hard times that will more than likely keep me in line and make me want to stay thin and not revisit all this shit again.
It's a journey
Cheers Tarn xxx
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Hi Tarnya,
I've been a silent reader of your blog for a few months now. I found it while waiting to have my surgery which I had on the 11th October...nearly 3 weeks ago now. I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading it and to thank you for sharing this with us all.
I'm still on my 'mushies' stage at the moment and will be for a bit over a week. I've been wondering about the food you have problems eating, like the bite of sausage you had while away...
Do you find you still have problems with some food even if you chew really well, like chew down to a paste? Or do you chew food normally (as before surgery) and that's when you have problems? I've been wondering about this for ages when I hear people talking about PBing..
Thanks again for your really inspiring blog!
ntbl
Hi Rachael,
I still find it hard to chew everything down to a paste, it's harder than it sounds. Especially if you are hungry and restricted. I guess it was just an accident with the sausage but I have had trouble eating most meats lately. But boy that sausage smelt good... and I paid the price. It's all a learning curve, and as much as people explained all this to me, untill it is happening to you you can't get your head around it.
Good luck with the journey.
Cheers tarn xx
Hi Tarn,
It is time to say hello to you again,sweetie.....yep it's me Sabine....
Well well, this bloody band ....hate it or love it ???
I started with 114.5 kg. Remember op in February.And now I am 98.5 kg. So you are doing so much better. And I try to be good...which I think I am (most of the time)but as soon I eat a bit to fast, food come back .
This is an up and down. I feel the same as you, and for the amount I eat now and bevor banding I should lost a lot more. But don't give up sweetie, as much as I can understand you.(Where did you hit your head? I NEED it as well.)
Keep going and keep us informed.Love reading what I mostly think.
Take care Sabine
Ps Did you joined a gym???
Hi Tarn!
Oh gawd! I so know where you're coming from. I occasionally have the same whinge on my blog!
There are times I just want to eat whatever I want. You know, go to a restaurant and order whatever the hell I like without thinking about what may or may not agree with the 'Boss'! I'd just like to sink my teeth into a steak or a fajita along with lots of alcoholic beverages and then maybe a dessert. But alas! All that said, I wouldn't go back to the mindless eating that I engaged in prior to the band.
Here's to tiny portions and healthy weight ranges!
Dee
Post a Comment