Sweet Spot....Or is it?

Why is everything a battle?..... why am I never happy?

AAAARRRGGHHH it's like trying to answer the million dollar question !!!! I am at my sweet spot... I am sure of it (as sure as any bandster who doesn't know a damn thing about this whole saga is)

I have reached the spot where I can not eat a great deal, but my damn head keeps trying to have a crack at it. I am having porridge in the mornings and that's going down fine, I tried the cornflakes with hot milk but struggled, so I am happy with porridge. Believe it or not I can eat crackers, such as salada's, cruskets, corn thins, jatz, so I have been having these for lunch with light Philly and a can of salmon and OH MY GOD it is yummy. Dinner has been lean cuisines each night , mostly pastas.

Now the crappy bits..... i tried toast.....OUT..... I tried crumbed chicken...OUT..... 1/2 crispy creme donut...DEFINITELY OUT.... so that in mind you would have to think I have a fair idea that anything with pastry is a NO-GO...right....... wrong !!!! Today took the kids to the shops and for lunch bought them a pie and a cake from my fav bakery. You guessed it, Took a crack at a pie, thinking it would be ok if I chewed chewed and bloody chewed. I was SOOOOO wrong, 2 bites in and I started the clearing of the throat kinda cough and then the pain struck..... OMG it was horrid, the kids started to freak and my oh-so-cool 10year old son said "Mum if your gunna spew can you like.. find a toilet!!!" now I'm not so sure if he was worried over me or embarrassed that I was going to let loose in the cafeteria. Boy did I suffer all the way home. I had to stop every 1/2km and throw up out the door and by the time I got home I was exhausted.

Begs the question.... why did I think I could eat a pie when toast is just not on?.... I felt like a complete moron having to throw up at the shopping centre, and all the way home the kids were so worried. Cam.. my youngest asked me if this is what it was going to be like all the time and I felt really bad. I did this to become a good role model to them , not a bulimic one that throws up because I am too stupid to make the right food choices.

Saying that, I feel like I am going through a grieving process over food. In the beginning I was in the head space to deal with being denied certain foods, and I thought that I would deal with all that in the first few weeks after banding. But since I have been eating normally basically from week 2, I think my head had decided this was how it was going to be and hey I can eat ANYTHING... how wrong that is.

I am now having to take cues from the stomach and hope my damn head catches on soon, cause I don't want to keep this up, even if I have lost 2kg in 6 days. I would like to think its because I am doing the right thing, alas... its cause I am a dumbass....

Will do measurements and photos tonight...... I am 2 months banded on the 9th.....