Here's the problem......
I am restricted...right...... but I am feeling like I can't eat the right things. I made my husband a beautiful salad the night before last. I am talking cos lettuce, rocket, baby spinach, cherry tomatoes, capsicum, carrot, spring onions, snow peas, cashews, feta, the works, and MAN my mouth was watering.... I LOVE SALAD, summer, winter, rain snow...I love it and could eat it everyday, but every time I have tried in the last 2 weeks I have had a problem with it. Lettuce is just a no-go and carrot..well don't even think about it. I can't eat meat except for really moist BBQ chicken (and then only sometimes) I can't even eat a sausage.
This has been okay for the first week or so since becoming really restricted, but now I am finding the food choices limited and boring. I am craving real food, healthy food, substantial food. I am not hungry in the least, I just want something decent.
Saturday morning I decided to have a piece of toast, just one, and it took me friggin 20 min to eat the sucker, and just as I swallowed the last teeny weeny bite I got that pain. I was in agony and had to throw up, but because the toast was dry the bastard of a thing hurt more coming up than it did going down. After 15 min of moaning and groaning in the bathroom I went off to soccer with my son Cameron and an hour later tried to have a cup of tea but even that hurt going down. Everything I tried for the rest of the day bloody hurt like crazy and came back up. I ended up sleeping for 2 hours in the middle of the day because I was so exhausted.
Am I doing the right thing?...... Should I go back and get some out?...... Should I stick it out and be more sensible?.......
The dietitian doesn't want me on a diet ..... she wants me to eat well and less quantity. But with even half a ml less I am hungry.....
What should I do people.....and be nice please.
ciao !!
Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Sunday, 29 July 2007
Beauty Through Coke Bottle Glasses
Isn't it funny (not) that we looked in the mirror everyday and we chose not to see those things like the bloated chest and abdomen, the big cheeks and the triple chins. Our eyes play terrible tricks on us as a survival tactic I think. I took those before and during photos and until I put them next to each other I didn't realise that the few kg I have lost had made such a difference to my face.
I used to say to anybody that commented on my weight or size "Do you think I am blind, I DO look in the mirror everyday you know, I am aware that I am overweight"... but I have to say now...looking at the before pics that just maybe I was blind, cause god they are bad !!!!!
It's like when you pick up pictures of yourself wearing one of your favourite outfits,... and hey..I.. thought I looked good in it at the time, and others said I looked good..... and then you see the frickin photos and think ...... what the f*$k was I thinking, I look like a fat F&#king whale, and my friends LET me go out in it. But you also looked in the mirror and thought it looked ok, so you are just as bad.
Hence the survival tactic comment. Imagine if we saw in the mirror the image we see in the pics afterwards...... none of us would ever leave the fucking house, we would be fat, unhappy, poorly dressed agoraphobics. We wouldn't be game enough to leave our house. Well the guys would be happy... they wouldn't have to wade thought the fat ugly desperadoes at the clubs cause only the hotties would go out.
I don't know how many time I have asked my hubby "how does this look, do I look alright?" and I instantly see the terror in his eyes, he is shitting bricks thinking "what the fuck am I supposed to say, this could mean no sex for a week".... "sure darl you look great".... yeah great my arse!! when you see the photos later
Although Dave (hubby) god bless his little cotton socks is one to give me his opinion if I happen to wear floral or patterned clothes. Doesn't matter that it's the fashion, or that maybe (maybe not too)that it looks ok. If its got flowers or geometrical shapes on it he has a look on his face like he has just eaten dog shit. But anything else you ask his opinion on he squirms like you've thrown bull ants down his jocks .... hehehe..."I refuse to comment on the grounds that it may lead to me being stung up by my ball sack without sex for the rest of my life"
I just want to thank you lovely gals (Erin, Reney, Beth, Jules,) for your comments on my before and after photos, I love having you visit and leave comments, it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this scary, crazy journey.
cheers !!!!
I used to say to anybody that commented on my weight or size "Do you think I am blind, I DO look in the mirror everyday you know, I am aware that I am overweight"... but I have to say now...looking at the before pics that just maybe I was blind, cause god they are bad !!!!!
It's like when you pick up pictures of yourself wearing one of your favourite outfits,... and hey..I.. thought I looked good in it at the time, and others said I looked good..... and then you see the frickin photos and think ...... what the f*$k was I thinking, I look like a fat F&#king whale, and my friends LET me go out in it. But you also looked in the mirror and thought it looked ok, so you are just as bad.
Hence the survival tactic comment. Imagine if we saw in the mirror the image we see in the pics afterwards...... none of us would ever leave the fucking house, we would be fat, unhappy, poorly dressed agoraphobics. We wouldn't be game enough to leave our house. Well the guys would be happy... they wouldn't have to wade thought the fat ugly desperadoes at the clubs cause only the hotties would go out.
I don't know how many time I have asked my hubby "how does this look, do I look alright?" and I instantly see the terror in his eyes, he is shitting bricks thinking "what the fuck am I supposed to say, this could mean no sex for a week".... "sure darl you look great".... yeah great my arse!! when you see the photos later
Although Dave (hubby) god bless his little cotton socks is one to give me his opinion if I happen to wear floral or patterned clothes. Doesn't matter that it's the fashion, or that maybe (maybe not too)that it looks ok. If its got flowers or geometrical shapes on it he has a look on his face like he has just eaten dog shit. But anything else you ask his opinion on he squirms like you've thrown bull ants down his jocks .... hehehe..."I refuse to comment on the grounds that it may lead to me being stung up by my ball sack without sex for the rest of my life"
I just want to thank you lovely gals (Erin, Reney, Beth, Jules,) for your comments on my before and after photos, I love having you visit and leave comments, it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this scary, crazy journey.
cheers !!!!
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Another 2kg Loss = 20cm Loss
Measurements
July
Height: same
Weight: -3kg
Chest: -2cm
Abdom: -3cm
Waist: -4cm
Tummy: -3cm
Hips: -2cm
Thigh: -3.5cm
Knee: same
Ankle: -0.5cm
Up Arm: -1cm
Neck: -1cm
__________
Total: -20cm
8kg loss = 43cm loss
I find this really hard to understand. How can I have lost mass (and it is starting to show in my clothes), yet in 2 1/2 months I have lossed 8kg and 5kg were in the first 10 days.
My work skirt is starting to get looser and my work shirt actually looks like it fits me now, and not like I had been been vacuum packed like one of those space saver bags. It made for interesting comments and looks from the old perves at work I can tell you.
These photos are
Left - pre-op Right - 2months post-op (down 8kg)
God I hate photos !!!!!!!!
Monday, 23 July 2007
4th Fill - Are We There Yet !!!
I went to see "Dr Fill" on Tuesday after seeing the dietitian of course, who amazingly enough talked about the bloody D word...can you believe it... I actually got some facts from her and not an update on her snot problem (wonders will never cease).
Anyways Dr Fill agreed with me that I only wanted to try another 0.5mls as I thought I was getting fairly close to restriction/sweet spot. May I just say here that prior to Tuesday my husband has been the only person close to My sweet spot in a long time.......ok I had to say that lol.
I have a few friends in the banded community who have asked me if I felt the tightening immediately after the fill, and until now thought perhaps I was a dud, but I definitely felt the tightness this time, and when I went and had a cup of water afterwards I felt the change instantly. I went home that night and could very well have not eaten dinner... I just wasn't hungry, but had some soup. I did 24 hrs of liquids and mushies and when I started on solids, I have to say I was struggling a little and have at last slowed my eating down. It was the one thing that I was concerned about, how fast I was eating and the quantity and HEY PRESTO I think I found the answer. I have had a few PB's and vomited a little with some of the textures, but all is good. I really and truly hope this is how it stays.....YYEAAAHHH RESTRICTION !!!!!
I went out to dinner on Saturday night with close friends who don't know I have a band, I was really worried as I was still getting used to my restriction and didn't want to have a booboo, I ordered some pasta (no frickin soup of course) and MAN I so struggled. I forced 3 mouthfuls and then had to continue pretending to eat so as to not look out of place. I must have been terribly obvious because I was being watched closely(and truly I am not paranoid.. pffft yeah right!!). Apparently when I went to the toilet (Yes...ok ...to PB... happy !!) one of the girls said to the only friend that knew "Gee it's unlike Tarnya to not finish her meal... whats up there !!!" (cow) Thankfully Renae said we pigged out on bickies and dip before we got there. Some friends are worth their weight in gold (and she's definitely not a fatty)
I am a member of a group in my local area (central coast bandsters) I have gone to a few of the lunches and coffee evenings in the past few months, and they seem really nice. One of the girls I have met is Trish and from the first time I met her I liked her instantly. She is fun, friendly, close to my age, married and has kids and a weight problem of course, so I feel we have a lot in common. Its been great to have a confidant, someone in the know who is there to listen, we seem to have has similar struggles and enjoy bouncing out woes out on each other. We have been getting together regularly and talk and text each other each week, I feel like I have known her FOREVER. She has done soooooo well, she was banded on 1st March 2007 and to date has lost nearly 30kg. I am mentioning this because she is a sweetheart, and doing so well and want to congratulate her.
Trish you are a legend
I just wanted to add that I am very proud of you and you should be too.
The first pic was taken on xmas day and the next one was this week.
Good on you girl 6 months and you look great !!! her blog is
Note to oneself....... post the bloody pics and measurements of you that you promised 2 weeks ago already !!!
That's All Folks !!
Monday, 16 July 2007
Girls Night Out.... 1st Attempt at Alcohol
It's been 3 weeks since my last fill and in the last couple of days my restriction has disappeared. Don't get me wrong I still have trouble eating things but my quantities have increased again and some textures are back on the menu. I have only lost another kg and feeling annoyed about the whole process still.
My hubby actually said a few days ago "Well that seems like another waste of money, it doesn't seem to be working !!" He has been really supportive and encouraging when I have felt down about the NONprogress, but even he is getting frustrated at the fact that I haven't lost weight.
Now I know you are going to think the reason for this is because of my next story, but it's been my first alcohol intake for 2 1/2 months.
I went on a girls weekend away to the Bay on Saturday with some girls from work. I was a little nervous because I was going to have alcohol for the first time and eat in public.... but I really felt I needed the time away. We stayed at one of the girls' unit and started about 3.30pm on the 3rd floor balcony overlooking the water drinking wine, it was great. We laughed, ate, told jokes and secrets and at one stage had a boob flashing session after the topic of breast feeding and saggy boobs came up. We then progressed to Frozen Margaritas and walked (stumbled)to the RSL for dinner about 6pm.
At dinner I had one quick trip to the loo after I didn't chew enough, but a small BP and I was okay... back to drinking. We then danced ourselves silly till 12.30am and had a fantastic time. I didn't realise how much I have missed the whole social part of things....oh except for trying to be picked up by 60 year old men. Why am I so attractive to the old farts. Do I remind them of Michelangelo's fat ladies or something. I swear even at work they love me. Why can't it be the hot surfie Guy...Just once (BTW I am married but hey you can look ..and dance)
The Next morning we were up and about pretty early and went to a place called Corona's for brekky. My head was saying "GREASE...give me GREASE" so I ordered the big breakfast (ppfftt isn't that precious ... and rather hopeful). I swear except for the band I would have woofed that plate of eggs, bacon, sausage,hash brown, mushrooms, tomatoes and toast down like it was water, I needed it that much. Instead I sat with it in front of me while I drank some of my tea and then started to pick VERY slowly. I ate about a 5th of it, and enjoyed only a few small mouthfuls of each thing. I can't tell you how hard it was to leave that much on my plate. I felt cheated....we are talkin bacon and eggs people..... that's wrong..hehehe.
One of the girls threw up all night and passed on the brekky invo, when we got back to the unit and packed up we finally woke her up and I ended up driving her car home for her (thankfully I had been a passenger on the way up). The poor thing had her head in a bucket the whole hour trip home.... made for great conversation.(at least it wasn't me).
I came home and slept all afternoon yesterday and moaned I'm never gonna do that again.... (ppfftt yeah right) and when I got on the scales this morning expected it to go up 10kg ( kidding) and was 0.3kg lighter I was somewhat relieved. Thankfully I must have danced the calories off.
I am off for my 4th fill tomorrow. I am only going to ask for another 0.5ml just to be safe. That will make 7mls in a 10ml band... this better be it or I might have to go up on charges for murdering my fill Dr...aka Dr Fill.
Wish me luck possums....
My hubby actually said a few days ago "Well that seems like another waste of money, it doesn't seem to be working !!" He has been really supportive and encouraging when I have felt down about the NONprogress, but even he is getting frustrated at the fact that I haven't lost weight.
Now I know you are going to think the reason for this is because of my next story, but it's been my first alcohol intake for 2 1/2 months.
I went on a girls weekend away to the Bay on Saturday with some girls from work. I was a little nervous because I was going to have alcohol for the first time and eat in public.... but I really felt I needed the time away. We stayed at one of the girls' unit and started about 3.30pm on the 3rd floor balcony overlooking the water drinking wine, it was great. We laughed, ate, told jokes and secrets and at one stage had a boob flashing session after the topic of breast feeding and saggy boobs came up. We then progressed to Frozen Margaritas and walked (stumbled)to the RSL for dinner about 6pm.
At dinner I had one quick trip to the loo after I didn't chew enough, but a small BP and I was okay... back to drinking. We then danced ourselves silly till 12.30am and had a fantastic time. I didn't realise how much I have missed the whole social part of things....oh except for trying to be picked up by 60 year old men. Why am I so attractive to the old farts. Do I remind them of Michelangelo's fat ladies or something. I swear even at work they love me. Why can't it be the hot surfie Guy...Just once (BTW I am married but hey you can look ..and dance)
The Next morning we were up and about pretty early and went to a place called Corona's for brekky. My head was saying "GREASE...give me GREASE" so I ordered the big breakfast (ppfftt isn't that precious ... and rather hopeful). I swear except for the band I would have woofed that plate of eggs, bacon, sausage,hash brown, mushrooms, tomatoes and toast down like it was water, I needed it that much. Instead I sat with it in front of me while I drank some of my tea and then started to pick VERY slowly. I ate about a 5th of it, and enjoyed only a few small mouthfuls of each thing. I can't tell you how hard it was to leave that much on my plate. I felt cheated....we are talkin bacon and eggs people..... that's wrong..hehehe.
One of the girls threw up all night and passed on the brekky invo, when we got back to the unit and packed up we finally woke her up and I ended up driving her car home for her (thankfully I had been a passenger on the way up). The poor thing had her head in a bucket the whole hour trip home.... made for great conversation.(at least it wasn't me).
I came home and slept all afternoon yesterday and moaned I'm never gonna do that again.... (ppfftt yeah right) and when I got on the scales this morning expected it to go up 10kg ( kidding) and was 0.3kg lighter I was somewhat relieved. Thankfully I must have danced the calories off.
I am off for my 4th fill tomorrow. I am only going to ask for another 0.5ml just to be safe. That will make 7mls in a 10ml band... this better be it or I might have to go up on charges for murdering my fill Dr...aka Dr Fill.
Wish me luck possums....
Thursday, 5 July 2007
To All The Fat Bottomed Girls Out There
OMG this restriction business is strange (sorry to harp on about it) but now its finally here it seems the focus of my day. My soon to be bandit buddy Erin (mmwahh sweety) sent me a beautiful message telling me "chin up" and lots of other encouraging words that made me feel much better. She was worried that I had the bandit blues, but it's not that ... I am just pissed at myself for being daft, feeling guilty and in todays case hurting for making the wrong food choices.
Its like the feeling you have when you've had a video night at home by yourself and you eat pizza, chips and back it up with a block of chocy all because noone is there watching you and you CAN do it. Then after the last mouthful is in and you go.....holey shit what have I just eaten... wish I hadn't done that !!!
Thats what I have been feeling like. But I suppose its a process and I just have to get used to what I can and can't eat.... and you are right Erin , this is why we got banded, to have that little person (band) sitting on your shoulder (tummy) saying "what the fuck are you doing...don't eat that !!!!".... and boy is he there.
Actually that gives me an idea, I should name him.... yes him ...of course its a male who else would monitor my food, force me to loose weight, (eventually) make me sexy and ruin the eating and drinking fun....A MALE.....hahaha i've got it.... how about FREDDY....
Freddy..... The Food Police
Freddy......The Fun-buster
Freddy...... The Fat Blaster
Freddy..... The Flab Killer
and lastly
Freddy.... The (Fuck you look good.... have you been on a diet ) Tool!!!
hehehehehe.... I love it.... I am now singing Queens "Fat bottomed Girls " as a tribite from one Freddy to another..... and GOD I love both of my Freddy's.
and remember
FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS YOU MAKE THIS ROCKIN WORLD GO ROUND !!!!!!!!!
Its like the feeling you have when you've had a video night at home by yourself and you eat pizza, chips and back it up with a block of chocy all because noone is there watching you and you CAN do it. Then after the last mouthful is in and you go.....holey shit what have I just eaten... wish I hadn't done that !!!
Thats what I have been feeling like. But I suppose its a process and I just have to get used to what I can and can't eat.... and you are right Erin , this is why we got banded, to have that little person (band) sitting on your shoulder (tummy) saying "what the fuck are you doing...don't eat that !!!!".... and boy is he there.
Actually that gives me an idea, I should name him.... yes him ...of course its a male who else would monitor my food, force me to loose weight, (eventually) make me sexy and ruin the eating and drinking fun....A MALE.....hahaha i've got it.... how about FREDDY....
Freddy..... The Food Police
Freddy......The Fun-buster
Freddy...... The Fat Blaster
Freddy..... The Flab Killer
and lastly
Freddy.... The (Fuck you look good.... have you been on a diet ) Tool!!!
hehehehehe.... I love it.... I am now singing Queens "Fat bottomed Girls " as a tribite from one Freddy to another..... and GOD I love both of my Freddy's.
and remember
FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS YOU MAKE THIS ROCKIN WORLD GO ROUND !!!!!!!!!
Sweet Spot....Or is it?
Why is everything a battle?..... why am I never happy?
AAAARRRGGHHH it's like trying to answer the million dollar question !!!! I am at my sweet spot... I am sure of it (as sure as any bandster who doesn't know a damn thing about this whole saga is)
I have reached the spot where I can not eat a great deal, but my damn head keeps trying to have a crack at it. I am having porridge in the mornings and that's going down fine, I tried the cornflakes with hot milk but struggled, so I am happy with porridge. Believe it or not I can eat crackers, such as salada's, cruskets, corn thins, jatz, so I have been having these for lunch with light Philly and a can of salmon and OH MY GOD it is yummy. Dinner has been lean cuisines each night , mostly pastas.
Now the crappy bits..... i tried toast.....OUT..... I tried crumbed chicken...OUT..... 1/2 crispy creme donut...DEFINITELY OUT.... so that in mind you would have to think I have a fair idea that anything with pastry is a NO-GO...right....... wrong !!!! Today took the kids to the shops and for lunch bought them a pie and a cake from my fav bakery. You guessed it, Took a crack at a pie, thinking it would be ok if I chewed chewed and bloody chewed. I was SOOOOO wrong, 2 bites in and I started the clearing of the throat kinda cough and then the pain struck..... OMG it was horrid, the kids started to freak and my oh-so-cool 10year old son said "Mum if your gunna spew can you like.. find a toilet!!!" now I'm not so sure if he was worried over me or embarrassed that I was going to let loose in the cafeteria. Boy did I suffer all the way home. I had to stop every 1/2km and throw up out the door and by the time I got home I was exhausted.
Begs the question.... why did I think I could eat a pie when toast is just not on?.... I felt like a complete moron having to throw up at the shopping centre, and all the way home the kids were so worried. Cam.. my youngest asked me if this is what it was going to be like all the time and I felt really bad. I did this to become a good role model to them , not a bulimic one that throws up because I am too stupid to make the right food choices.
Saying that, I feel like I am going through a grieving process over food. In the beginning I was in the head space to deal with being denied certain foods, and I thought that I would deal with all that in the first few weeks after banding. But since I have been eating normally basically from week 2, I think my head had decided this was how it was going to be and hey I can eat ANYTHING... how wrong that is.
I am now having to take cues from the stomach and hope my damn head catches on soon, cause I don't want to keep this up, even if I have lost 2kg in 6 days. I would like to think its because I am doing the right thing, alas... its cause I am a dumbass....
Will do measurements and photos tonight...... I am 2 months banded on the 9th.....
AAAARRRGGHHH it's like trying to answer the million dollar question !!!! I am at my sweet spot... I am sure of it (as sure as any bandster who doesn't know a damn thing about this whole saga is)
I have reached the spot where I can not eat a great deal, but my damn head keeps trying to have a crack at it. I am having porridge in the mornings and that's going down fine, I tried the cornflakes with hot milk but struggled, so I am happy with porridge. Believe it or not I can eat crackers, such as salada's, cruskets, corn thins, jatz, so I have been having these for lunch with light Philly and a can of salmon and OH MY GOD it is yummy. Dinner has been lean cuisines each night , mostly pastas.
Now the crappy bits..... i tried toast.....OUT..... I tried crumbed chicken...OUT..... 1/2 crispy creme donut...DEFINITELY OUT.... so that in mind you would have to think I have a fair idea that anything with pastry is a NO-GO...right....... wrong !!!! Today took the kids to the shops and for lunch bought them a pie and a cake from my fav bakery. You guessed it, Took a crack at a pie, thinking it would be ok if I chewed chewed and bloody chewed. I was SOOOOO wrong, 2 bites in and I started the clearing of the throat kinda cough and then the pain struck..... OMG it was horrid, the kids started to freak and my oh-so-cool 10year old son said "Mum if your gunna spew can you like.. find a toilet!!!" now I'm not so sure if he was worried over me or embarrassed that I was going to let loose in the cafeteria. Boy did I suffer all the way home. I had to stop every 1/2km and throw up out the door and by the time I got home I was exhausted.
Begs the question.... why did I think I could eat a pie when toast is just not on?.... I felt like a complete moron having to throw up at the shopping centre, and all the way home the kids were so worried. Cam.. my youngest asked me if this is what it was going to be like all the time and I felt really bad. I did this to become a good role model to them , not a bulimic one that throws up because I am too stupid to make the right food choices.
Saying that, I feel like I am going through a grieving process over food. In the beginning I was in the head space to deal with being denied certain foods, and I thought that I would deal with all that in the first few weeks after banding. But since I have been eating normally basically from week 2, I think my head had decided this was how it was going to be and hey I can eat ANYTHING... how wrong that is.
I am now having to take cues from the stomach and hope my damn head catches on soon, cause I don't want to keep this up, even if I have lost 2kg in 6 days. I would like to think its because I am doing the right thing, alas... its cause I am a dumbass....
Will do measurements and photos tonight...... I am 2 months banded on the 9th.....
Tuesday, 3 July 2007
Houston.... We Have Restriction......!!!!!
I have been a total slack arse, 2 weeks and no entries. Its not that I didn't want to, I have just been trying not to be obsessed with the computer... oh and I work too much I feel.
Well I went back on the 19th June and had my 2nd fill, Dr Tony added another ml to my already ineffective 5 mls, and I left feeling quiet confident that this was going to make a big difference....
....... WRONG !!!!!............. nothing, zilch, zip... I could still eat anything and although I wasn't starving, I was still hungry and eating too much (I felt). I was having a little restriction in the mornings and I had on a couple of occasions felt I hadn't chewed enough and I definitely can't eat bread and chicken was a hit or miss kinda thing, so I knew I was getting close to restriction.... BUT...My weight loss was pathetic and in actual fact I gained weight in the week between 1st and 2nd fill.... not happy Jan !!!
Last Friday I had another appointment booked with the dietitian and Dr Fill (heheh Tony). Firstly I went in to see the sinus infected, diet coke lecturing, off the general topic Dietitian with a plan not to pay good money to hear her complain about snot and water damage from the floods. I laid it on the line and told her I wasn't happy with my progress and felt I needed direction... a diet of sorts. Of course then I got the "This is not supposed to be a diet but a lifestyle change blah blah blah....." so I replied with "look... I didn't pay $4000 to put on weight I could have done that at Burger King for 100 bucks and a full belly"...ok...I didn't really say that ... but I wanted to.
I told her that while I was struggling I needed a plan (notice I didn't call it a f%#&ing diet... why do dietitians hate that word...it is exactly that..A DIET!!!!) Did she have a diabetic diet plan that perhaps I could follow?.. ok that out of the way and now feeling she actually earned the money that was paid to her I ventured into Dr Fill.
Tony was happy to give me another fill, I told him what I could and couldn't eat, and we both decided that 1/2ml was the best option, slowly...slowly... I didn't want to make an emergency call to him on the weekend to have some removed. I went out into the waiting room and drank the water easily and thought that perhaps I should have asked for a whole ml ...but hey too late now.
That night I struggled to eat some soup, Saturday for lunch I had some fried rice and threw it up, couldn't eat my porridge on Sunday morning and have basically been eating mushies since. I have wanted this restriction with a passion now for 7 weeks and when I finally got it I was in SHOCK.. I can't believe how restricted I am. I have to consciously remind myself to chew chew chew every bite... and I mean chew it to a pulp or else I have a problem and have to throw up. I can drink fine and eat pretty well if I chew and I am hoping that it will ease slightly in the next week, but I am very happy to finally have restriction...
On the bright side the scales are moving ..... and in the right direction this time. I will keep you posted on that part, I don't want to get too excited just yet !!!
Think Skinny.... Think Skinny !!!!!!
Well I went back on the 19th June and had my 2nd fill, Dr Tony added another ml to my already ineffective 5 mls, and I left feeling quiet confident that this was going to make a big difference....
....... WRONG !!!!!............. nothing, zilch, zip... I could still eat anything and although I wasn't starving, I was still hungry and eating too much (I felt). I was having a little restriction in the mornings and I had on a couple of occasions felt I hadn't chewed enough and I definitely can't eat bread and chicken was a hit or miss kinda thing, so I knew I was getting close to restriction.... BUT...My weight loss was pathetic and in actual fact I gained weight in the week between 1st and 2nd fill.... not happy Jan !!!
Last Friday I had another appointment booked with the dietitian and Dr Fill (heheh Tony). Firstly I went in to see the sinus infected, diet coke lecturing, off the general topic Dietitian with a plan not to pay good money to hear her complain about snot and water damage from the floods. I laid it on the line and told her I wasn't happy with my progress and felt I needed direction... a diet of sorts. Of course then I got the "This is not supposed to be a diet but a lifestyle change blah blah blah....." so I replied with "look... I didn't pay $4000 to put on weight I could have done that at Burger King for 100 bucks and a full belly"...ok...I didn't really say that ... but I wanted to.
I told her that while I was struggling I needed a plan (notice I didn't call it a f%#&ing diet... why do dietitians hate that word...it is exactly that..A DIET!!!!) Did she have a diabetic diet plan that perhaps I could follow?.. ok that out of the way and now feeling she actually earned the money that was paid to her I ventured into Dr Fill.
Tony was happy to give me another fill, I told him what I could and couldn't eat, and we both decided that 1/2ml was the best option, slowly...slowly... I didn't want to make an emergency call to him on the weekend to have some removed. I went out into the waiting room and drank the water easily and thought that perhaps I should have asked for a whole ml ...but hey too late now.
That night I struggled to eat some soup, Saturday for lunch I had some fried rice and threw it up, couldn't eat my porridge on Sunday morning and have basically been eating mushies since. I have wanted this restriction with a passion now for 7 weeks and when I finally got it I was in SHOCK.. I can't believe how restricted I am. I have to consciously remind myself to chew chew chew every bite... and I mean chew it to a pulp or else I have a problem and have to throw up. I can drink fine and eat pretty well if I chew and I am hoping that it will ease slightly in the next week, but I am very happy to finally have restriction...
On the bright side the scales are moving ..... and in the right direction this time. I will keep you posted on that part, I don't want to get too excited just yet !!!
Think Skinny.... Think Skinny !!!!!!
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