Skinny on the Inside

Happy New Year 2009

2009-01-02T13:33:00.005+11:00

Hi Everybody,

Just wanted to say Happy New Years. Hope everybody is enjoying the festive season.

Mine has been great, Xmas went off without a hitch, it was laid back and non eventful (just the way I like it) we spent boxing day at Blacksmith’s beach/lagoon and had an absolute ball. I even rode the boogie board down the sand dunes (as my facebook friends have already seen) it’s just a shame the walk up the damn dune was so tough I would have done it a few more times.

Food wise I have had a couple of shitty days where I have had a bit of swelling and not been able to eat anything but basically this was due to eating too fast or the wrong thing. Same old same old.

The good news is I have now lost 32kg….. I am stoked and now motivated to get it moving again. 83kg down from 115.8kg. Size 22-24 to a 14 and I feel fabulous. That means that If my goal weight is 70kg I now have lost 71% of my excess body weight in 19 months.

Last Friday when we went to the beach I tried to put on some boardies from last season, they not only didn’t fit me they fell straight o the ground. I had to wear a pair of my hubby’s that were loose on me but stayed on my hips at least.

This has been a tough journey with as many negative experiences and positive at times, but BY GOD I would NEVER EVER EVER say I regretted having it done. My family are proud of me, my kids tell me most days how skinny and beautiful I am (they are obviously blinded by love lol) and my husband as well as being proud loves the new bod. My mum and dad were moved to tears on Xmas day by my appearance and the customers at work don’t recognize me. I had to show my license to a lady at Target the other day when doing a refund and she literally looked at the license 3 or 4 times and looked back at me, she didn’t say anything but I knew what she was thinking…..”where the hell have her jowls gone”.

Well… My 2008 has been good and bad for many reasons… but hey aren’t most years. Here is to 2009 being everything we hope and dream for, and if for any reason it’s not, lets hope the goods outweigh the bad times.

Thanks to my bandster friends new and old for all your support and friendship in 2008.

Again … HAPPY NEW YEAR….

Cheers
Tarnya xxx

Some Photos

2008-09-09T15:41:00.003+10:00

Eating......Too Little vs Too Much

2008-09-01T16:24:00.002+10:00

Adam and Mummy

My husband has always called me "The grass is greener girl". He reckons I am always envious of what I don't have, I have always thought it was just a girl thing.... you know... I have dark hair/wanted blond hair like my sister...... I had enormous breasts/wanted average size ones.... I had straight hair/wanted curly.... I am large/wanted to be petite... and so on.

Lately I have been thinking a bit more into this, before I was banded all I wanted was to not eat so much, I would eat and eat and still want to eat but hated myself at the same time. I thought if only I was banded I wouldn't be hungry and wanted so badly not to eat. Then once I was banded and had a few fills I couldn't eat so much, and all I wanted to do was sit and eat a decent sized meal.

During my banded time I have had quite a few adjustments, initially I went up to 7mls in a 10ml band and was literally not eating anything, my hair was falling out and my body stopped loosing weight ... shut down I think. I then wised up and have been sitting on 5-5.5mls on and off for quiet a while. Back in Feb I had a stomach virus and the vomiting caused swelling and irritation to the point where I had to have a few mls taken out, during this time I ate like a horse and gained 7kg in a very short period of time. I LOVED the eating but at the same time wished I could eat less.

And so this is how I spend my time.... whilst restricted I wish I wasn't and whilst loose enough to eat semi heartily I wish I could eat less...

This week I had another 0.3mls put into the band and by Friday I was quiet restricted, not being used to it (cause ya brain conveniently forgets what it's like) I had a bit of a regurg and spent yesterday not able to eat anything and drinking was almost difficult... and you guessed it I spent the day BITCHING that I couldn't eat. A good nights rest and this morning I had a cup of tea (just to test) and all was good, I then backed that up with a Macca's thick shake while i was out and about 10 rice crackers with Blue Castello when I got home.... NOW I wished I couldn't eat....

God help me I piss myself off, I can only imagine what I have been doing to my poor husband for the last 15 years....

But that's between me and you okay !!!!

Cheers Tarn xxx

P.s. scales have moved, but that was pre Castello !!!

Slow & Steady Hasn't Won This Race

2008-08-29T22:21:00.002+10:00

A few months ago I was running my band fairly tight, I wasn't eating a lot, and rarely hungry. I was having chuck ups though and my food regime was very limited. BUT I was loosing weight.

My gorgeous friend Trish at this time was having alot of troubles with her band and experiencing more and more pain every day (and this had been happening for a while with tests revealing nothing). It all came to a head with her having emergency surgery after her Dr realised that the band had slipped. He decided to do a readjustment leaving the band unclipped (to wait for the swelling to subside) rather that a full replacement or removal(as he threatened). 6 or 8 weeks later Trish had another op to clip the band up and after a few dramas here and there she is thankfully back on track.

When this all happened I freaked out, her Dr had accused her of bringing this on herself from vomiting and wanting too much too fast (which was horse shit in her circumstance). This is where I judged myself as being. I was too restricted and wanting desperately to loose weight FAST. So with a bit of a wake up call at the expense of poor Trish, I had 1ml taken out of my band. This allowed me to eat more, which I sorely craved..... and this also stopped the weight loss.

For the last few months I have eaten lots of my favourite foods (except bread) and enjoyed way too many alcoholic beverages... but boy I have enjoyed it.

Now.... I want to get back on track. The days are getting warmed, the jumpers aren't so thick and I want to be a size 14......actually I want to be a size 12, but I will settle for a 14 in the mean time.

Size 14 shorts..... size 14 sleeveless tank top ........ size 14 undies..... and size 14 bra.

This is my short term goal before summer starts.

I went to see Dr Fill (I love you Dr Fill)on Tuesday and had another 0.3mls put into the band, this brings me up to 5.8mls. I wasn't sure it had made too much of a difference until I went out to dinner tonight, 3 mouthfuls in and I was full...... that was it... so it was a doggy bag for Tarnya. So now it starts, hopefully I am restricted enough to cut down on my intake and with the exercise I have promised myself to do (god help me) those scales are going down baby.... way down.

See ya when I am lighter

Cheers Tarn xxx

The Return of The Absent Blogger

2008-08-28T12:20:00.002+10:00

I can't believe it's been 3 months since I last posted.... But I have reappeared...Here is my excuse.

I have 2 boys aged 10 and 11 who are gorgeous, feral, active and I absolutely adore them. I also had a baby boy 15 years ago, I was newly married and very young. I started suffering with pre-eclampsia at 24 weeks pregnant and by 26 weeks had gone into Kidney and Liver failure, so the decision was made to have an emergency Caesar to save my life. Mitchell David Haines was born at 7.10pm on 10th July 1993 weighing 900g and breathed his only struggled breaths for 30 minutes before passing away in my husbands arms whilst I was struggling with my own life in ICU.

Dealing with your own near death experience can be a dramatic thing, afterwards you feel enlightened, uplifted and ready to make the big decisions to change ones life for the better. I had honestly thought I was going to die, I had Drs discussing my percentage chances of survival, with me in the same room, My last thoughts before going under anaesthetic was "how will my husband live through loosing me and the baby". So to come out the other side was truly a bonus.

I then shut out my emotions of loosing my baby, I agreed to nurse him during those early hours in ICU but don't remember anything more than the shape and the colour of the blanket, I was 22 and too scared to look at this poor, tiny, perfectly formed baby, so don't have that visual/emotional memory of him . All I have is a photo, footprint, hand print and a shaving of his blond hair.

Afterwards it was hard to get a grip on my emotions, I was thrilled to be alive and have a second chance with the love of my life, but felt guilty about feeling this way when I had just lost my baby. Looking back I don't think I ever really dealt with my emotions and started a rather large trend of "It's Ok I can cope"

4 years later I felt strong enough to try again, and after a barrage of test on every part of my anatomy was told that the possibility of it happening again with the same partner was VERY rare. I fell pregnant with Adam and was in pregnancy heaven (amongst vomiting every day for 26 weeks) until 30 weeks when the symptoms started again. High blood pressure, protein in my urine , reduced urinary output and general unwell. Adam was born on 15th August, 9 weeks premature weighting 1830g (3lb 10oz) and the sight of him was just amazing. I had never felt so scared as when they said I was going to have him so early. I had envisioned empty arms again. But thankfully blessed with this little angel (ppft I can't believe he was ever so tiny, hopeless and not the monster he can be now at times).

He was in NICU for 4 weeks and those were 4 very hard empty armed weeks for a new mother, pining for her long awaited baby. Emotionally I coped alright with this, as I had a goal of this tiny perfect baby at the end of the long wait. I travelled 40min every day to see him and stayed at the hospital from 7 am till 4pm feed. I would then go home make dinner and my husband and I would go back to the hospital to do last feed at night. But it's what I had to do and I got my baby home in the end.

6 months later after feeling shocking for 2 weeks the Dr gave me the delightful news that I was pregnant again (to my horror). I was told that there is NO WAY pre-eclampsia could happen AGAIN. Well it did. Cameron was born 5th August at 3o weeks weighing 1800g (3lb 9oz) after me being hospitalized and away from my 10 month old baby for 3 weeks. There were no available neonatal beds at JHH and I was sent over 2 hrs away to Liverpool hospital for Cam to be born.

I was away from my baby, family, friends, and for a lot of the time my husband(who I sent home to look after Adam) It was the worst hospital I have ever been to, filled with the rudest, most uncaring staff members I have ever met. I did not have a phone to be contacted on and was not forwarded any messages from anybody who tried to contact me. When I cried about my situation I was told they were too busy and that the payphone was in the foyer. I was told to make my own way to NICU which was 2 flights up and on the other side of the hospital, with 1 day old Caesar scar and a recently dysfunctioning liver and kidney mind you.

The emotions that I had sucked up and tucked away from my previous experiences came to a head and I ended up with post natal depression. 2 babies under the age of 1 and fear of telling people I wasn't coping brought me to meltdown when Cam was 4 months old. I was basically a mess, having anxiety attacks and the whole time being in denial of what was happening. With counselling and a lot of hard work I dragged my way through and have been a fairly good mum.

NOW...... the reason I just unloaded this was to give you some incite to my mental instability...lol...no really... I mean I wanted to let you know that I have suffered anxiety and depression in the past and for 8 years have had only minor hiccups but coped fairly well.

Until May...

I started to take on too much at work, became secretary for the footy club and President for the P&C, was struggling a little with my band and all of a sudden I had a meltdown. I had anxiety attacks (which I hadn't had for many many years) and basically disliked everybody (except immediate family). I couldn't cope with talking to anybody on the phone, and if asked a question that needed an answer I was a blob of jelly.

So for the last few months I have been on the mend, trying to take it easy and learn to say NO... It's funny, you don't realise how much people expect of you until you pull back. I basically didn't put myself out there for anybody except David and my boys and some people (the takers in our lives) really resented it.

I feel great now. I took the boys away to the Gold Coast in July for a holiday while my husband went fishing in Darwin. He flew in and met us on his way home and we had a few days together before driving home. I really needed it. To get away from everything and just ENJOY your kids for a change is wonderful. The boys were protective and helpful(under instruction from Dad) and treated me like a queen...God I love em !!!!

SO...I am back... I will try and be more regular with my posts, and will try and catch you up on how my banding experience is going.

Hope I haven't bored you to tears

Cheers Tarn xxxx

Bandiversary

2008-05-11T22:02:00.002+10:00

Well folks it's been 1 year since I had little Freddy inserted into my belly, and what an eventful year it has been.

I have

Lost 27 kg
Felt sexier
Got heaps of compliments
Gone down 4 dress sizes
Gone down a shoe size
Been told I look younger
Been hit on twice whilst out
Met a banded friend that I could now not live without
met lots of new and interesting people
struggled with food
Bought my first pair of proper jeans
bought my first belt
had heaps of ups and downs
Been told that my kids are proud of me
Had better sex than for a long time
bought a push up bra (OMG)
bought sexy underwear
and.....
never been unhappy with my decision to have to operation.....

So all in all its been eventful, trying, hard, enjoying, emotional and liberating. I am so glad I did it and I can not believe it's been 1 year already. I am absolutely positive I would be still 115kg if not more if I had not had the lap band, possibly starting diabetes medication and who knows...maybe even blood pressure meds. So I am thrilled.

I started writing this blog for my own benefit originally as I needed to vent and I hadn't told any of my friends. I really have found it very therapeutic just writing this stuff as well as all the VERY positive feedback I have gotten from everybody. I want to thank you all for visiting and sharing my journey, for encouraging me and supporting me. I also hoped in a small and unromantic way that perhaps I was helping others out there going through the same thing or thinking about having the op that it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops... but that it was still all good....

My goal now in the next year is to (of course) loose some more weight. I would like to be 79kg that's just under 10kg away, I want to be fitter, which won't be hard cause I am a lazy bitch at the moment. I want to get a quote on a tummy tuck.... cause I am sick to fucking tired of having an apron tummy(don't start the exercise shit with me ... I know already).

I am proud of me.....

Happy Bandiversary to me !!!!!

Tarn xxx

I am Back

2008-05-02T16:02:00.002+10:00

Okay I know... I am a slack ass lazy blogger..!!..

All I get is ...where are you Tarn?
Whats happened Tarn ?
Why not updates Tarn?

Never fear...all is good

Since the gastro bug life has been interesting, as I said, I had 5 mls taken out to relieve swelling from throwing up. I had no fill for 3 weeks.... OH MY GOD it was heaven. I could eat almost anything and everything and loved it (no wonder I am fat). in those 3 weeks I put on 6kg...can you believe it ?

I went back to Tony and had 3 mls put back in and then 2 weeks after that 1 ml and then 1ml a week after that, and all was good. That bought me up to Easter. A week later I seem to hit restriction all of a sudden and was really struggling with solids but decided to sit it out (as uncomfortable as I was) The weight was moving and I lost the 6kg that I had put on due to over indulgence.

My girlfriend Trish during all this time was having huge problems, and in severe pain. She thought she either had gall stones or a slipped band, but barium swallow and ultra sound said otherwise. 3 trips to the emergency rooms finally had her surgeon deciding that it WAS a slipped band and she was taken into surgery to have it taken out. Whilst in there he had a change of heart and realigned the band and left it unclipped to allow for the swelling to subside (they think she may have had a slipped band since October the poor thing).

This was a bit of a wake up call for me, I had been sitting on very high restriction and vomiting frequently for a week or so, and when I heard about Trish I rang Dr Tony straight away and had 1ml taken out. The relief was incredible...... you don't realise how uncomfortable it is until it is released a little and it feels like you can breath again.... like wearing tight jeans, while you have them on they are okay, but the minute you take them off ...it's thank fuck for that!!!

I have gained 2 kg and am sitting on 90kg..... I really wanted 85 for my birthday (last week) but it didn't happen...oh well.... it's not the end of the world nor the end of my story... I will get there, but it is going to be really slow for a while. Dr Tony will now only put 0.2mls at a time from now on and wants to do them at least 2-3 weeks apart due to my 2 weeks later restriction habit I have.

SO...... this is the reason I haven't been on here..... I have been unhappy (but not angry) with my progress, and somewhat busy as well. To tell you the truth it's hard to write on here when you don't feel like you are succeeding, it's way easier when things are going great and your frickin head is the size of the Goodyear blimp because you are doing swell.....

so sorry guys, it's just been a hick up in the road to skinny.... but I am back on track.....

1 week to my Bandiversary.....Omg... ! Year

Ciao Bella's

Tarn xxx

I'm Feeling Better..... BUT !!!!

2008-02-26T08:38:00.003+11:00

Firstly I have to say sorry about the picture on the last post...... it was Gross I know, I think maybe I was still under the weather...lol

I am feeling soooooo much better, but in saying that I have an appetite like hell. All I want is food. I spent 2 whole days where nothing past my lips, add in no restriction and you have a lions hunger.......

Yesterday I had a few slices of cheese for lunch, and a weight watchers chicken Risotto for dinner and went to bed at about 9.30, I was up at 10 pacing the house wanting food. My appetite came back with avengance. I made myself a cuppa and tried to be satisfied with that and have woken this morning feeling like I could sit down to Bacon and eggs with a side pancakes....

I am now going to make myself some scrambled eggs (which I forever have trouble with when restricted) and try try try not to over indulge myself today. I had dreams of KFC Zinger burgers last night and Roast Lamb last night...lol .....Exactly... IN MY DREAMS !!!!

Ok... I am off to enjoy a breakfast for the first time in 6 months...

Tarn xxx

My Friend RALPH !!!!..... NOT !!!

2008-02-25T17:09:00.002+11:00

AAAARRRGHHH !!!

I am so crook. I always wondered what would happen or how I would cope if I got a gastro/stomach bug..... well now I know!!!!

I went to work Saturday morning and came home and had some Sumin noodles in a cup, that was all I felt like, but after eating about a quarter I felt sick and threw up. I put this down to the band as sometimes I can eat noodles and other times the band just hates them. We were having visitors for dinner, so I made nibbles tray, a kick ass potato bake, creek salad and and chili cheese pull-apart (all of which I wouldn't be able to eat but hey... you gotta look after your guests)

All was going well, I managed some feta, tomato and avocado, but the whole time felt queasy. Just before they all left at about 11pm I started to vomit (again thought it was the band and that I was just not tolerating food). When we went to bed I started getting reflux and the heartburn was incredible, I have never felt anything like this. If that wasn't pure acid in my mouth I know nothin'. I then started vomiting every 15-20 min, and the nausea was awful. I finally laid on the lounge at about 5 and dosed.

Dave woke me at 6.30 and took me to bed after I chucked once again. I then slept till 11am (poor kids occupied themselves) After I got up I noticed my tummy was really sore, not unlike you would expect after a night of vomiting, I managed maybe 2 small sips of water which hurt my raw throat and struggled down my tummy. Later about 2 pm it all started to go terribly wrong.

I couldn't keep anything down.... I was in pain in my chest and abdomen.... and I was struggling to swallow my saliva.... I was obviously swollen...NOT GOOD !!

I rang Dr Fill on his mobile number and he told me he was in Sydney 2 hrs away(with his colleagues) at a conference and wouldn't be home til 8.30 that night but wanted to meet me. I struggled through till then and Dave drove me over to the surgery to meet this poor man that had been working all weekend at 8.30pm on a Sunday night. I felt really bad. He was great about it, told me I had done the right thing and that he didn't want me in pain.

He decided to take all my fill out (horror horror) I started to tear up, lip quivering , and he tells me not to worry he will put the whole lot back in on Tuesday if I am better, but that I couldn't go on as I was, it was likely that I would swell more before it subsided. Because I trusted him I relented.

There was instant nausea as he withdrew the 5 mls ( he left 0.4mls in there) it was like he was sucking out my lifes blood it was that dramatic..lol maybe not dramatic... but a huge difference. The release of pressure was instant. He then asked me to drink some water slowly and amazingly enough it went down. I thanked him and thanked him and apologised for inconveniencing him and went home and slept like a baby.

I am so lucky to have a great Dr like him...... I can't say enough about him... he is WONDERFUL. Today I feel much better, I am drinking and eating, but still exhausted and washed out. I have made an appointment for Tuesday (tomorrow) but told the girls at the surgery that I would see how I am in the morning, I certainly don't want to push it.

LESSON: Do not get a stomach bug......

Talk soon

Tarn

Oh..... he weighed me.... since the 20th December(last appointment) till yesterday I had lost 14kg... OMG.... that's 2 months

T xxxx

OMG.... What a difference !!!!

2008-02-17T13:46:00.007+11:00

Feb 07

April 07 June 07

I was looking at some old photos this morning and found these...... OMG what a difference 12 months can make with this band.

Sometimes you get complacent and think.... yeah.. I've done OK. But to looking at the before and afters I must say I have to give myself more credit.... I have done better than ok...... I have done GREAT !!!!!

Feb 08

I just hope that in 12 months time. I can look at this photo and think I have improved on this... Look how far I have come in this last 12 months !!!!

1 step at a time, 1 kg at a time... it all adds up, no matter how fast or how slow you are loosing it, it all makes a difference.............. A GOOD DIFFERENCE !!!!

If I can do this...anybody can

Cheers Tarn xxxx

2008-02-10T18:04:00.000+11:00

88.9 kg..... 27kg lost in 9 Months

2008-02-09T16:54:00.000+11:00

YEEAAAAAHHHH !!!! I am down into the 80's and I did it with a big jump. I weighed in at 90.0kg on Friday morning and today I went down a whole kg.

I have to say that it is actually COLD here today, like a May day, certainly not a bloody February day thats for sure, so I am thinking that it is because of that. My rings will not stay on. I have moved all my rings other than my wedding and engagement rings up a finger and still they are loose and my wed & eng rings look like a 5 year old wearing her Mum's. I will go to the jewellers tomorrow and arrange to have those springy things put in them till I stabilize.

I have gotten rid of another 2 basket fulls of clothes and today went and added to my new (non-existent wardrobe) by buying 3-4 tops off the clearout racks at Target, but when I got home I decided I should have bought a jacket and some trackies aswell...lol.

9 Months Banded Today

Stats since 9/5/07

weight: -27kg
Bust; -16cm
Waist: -22cm
Abdom: -15cm
Hips: -20cm
Thigh: -14.5cm
Knee: -12cm
Arm: -9cm
Ankle: -1.5cm
Neck: -5cm

I am very pleased with myself and my husband is just loving it, he comments constantly. This morning I got out of bed and came out to the kitchen and his words of greeting were "Morning Skinny, do you want a cuppa". I just beamed at him.

I asked him in bed the other morning if it feels different when we have sex, he said only that there was less of me, he then asked ....why.... did it feel different for me. I told him HELL YES !!! First off I can actually breathe, as my legs are not pushing against my belly and lungs, and secondly I was getting contact from him in places that had only had flab touching it, I also feel a hell of a lot more agile and comfortable.... So the answer is YES in some really great ways. (He said he thought I was breathless over him...hehehehe)

Food wise I have had a couple of hard days where I haven't been able to eat much at all. I am probably only managing a cup a day of solid food and the rest liquid. I had a bad day friday where I had eaten too fast and vomitted a few times and couldn't keep anything down, which was horrible. I have plans to see Dr Fill this week and see if he will take 0.1ml out and if thats not enough do it again a few days later....

Thats about it I think...

Will take some photos in my SIZE 16 !!! clothes tomorrow and post some...

Cheers Tarn xxx

91.2kg and Counting

2008-02-05T16:50:00.000+11:00

When I got on the scales this morning they said.... 91.2kg... dadaaaaaa

I only have 1.3kgs to go before I am in the 80's.... I can't wait.... I can't wait

For a few weeks now I have been loosing weight steadily and the results have been fantastic, it has slowed a little this week after my ketosis theory ( I knew I shouldn't have said it outloud) but it is still coming off. I had to go and order new work clothes today. I bought size 16 top and bottoms and they fit like a glove. I can remember being in size 16 pants about 10 years ago after loosing 26kg on WW but my tops were still size 22's (this was before the breast reduction 8years ago) so for me to be wearing a size 16 top is a first.

I went out on Saturday night with a few friends and danced the night away and drank a little too much (how fast do you get drunk these days...wow) I was a little seedy on Sunday and had organised to go to The Central Coast Bansters lunch at Charlestown. We met at 11.30 and had a great time chatting and what not. But because I was seedy I wanted something greasy and wicked (man I would have slit someones throat for the ability to eat a bacon and egg roll) I ordered beer battered fish and first mouthful in I was doubled over with pain.

The worst thing about hanging with banded people is they watch and read your body language when you are eating, and I felt terribly embarrassed about going to the loo and throwing up. In non banded company if this happened I could have slipped away and noone would have thought anything about it. I then sat and waited and tried again, but to no avail. I must have really been hungry and eaten too much too fast. I suffered all day and all night for it and have taken it easy with the food since.

I know I am probably sightly too restricted, but generally I have been eating accordingly, but I really am hesitant to have any removed untill I go away for Easter. I am enjoying the weight loss and trying to be carefull......(most of the time)

Do many of you struggle eating breaky? I can't seem to make myself eat in the morning. The tummy grumbles but I can't stomach anything. I started last week to have an Optifast instead of my cup of tea to try and boost my vits and minerals a little, but even then I don't always feel like it. I don't know if this is wrong, or weather I should just go with the flow.....

Til next time

Cheers Tarn xxxx

Stats Update

2008-01-27T09:39:00.000+11:00

Dave & I on New Years Eve. (drunk.... shhhh)

There has been such dramatic change in my weight in the last few weeks I decided to do a stats update again......

Since 9/5/2007

Cm's Lost

weight = 23.2kg

Chest = 14cm

Upper Arm = 8cm

Abdom = 13cm

Waist = 19cm

Tummy = 18cm

Hips = 17cm

Thigh = 14cm

Knee = 11.5cm

Ankle = 1.5cm

Neck = 5cm
-----------------

Total Loss =121cm

WOW.... that's 23 cm in 3 weeks. I noticed as I was doing the measurements that it was basically 3 cm off each area, its good to know I am shrinking evenly.

I hope this continues.... but if not, I am enjoying it while it lasts.

Cheers Tarn xxx

Is Ketosis the Answer ?

2008-01-25T19:48:00.000+11:00

I've been thinking.... (mmm dangerous)

I am not eating any carbohydrates, my breath has started to smell, as does my urine and I am loosing weight faster than I ever have.... Am I in Ketosis ?

I went to kiss Dave (hubby) this morning and he lets out a EEEWWW and screws his face up like I have leprosy. He then tells me my breath is really bad and I have to say it didn't feel that great either. I then realised that my mouth had tasted weird for a week or so and I have been chewing on the old chewy to get rid of the taste. I had put this down to not eating as much as often.

I didn't do Optifast or Tony Ferguson pre-op which puts you into ketosis, but had read about it and the side effects of bad breath due to acetone being excreted out of your body as the ketones are converted from fat tissue to fuel...... could this be what was happening ?????

I went to work today and questioned the pharmacist, who told me that it was indeed possible to put yourself into ketosis if you consumed less that 30g carbs per day... (that's me) consumed a diet higher in protein (me to) and as I said I have the smelly breath and loosing the weight finally.

I have also done a bit of googling and found out that there is no danger in being in ketosis .

"While ever you are carrying excess body fat, feel well, sleep well and are stable in your moods having no problem with lipid values, blood pressure or blood sugar levels you may continue for six months or more."

I am seeing my GP this week and will ask him to do a ketosis test and check all of my levels to see if 1. I am in ketosis and 2. It is safe for me to be so.

Anyway.... it was just a thought...

Cheers Tarn xxx

I Think I Finally Get It !!!!!

2008-01-24T15:38:00.000+11:00

I have spoken to lots of bandster.... and I know we all have different stories about how hard or how easy it is, and so far mine has been of the struggling kind. I seem to loose a few kilos then plateau for a month or so, then go down another 5 and stop and so on...... FRUSTRATING

Well since just before Xmas I seem to have hit a spot where things have been smoother, whether that means I am at a sweat spot or not... I can't tell you, but the ride is smoother.

I am loosing weight nearly every day, even if it is only 0.1 or 0.2kg I am doing it gradually and regularly and besides the first week this is the first time that has happened, and I am enjoying it.

Not only that ,other people and especially my husband are getting excited for me, and it is very encouraging. I catch glimpses of myself and think WOW you look heaps younger, or GEE look how great your shoulders look, and GOD !!! it is a nice feeling to view yourself in a positive light for a change.

My rings are getting really loose, to the point where I am loosing them of a night time in bed. I now have to take them off and only wear them of a day. My undies are huge and my shoes are too big, my necklaces actually feel comfy instead of choking me, and my bras are HUGE !!!

All these things are fantastic, its like you find a new secret achievement everyday. A few months back I went and bought a size 18 3/4 denim pants that were firm on me (I started in size 22) and have pretty much been living in them, but yesterday I was told by my mother and husband that they looked like shit catchers because they were so bagging around the arse on me. So today I went and bought myself size 16 pants... and not 16 in the plus section (which is more like an 18) I am talking Rockmans size 16... WHOOOO HOOOO.

The scales say 93.4kg at the moment and I can actually see myself getting to my 85kg by my birthday on 26th April if this keeps up. Now that will make me VERY Happy. My bandiversary is on the 9th May and 85 kg would mean 30kgs lost in 12 months.... can't be unhappy about that now....

Good luck banded ones

Cheers Tarn xxx

Update on Stats

2008-01-04T21:45:00.000+11:00

Thought it was about time that I measured myself. The weigh has been moving and the comments are flying, so I thought an update was called for..... here goes ...

Since 9/5/2007
Cm's Lost

weight = 18.9kg
Chest = 11cm
Upper Arm = 7cm
Abdom = 10cm
Waist = 16cm
Tummy = 14cm
Hips = 14cm
Thigh = 11cm
Knee = 9.5cm
Ankle = 1.5cm
Neck = 4cm
-----------------
Total Loss = 98 cm

UNBELIEVABLE !!!!!!!!

I'm happy

Cheers Tarn xx

Restricted Again...Yeahhhhh... I Think !!!!!

2007-12-22T21:18:00.000+11:00

Dr Fill put 0.2 mls back into my band, which means I have no idea how much is in there at the moment, not since I started playing yoyo with the fills.

I had a good day the day I had the fill, I actually didn't feel any difference (which isn't unusual for me, some times it has taken 2 weeks to make any difference) but I woke up the next day and felt it straight away. I have been having a small bowl of cereal each morning and some mornings could have definitely had more but didn't. But 2 mouthfuls into it and I knew if I had anymore I would vomit.

I can still tolerate crackers, cruskits and really chewed up ham and chicken, but only a mouthful or 2. Tonight we went with friends for Chinese and I had a large bowl of chicken and sweet corn soup and one mouthful of satay chicken and I had eaten too much... I really enjoyed it, but boy I was uncomfortable.

The other huge difference it has made is my drinking of fluids, where I could drink about 10 min after a meal I am now back to 30-45 min after or It all comes back up. I am working hard on being good so I don't vomit and cause swelling again... trying to do the relearning again.

I am frustrated because the damn useless Aldi scales' batteries are flat again so I haven't been able to weight myself. Not that that is a bad thing..... I think I will wait till after Xmas and get batteries when I go back to work. Hopefully by then the scales will have started to move again.

Merry Xmas Possums....

Luv Tarn xxx

Merry Xmas Everybody

2007-12-17T19:27:00.000+11:00

It's the silly season again , where we spend too much, eat too much and drink too much. I have definitely done all three. My weight is pissing me off. My restriction still isn't right, I can and do eat almost anything. I have another appointment tomorrow with Dr Fill, but part of me doesn't want to be too restricted over xmas. The other half doesn't dare want to not be restricted over xmas.... so what do you do?

I have gained a kilo in a month, and in the last 2 weeks have been from party to BBQ constantly, and although I haven't been too stupid, it all adds up. Especially when you haven't been having party food and alcohol very often for the last 7 months.

Above is a photo of me taken last weekend at my work xmas do. As usual I was being a clown but having a great time. I feel great and am getting lots of comments, but gee as usual we are the hardest to please I suppose. I just want to be thinner.....

I also want to be committed to a food regime and a exercise plan. I have not exercised in ages, I know that that is what is hindering my progress but I can't seem to find the motivation. Even the promise of looking better in swimmers hasn't done it for me.

Ok I am not about to use the New Years Resolution bullshit thing... I am staying away from false promises this year. I am grateful to be lighter than last New Years and aim to be lighter still by next. I have set myself a goal of another 15 kg by my birthday in April this will make me 85kg and I will reassess again then.....

Merry Christmas Everybody

Enjoy !!!!!

Love Tarn xxxx

I Love Dr Fill

2007-11-20T15:48:00.001+11:00

As I have mentioned before my surgeon is only the surgeon, the fellow who manages my fills is a Doctor called Tony, and he is wonderful. I have named him Dr Fill for purposes unknown to me.... it just sounds funny.

I made the appointment to see Dr Fill yesterday for 2.30pm today as I work till 1 and the surgery is about 30minutes away. I left work at 20 minutes past one and headed over worried about the traffic and because it is so damn hot thought I would just sit in the air-con waiting room and read.

I got to the surgery at 1.50pm and sat ready to wait for an hour. Tony (aka Dr Fill) comes back in from lunch and spies me sitting there talks to the receptionist and asks me to come on in, as there was no use waiting when he was free...... What a sweety !!!!.(how many people can say you got into a Dr's 1 hr early and not 1 hr late)

I explained to Tony that I was no longer restricted enough and told him how frustrated I am at the not restricted vs too restricted saga all with in a 0.5ml range. He said that some people are lucky enough to hit a sweet spot after a certain amount of fills and manage to maintain it and no drama (obviously this is the same people that weight just falls off - I hate them) but he said for the most part people have to do a few adjustments to get the right result and that the important thing is not to irritate the area with vomiting or BPing as this changes the restriction and causes the vicious cycle.

I know that I know all this already, but it is so nice to have a Dr that is willing to go over and over it and treat you with kindness and understanding, rather than being irritated and short because you don't get it. I say this because a friend of mine goes to another surgeon and has recently had problems with reflux and pain due to overfill and swelling, and when she finally went to her Dr he abused the hell out of her and took all the fill out and told her he was going to only put 1ml back in each 4 weeks. She had lost 18kg on Optifast pre-surgery and 20kg post-surgery in 7 months and he told he off for loosing too much, and that he expected her to loose that much over a 12 month period and not 6 months. She is devastated, she has put 7kg back on and when she saw him the other day he more or less said too bad, and that he was glad.

I am just so happy that Tony is approachable and reasonable. We decided to only put 0.25mls in and leave it for 2 weeks and decide then if I need another, he thought that since 0.5 each way was too dramatic for me in the results, we would take it slowly slowly....

Therefore I love my Dr Fill !!!!!!!

Cheers Tarn xxx

P.s I was down 4kg since 15th October on his scales so 1 kg a week works out to be perfect. Even though it has been way up and way down in that time... (happy days!!!!)

Is It Just Me...... Or Is This Hard ???

2007-11-18T21:50:00.000+11:00

I mean it ..... Am I the only one that finds this dificult? I have spoken to lots of bandsters by email, yahoo message boards and my support group and all I am hearing is massive weight loss....sweet spots (whatever the fuck that is...no sweetness here) no hunger and a new appreciation for food.....

I am hungry and can eat stuff , I have gained weight recently, I am either too restricted or not enough, and I am as frustrated with fucking food now as when I was before.... Give me strength.

I am serious, as greatful as I am for the 15kg that I have lost, I am so very disapointed that in six months that is all I have lost... I mean come on... That is only just over 10% of my starting weight. I did that in 8 weeks at Weight Watchers 5 years ago.

Now before you all get on you hobby horses....YES... I did put that weight back on, but seriously I lost 15kg in 15 weeks ..... and and did a total of 25kg in 35weeks. I looked at the books today and as you can imagine it just made me feel SOOOOO much better about myself.

The reason this has come up is that 2 weeks ago I went and had 0.5ml taken out of the band because I couldn't eat a damn thing and drinking was near impossible, and now I can and want to eat anything. Tomorrow I am calling Dr Fill to ask to see him again to have a top up but I am just scared that I will go back to how I was 2 weeks ago, and I was MISERABLE !!!!!

If I could just find this fucking sweet spot (maybe I should ask the Wizard of Oz for it) I would be happy (said loosely as I am a grass is greener kinda girl.....never happy)

AAAARRRGGGHHH !!!!!!!

Till next temper tantrum

Tarn xxx

Feeling Better - Rehydrated

2007-11-10T16:30:00.000+11:00

I feel so much better now that I can eat solid food. I was just being plain stupid !!!! The blockage obviously had caused lots of swelling which in turn made it impossible for anything to pass my lips. The vicious cycle continues from there vomit causes swelling causes too much restriction causes more vomiting and more swelling and so on....

Water and other fluids was my greatest pleasure this week. Being able to DRINK... not sip-sip a few drops at a time is such a relief. I have gained 1.5kg but I truly think that the fluid loss was ridiculous. I was going to the loo only twice a day and the urine was so concentrated it wrong. But now thankfully I can drink really well.

Eating wise I have been able to eat a wide variety of things. In the last week I have had rice, salad, pasta, cruskits with tomato and cheese, cereal, (oh and hubby is looking over my shoulder and tells me to add KFC...)and all has gone down well. I am feeling hungry now and then and twice have eaten alot more that I thought I would be able to. so I don't think I am exactly at my sweet spot, but I am not going to do anything about it for at least another 2 weeks to see if the restriction changes in that time.

God I love food....... no wonder I ended up fat. I just couldn't live like I was last week when I couldn't eat anything, it was torture. Being able to actually eat has been great but because I had felt deprived I have actually had to stop myself from going a bit crazy.... But again, I don't think this was meant to be easy.... (such is life)

I will be starting walking every morning from tomorrow so I am hoping that might jolt the body into some weight loss action....

Here's hoping

Chow

Tarn xxx

Miss Denial Has Left The Building

2007-11-05T16:02:00.000+11:00

Well..... I rang Dr Tony's (aka Dr Fill) mobile this morning at 8.15 and it was answered by his lovely wife who I apologised to 50 times for disturbing her at home, when I got to talk to Tony he organised to meet me in at Newcastle skin cancer Clinic at Broadmeadow where he works a couple of days a week as a skin cancer specialist (go figure he is also doing lap bands). Anyway we arranged to meet at 9.30am and I had just assumed he was working today, so trotted on in to see him.

The poor fella pops in in jeans and a footy jumper, it appears its his day off but he only lives 5 minutes away and when he heard I needed him was happy to meet up there (god bless his soul) I was so grateful, but embarrassed at the same time, but all was good.

I explained what had been happening (sausage drama and all) and that I was way too restricted and throwing up and having reflux and he was just truly so lovely to me.... compassionate, understanding and didn't once have a go at me. I suggested he take 0.3mls but he talked me into 0.5mls, saying that the recovery time would be lessened by less restriction , and that in a few weeks if I really needed it back he would do it (what more could you ask for !!!!)

I popped up on the bed bared the belly and he actually drew out 5mls into the syringe and held it out for about 10-12minutes while he chatted to me saying it would help as it gave the stomach a rest from the pressure. I Signed the forms, thanked him again from the bottom of my heart and was on my merry way.

On my way into see him that morning I literally forced 70mls of apple juice down and every sip felt like it stayed in the back of my throat. About 2.5 hrs after the fill was taken out I managed to drink a whole 600mls of water over a period of 15-20 min and boy was it great. Straight away I knew I had done the right thing...... Miss Denial had left the building !!!!!!

I actually ate KFC potato and gravy for lunch and FUCK was it A-M-A-Z-I-N-G !!!!!!! I had about half a cup full and felt the carbs pumping around my body immediately. It was just what I needed. I enjoyed it so much, and boy am I looking forward to dinner. Not eating is shit.... it truly does your head in.

I Vow to be less restricted and eat better, even if that means slower weight loss, I will do it the healthy way. No use being skinny if you feel like death and haven't the energy to get your skinny arse off the damn lounge now is it ??????

Keep you posted

Cheers
Tarn xxxxx

I Am Too Restricted

2007-11-04T21:55:00.000+11:00

Remember a few blog entries ago I explained about my family history of DENIAL... especially my mother whom is the person I have to thank for prompting me do this through her rather LARGE denial problem?

Well folks the denial monster has rared its eeergly head in the Haines house, and I am here to say it out loud so I am not in denial anymore....

I am TOOOO restricted !!!!!

All last week I struggled and suffered and kept telling myself it was because I had the altercation with the mouthful of sausage....... Well I was fucking lying to myself...... I literally have eaten almost nothing this week. 1 whole week of sipping...and I mean baby tiny piss-ant sips that have barely kept me hydrated. My urine has been almost orange and my mood has been VERY FRAGILE !!!. Crying at the drop of a hat, being outright vicious about others eating, being a complete bitch because I have to cook for the family and I don't get to eat, and you can just imagine how pleasant I am about cleaning up after food..... and although my energy levels are ok...I am sleeping for 10 hrs a day ( I used to average 5-6 pre-banding).

On Wednesday I had 2 poppers of apple juice, 500ml at most of water and 1 small packet of Malteser's...and that's it. Friday was much the same and Saturday when I tried to eat, I just threw it up. I am also throwing up alot of the fluid I drink as well which is a worry. So of course this also means I have lost weight 1.8kg in 4 days,which at any other time I would be ecstatic about but I just can't be because I am angry with myself for letting it stay like this for a week. I am an idiot .........

First thing in the morning I am ringing Dr Fill and asking for an emergency appointment, he is great, he will make appointments to see you anywhere, a few weeks ago (pre 1st camping trip) he saw me between operations at the local hospital and took some fill out. Anyway I will go see him tomorrow and get some taken out, and feel like I can live and be happy again. I have hated my band more in the last week (except for the double figure day) that I have EVER in this 6 month journey, and on one of my crying sessions actually said out loud "I would much rather be FAT and stuffing my face than do this anymore"

Wash your mouth out Tarnya Haines !!!!!!

So the plan at the mo is call Dr Fill get maybe 0.3ml out and make appointment to see dietitian and him again next Monday to reassess..... ok.... sounds good.

Over and out !!

Luv Tarn xx

D-O-U-B-L-E......D-I-G-I-T-S.........!!!!!

2007-10-31T22:18:00.000+11:00

WHHHHOOOOOO HOOOOOO

I diiiiid it

I diiiid it

I made double diiiiigits........

I'm so happy.... I have reached my first MAJOR goal at last... this morning when I stood on the scales I was 99.9kg....... Yes folks it may only be 100grams less than 100kg, BUT I DON'T CARE!!

As I explained I have been in a bit of pain and had a few probs on Monday after my disastrous camping trip but I went back to liquids for 48 hours and started on solids again tonight. I can't believe what a difference it makes when you are having problems (especially keeping things down) to have a liquid break and let the swelling go down. I feel almost back to normal compared to Sunday and Monday when I couldn't keep anything down and was having pain.

Well that's all from me. I just wanted to brag.....

BRING ON 95kg.......

Luv Tarn xxx

Are We There YET !!!!

2007-10-30T13:41:00.000+11:00

Well in 2 weeks time I will have been banded for 6 months. Pre surgery I really thought that by this stage I would have definitely been in double figures. I am a little disappointed, but in saying that it has been a hell of a lot harder than I ever imagined it to be. When your life has revolved around food like mine did (and no doubt yours as well) and I was always dreaming, thinking and waiting for my next fix, I have to say that the banding has only taken away about half of that.

I still think of food.... I still worry about food... I still make myself guilty about food. But for totally different reasons. I think constantly about what I should have for my next meal and I worry constantly about the choice and will I be able to get it down, and I feel guilty if I make a stupid decision where the food makes me BP or vomit...... Does that make sense... can anyone relate?

I also get really sad (maybe even slightly depressed) about not being able to eat. Not all the time mind you, but as an example. Last weekend we went camping at a charity motor cross rally at Bulladealla (about 2 hrs from home) and on the first night there I had an altercation with a sausage (that I ate 1 whole bite of) and ended up vomiting and obviously caused some swelling. I then struggled all weekend and brought up nearly everything I ate (which wasn't much I can tell you) but not being able to have anything but straight fluids really gets you down. I couldn't manage more that 1-2 small sips at a time. Now yesterday I was almost bed ridden by exhaustion, and sadness (i hate the word depression) I slept, sipped and laid on the lounge all day (instead of unpacking and washing from the camping trip) and I only felt better today after I accidental hit my head on a cupboard and cried (dramatically) for 20 minutes. It took the knock to the head to relieve the tension I think.... Always the drama queen.

I managed to loose 2.2 kg over the last week, and obviously alot of that was because of the weekend... but was it worth it...... doesn't feel like it.

I am now back down to 100.5kg which takes me back to where I was a month ago before my last camping trip where I put on 3.something kgs. Funny that I put it all on in one camping trip (god that was a great weekend) and taken it off on another camping trip (which was a shocker)

I am going to end this by saying that I am not too restricted I was just STUPID !!! And also By saying that I am still SOOOO happy that I had this done, I really am. It just isn't always easy, and I suppose at the end of this journey (my goal weight) it will be the hard times that will more than likely keep me in line and make me want to stay thin and not revisit all this shit again.

It's a journey

Cheers Tarn xxx

Evil Double Figures.....

2007-10-18T16:19:00.000+10:00

I am absolutely sure that I sabotage myself. I know the old addage is "your own worst enemy" but I am starting to think it is real and not just a cliche. I got down to 100.2kg....Thats 0.3kg... 300kg .... a large poo.... a walk around the block even away from double figures. I could taste it. I was hungry for it. I was ready to set off fireworks..........

Let me start at the beginning. I was starting to have a little heart burn, and a close bandit friend of mine was having tests for a slipped band which had started with heartburn and progressed to worse so I was starting to worry. I was also going away camping in the bush 3.5hrs away from civilisation and started to panic about having problems whilst so far away. So I rang Dr Fill on the Thursday before I left and asked him to take out 0.5mls as a precaution (I had 7.5mls in a 10ml band).

Well the difference was unbelievable, I went from sipping to nearly sculling in a matter of an hour. I could eat almost anything. (in there lies the problem......Dah) and the hunger came back instantly. I can NOT BELIEVE how much half a ml did.....
Anyhows I went away and had a great weekend, I ate, drank, drank, and was very merry. I had not been able to drink ANY soft drink and maybe only 1 glass of alcohol prior but managed to drink ALOT ....ALL weekend.

3.5kg...... that's how much weight I put on in 5 days. I was shocked to the core.... and totally devastated. Dr Fill put 0.3mls back in a week later and I have managed to loose 2kg in 3 weeks but I am once again TOO far away from my next goal and I have definitely lost momentum. I am still hungry and eating way too much and the exercise department is not good either.

So hence the "My own worst enemy" is definitely appropriate here...

WILL I EVER GET TO DOUBLE FIGURES ?????????

Comparison Photos

2007-09-25T15:43:00.000+10:00

May 2007

September 2007

4 Months Banded

2007-09-23T17:17:00.001+10:00

Weight loss: 14.8kg

Stats.

Chest: -10cm

Abdom: -8.5cm

Waist: -12.5cm

Tummy: -6cm

Hip: -13cm

Thigh: -8cm

Knee: -8cm

Ankle: -2.5cm

Upper Arm: -7cm

Neck: -4cm

------------------

Total : -79.5cm lost

I can't tell you how happy I am. This has already made a big impact on my life. I feel so much better and my kids are constantly telling me how great I look and how my belly isn't so big anymore. My Husband is thrilled and very proud of me and keeps talking about the future in terms of me being even thinner, and what he can't wait to see me wear when I am skinnier.

I am so glad I did this. 4 months on through all the drama and ups and downs, I definitely wouldn't change a thing. I love my band (Freddy).....

Tarn xxxx

It's Finally Moving

2007-09-19T22:55:00.000+10:00

Finally.....

Finally the weight is moving..... I can't believe it has taken this long to start to get the results I was expecting. I know I had lost some weight, and I was happy with ANY that I lost but I had 2 months there that I had no results at all.

I am now down to 101.4kg.... that is a weight loss of 14.4kg and half of that has been in the last 4-5weeks, I am stoked. My work clothes are getting really loose, my bras are seriously useless they are that loose and even my shoes are loose (go figure).

I'm Happy ... Happy ... Happy ...!!!

I am still pissed off with the inconsistency of the band (aka Freddy) and it's effect on my eating patterns. I either have GOOD days or BAD days, nothing in between. I am either eating and enjoying my soup, crackers, mince meals, porridge and what not..... or chucking every fucking thing down the shitter ...... whats with that. One day I feel like I have perfect restriction, the next is like my friggin stomach is zip-tied closed.

I had my first heartburn session (since banding) yesterday, I got up and felt like I could stomach some porridge, so cooked some up. Okay I correct myself here. I cooked a tiny piddly arsed amount of porridge up and sprinkled with brown sugar and proceeded to eat ...s l o w l y. Now a few weeks ago I ran out of brown sugar and couldn't buy any at Coles so started using a squirt of maple syrup instead. Oh My F God it tastes like heaven. Anyways found the sugar a few weeks later (but could only buy brand name not el-cheapo version) but still used the maple syrup till I ran out a few days ago, hence used said brown sugar. The CSR brand must be so much stronger that the no name because I had the worst heartburn ever....EVER (even counting pregnancy heartburn).

So Surprisingly enough I chucked (it's like a daily ritual these days) and the acid in my throat was horrendous. 2x Zantac and a Losec later (thank fuck I work in a chemist) It was still giving me curry. I was right as rain a few hours later, but god it was awful. Whilst it was burning I actually rang Dr Fill and made an appointment to have some fill taken out, 24 hrs later I have changed my mind....AGAIN.... I am going to stick it out and if the heartburn happens again I will have some out... if not, the weight loss stays

God this is hard, at least with Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig you could have the day off. Who said this was the cheaters version....LIARS !!!!!!!

Cheerio

Tarn xxx

Getting There

2007-09-11T22:28:00.000+10:00

It feels like ages since I posted....sorry guys.

I have been busy and just haven't felt like talking about my band. I, as you know have had a lot of restriction but still struggled to loose weight, so I decided to peace out and not think about it (other than when I am eating of course). So I stopped visiting Lapband Threads, fellow bandster's blogs, and stopped reading emails from my bandsters support group, and just acted like a "normal" person for a few weeks.

And guess what??????

It seems to have worked, in 3 weeks I have lost 4kg. By not concentrating on the band and defining myself as a bandster I was able to chill out and let it take it's natural course.

Now this is not to say I haven't missed the support, because I definitely have, but I think I was toooo focused on it. I have now been banded for 4 months and lost 13 kg, it doesn't sound nearly as impressive as some of you wonderful banded people out there, but I am more than happy. I decided a few weeks ago that this was a 2 year journey, and I WILL reach my goal weight, it may just take the whole 2 years but that's ok with me........

Photos will follow soon

Tarn xxx

Friday Ferals

2007-08-24T19:51:00.000+10:00

I'm not sure if I have told you about the people I work with......

I work in a small community pharmacy, in a very small shopping village. Saying that we are very busy, each day there is the pharmacist and 3 of us girls working, and we are NON STOP. I have worked in larger and posher pharmacies that have not been as busy or as productive as this one, but I definitely like this place better than any others I have worked.

The thing I like about where I work is that 95% of my customers I know by name, I know their mothers, fathers and their children and because of this there is a casual air about the place, formality isn't necessary and we joke and tease our customers and they love it. Mind you we get as much back as we give, but we also get morning tea bought for us by customers, we get homemade goodies (the best rock cakes in NSW), and even the odd birthday present.

The other thing I love is the people I work with. The owner/pharmacist is a great guy.... he is funny, eccentric, down to earth and very community minded. Loves to tease the hell out of us and is a full on greeny at heart. He walks to work every single day rain hail or shine, if you stop and ask if he wants a lift, its..." no way, I'm fine",he carries a green enviro bag and collects rubbish on the side of the road, just to make the place tidy, he recycles EVERYTHING, every piece of paper, every food scrap, every bottle. Almost everything we print at work (except repeat forms and accounts) is on recycled paper (meaning paper that has printing on the other side).... He is just a gem !!!!

There are about 6 of us girls and a few very casuals (both have worked at the pharmacy for more than 25 years, retired, but still can't let go, and get called in now and then to fill in...we love them) The whole team is great, we socialise together very often, and have an absolute ball at work most days. The best day is Friday, it's also our busiest day. Something seems to go a little crazy about 2pm on a Friday and we all turn feral. The connotations are always re sex, innuendos fly around like crazy and we have discussions that I can only imagine belong in male change rooms..... dirty young and old chicks that I work with.

Today's topic was my visit to the salon 2 weeks ago to get my first ever bald eagle, not a Brazilian, there is only one person I will get on my knees and poke my bare arse to and like fuck I am gonna give HIM a wax pot. So I went for the completely smooth hoha (as Reney calls it), I have had the bikini wax and tiny GT stripe done before, but never nicker free open legged hot waxed..... I went to work the next day telling the girls that I think my hubby is gay because he acted scared of it.....lucky for me it grew on him.

Anyways.... K who is 52 beautiful and a deviot asks today how my baldy is going and if Dave was liking it any better ( I know... we are depraved) and I tell her of my disappointment that it didn't stay smooth for longer. She starts laughing and calls it a hedgehog, coming in late to the conversation L (the pre-reg pharmacist) thinks we are taking about headjobs and proceeds to tell us that her friend calls them hedgehogs. This starts me in a fit of hysterical giggles, I have the other 3 girls and the boss looking at me as if I am a freak, so I have to tell them that maybe she had a speech impediment, hold my nose and say " I lub hedgehogs". Of course this gets the desired effect and the 5 of us are in hysterics, to the point of nearly wetting ourselves. Well the afternoon was a colourful one after that, every time we settled down, someone would say hedgehog.... and off we would go again.

This seems to be the norm for us on a Friday.... I have so many Friday stories I could go on forever..... another time maybe.

I just got a text message from C from work, she has a suggestion for our name at the up and coming local trivia night to support the Westpac rescue helicopter... quote... "Scott said lets call our table the hedgehogs at trivia night"..... don't ya just love office confidentiality....PPFFTT.

Bye from the feral......

Luv Tarn

I Am A Slack Blogger

2007-08-21T14:16:00.000+10:00

Well..... I can't help it....

I have been really slack at the moment, I think it has something to do with my energy levels. For 2 weeks I have had a cold/flu and have struggled to get over it. Just when I start to feel better it comes back and I am unwell for a couple of days. I am sick of coughing, sick of snot, and definitely sick of being tired.

As I have said before, I work in a pharmacy, and have done numerous vitamin training courses which are run by the vitamin companies. I am definitely not an expert, but I know a little bit... enough to keep my head above water.

Anyways... I am getting worried about my nutritional input as my restriction is pretty severe, and I am starting to get some side effects. I had the initial hair loss, which I put down to the anaesthetic but at the moment I am loosing handful upon handfuls of hair, to the point that I am getting worried that I will have any left. Then my cold/flu, and my energy levels.

I decided that I really needed some heavy duty advise on supplements, so took myself off to the health food shop. I explained my situation to the organic looking old bat behind the counter, who had a look on her face like I smelt of dog shit (which I didn't). She then with her nose turned up announces

"what a bizarre and extreme length to go to JUST to loose weight, do you know what you have done to your body? You have poisoned it for years to become obese, now you are mutilating it, no wonder your hairs falling out"

What the Fuck !!!!!!

I was soooooo angry. This tofu eating, kaftan wearing, grey haired ugly bitch had to be THE rudest person I have yet to encounter since being banded. I was stunned. She then whipped out a piece of paper and starts writing down what I SHOULD and SHOULDN'T be eating. Saying "Do you know we are the only animals on this earth that drinks milk after weaning..... that stops today!!!! No more meat... you get all your daily protein from the raw vege juices you will be drinking from now on........ You will drink nothing but vegetable juices and water"

I'm like..... whhhhoooooaaaaa.... "UUUMMM excuse me MISS. I am leaving. I did not have this done to take shit from someone like you" and turned on my heals and walked out. I can' t believe it. I went in there for advise and help. I would never treat my customers like that. I may not know as much as this woman does about vitamins , minerals and herbs but at least I am not a first class MOLE.

I walked out of that shop and went to another, and this time was smart enough to keep my FAT trap closed and asked for a tonic that would help with lack of nutrients that can cause hair loss and drained energy. The lady kindly handed me a "whole body tonic" and said to take 15mls each day and concentrate on getting more fruit and veg into my diet.....

I went home and opened my forty dollar bottle of energy and measured 15 mls and mixed with 15mls of unsweetened juice as per instructions. I put it near my mouth and dry retched the biggest dry retch in my life !!! It was FUCKING AWFUL.... I swallowed it and the fucker bounced on the bottom of my stomach and upchucked into the sink, in one motion. Ohmygod it was filthy, ferral, foul, crap, disgusting, vile. I tried it the next day, and the same happened, the third day it stayed down for 2 minutes, but I threw up for an extra 15 after the shit came back out. This morning I decided to give it one last chance, I decided to try it unmixed...shot like. NO WAY BABY was that crap going down my throat. It felt like it swung around my tonsils and sling shot out my mouth.... $40 well spent i would say !!!!!!! NOT

So now I am back on the Berocca and Olive leaf extract, and taking some Goji berries. That shit is going to be used to clean my drains I think........ Lord help the poor drains.

Ciao
Tarnya

Damn Scales

2007-08-13T22:15:00.000+10:00

I am FREAKING out.... I don't know what I weigh..... Me, the serial weigher, has had my addiction taken from me. The damn Aldi scales still haven't been fixed, I forgot to get the batteries last week. Every time I go out I think " I will find somewhere to weigh myself or get some new batteries" but I keep forgetting.

The reason I am little worried is that I had a bit of a party weekend. It was my boy's birthdays and we had a party with the relo's on Saturday and a kids party on Sunday and I was a piglet...

Let me explain..... I have 2 sons and at the moment they are both 9. There is 10 days short of 12 months between them. HHMMM Yes you are thinking I am a sex maniac, but really the true explanations is that I am stupid...crazy.....glutton for punishment....and yes maybe I should have just said no (but couldn't help it).

My oldest son was only 5 months old when I found out I was pregnant, and boy was it a surprise. I cried for 2 days after I found out, not because I didn't want another baby, I just didn't want one so soon. After the second day of being a big sooky la la I sucked it up and decided 13 months between children wasn't so bad. They would be buddies, Get it over and done with quickly, they would grow up together...it's not so bad....

Then my body betrayed me and I started having pre-eclampsia symptoms at 26 weeks and thanks to being hospitalized was able to stay pregnant until 30 weeks, so my 13 months age difference became 11 months.......... GREAT !!!

Any way Adam (My oldest) turns 10 on Wednesday, so we had a joint B'Day party for them on Sunday out on a friends 5 acre block. We took the motorbikes out and the BBq and heaps of junk food and about 15 kids and their parents and had wonderful day. I couldn't eat the sausages or the bread rolls and ended up just have some pasta salad and coleslaw, but also managed to taste test the CC's, chips, dip, Camembert, smarties, and all the other goodies I have not kept in my house for a long time (never said I had willpower....)

Tomorrow I WILL buy batteries, just for my own piece of mind if anything. It's funny how you just expect the worst. I am totally sure I only ate a fraction of what I would have eaten pre-banding, but I suffer the guilt thing (and I am not even catholic).

cheers Tarn..xxx

p.s I did get lots of compliments on the day... so I was very happy about that.

Here are my boys doing what they love best !!!!!

Love you Addy and Cam xxxxxx

No Rest For The Wicked

2007-08-09T15:10:00.000+10:00

Isn't it amazing..... We study Nature and Nurture at school and Uni and they give you fantastic arguments from both sides as to the differences in humans and weather our environment or instinct create the way we behave.

I believe that they should just throw away pavlov's dog theory and all the study done on twins, gays and what not and just study MEN !!!! Now I am absolutely sure that each and every mother in the world did not read a handbook on raising men, so they can't blame the mothers for the behavior (ruling out nurture as an argument).

I work in a pharmacy 4 days a week and whenever a wife comes in to get medicine for a sick husband, you can see the pain written across their face. You just instinctively know that this poor woman has just spent the last 12-24 hours being TORTURED by her (supposedly) sick husband. The one that's at home laying on the lounge rugged and tucked up with 4 blankets, 2 boxes of tissues and a fresh cup of Lemsip every hour. The croaky voiced "Daaaaarrrl can you bring me a coffee".... "Daaarrrrl I need a panadol"..."Daaarrrrl I can't reach the remote"...

You can just hear it can't you.... and you know why???? Because they are all instinctively (argument for nature) like it. It's exactly what your husband or boyfriend sounded like last time they were sick. And you know where I am heading with this don't you.....

Yes... You guest it...... my poor little possum is sick. My shed habituating, sympathy retarded, emotional inept husband has the flu............ and god bless his little cotton socks I think its made his arms fall off, cause all of a sudden he can't find the panadol, doesn't know what tablets to take, and generally needs assistance to do everything. "Daaarrrlll I need a cuddle, but can you bring the medicine over with you when you come" ... whats with that !!!! When I was sick he wouldn't come near me, because he didn't want to bloody catch it. Now he says that I have already had it, so I can at least give him a cuddle.

I used to think my mother was a cranky heartless wingeing old mole when my Dad was sick. She used to put on this fake smile and take him his medicine, tissues, hot soup or whatever he was skwarking for and as she walked away her face would drop and a mouthful of obscenities would flow out about "what a miserable, lazy, selfish, hypochondriac, bastard, prick, nobody gives a shit when IIIIII'm sick , Somebody has to cook the dinner, somebody still has to wash the clothes, etc,etc"

God I know how she feels............. sorry Mum for all the times I thought you were heartless.

It reminds me of way back when I was 23, David(hubby) and I both needed our wisdom teeth out, we both went to the Dentist and maxofacial (sp?) surgeon together and decided to try and cut a deal to have them done together to save money , well that's what I told Dave. The real reason was that I knew that no matter how bad my reaction was to surgery, how much swelling or bruising I had, he would not give me an ounce of sympathy and tell me his was worse when he had his done.

So off we go and check into hospital, he was first on the surgery list and I was fourth. All went well and when I eventually woke up Dave was still out for the count and when he came too (with me sitting by his side like a diligent wife) he was really sick and vomited all over himself, the floor, the bed, the bathroom and had to be drugged up big time. The poor thing (loosely said) slept the whole time he was in hospital and guess who came home and looked after said poor thing... MMMMEEEEE !!!!!

Men............. You gotta love them..... otherwise its 25-30years for murder

over & out !!

From Patient to Nurse

2007-08-08T11:53:00.000+10:00

My two cheeky monkeys

Now my poor babies are sick...... I woke up this morning feeling 80% better than death, still got snot, sore throat and sneezing like a mother, but the aches and pains have subsided. I awoke to find my 2 beautiful boys cuddled up to me in bed, which never happens as my bed is my husbands and my domain... no kids allowed. But the poor little things looked soooooo sick I had to feel sorry for them. One had a head ache and the other couldn't talk, but I managed to get out of them that daddy put them in there before he went to work.

So yet again I am not at work, instead looking after my little cherubs (today they are beautiful, cherubby, adorable and sweet..... in a couple of days the ferrals will be back !!!) After lining them up and dosing them up with drugs I packed them up on the lounge with pillows, blankets, tissues and Foxtell and told them to wait out the sickness. Amazingly enough I haven't heard a peep out of them, ones dozing and the other has eyes only for Foxtell. When they can sit for more than 2 min and actually be quiet (except for the hacking and coughing) you know they are ill.

On the food front, I managed over the last couple of days to really concentrate on eating better things. I had chicken, mash potato and mashed pumpkin and veges for dinner last night and nachos and curried veges over the weekend. I really have missed eating proper food, albeit very small amounts, no doubt the cold I have is an indication of the lack of nutrients in my diet, so a bit wake up call I would say.

My damn scaled are giving me the shits....... My mum bought them for me for my birthday (it's What I asked for) they were on special at Aldi for $49 and they do everything other than loose the bloody weight for you. Height, weight, BMI, hydration, Fat count, calorie count... Well tomorrow is my 3 months banderversary and I really wanted to do my weight, measurements and photos and the frigging things have gone on the blink.

I know it's only the batteries but...Jesus... I have had them for 3 months and this is the 3rd set of batteries I have put in the prick.... and of course they aren't the AA or AAA batteries that you pick up at Cole's, they are 2x those little disc ones about the size of a 20cent piece that cost about $4 each. I know you guys are saying ...well you got the shitty thing from Aldi... what do you expect..... I know....I know.. but I had just spent 4 grand on an Op, who has the money for the $200 jobs..... not this little black duck.

When I eventually go back to work (fingers crossed tomorrow) I will get some new batteries and do my 3 month stats. I don't feel like I have lost any more weight, but I am starting to get some compliments and strangely enough from the husbands in our circle of friends... not the wives. Funny that, we women are the biggest critics of each other aren't we? These wives are all skinny bitches that have never had a fat day in their lives. Included in this crowd is my so-called friend that just before I was banded made a comment one night when we went out on a girls night out, that "everybody needs a fat friend to make them look good"......

I was soooo upset. I was the only girl there that wasn't dressed in a size 8-10, so I wonder whom she was referring to ???????

Revenge is sweet though..... I was asked a few weeks ago to comment on an outfit of hers that her husband and daughter weren't too keen on. She was going somewhere special and needed another opinion because she wasn't feeling confident about it. So I told her "It's great, I loved it, You MUST wear it"....... my bad !!!!

Ok that was the drugs talking. I should go now.....

The Dreaded Lurgie

2007-08-07T14:36:00.000+10:00

I woke up Sunday morning and my throat was burning my eyes were itchy and my ears were aching. That's wasn't a good sign. As soon as my ears start to ache I know I am in for something. All day long I persevered with it and tried to do the positive thinking thing and will myself better. So Sunday night I decided to try an ear candle...." A what !!!" I hear you ask, well it looks just like a candle and it's supposed to draw all the muck/wax out of your ear. So I was hoping that by using the ear candle all the wax would be gone and I would feel better . Thinking maybe it's not a cold, just my ears.

WRONG........

After I laid there for 15 minutes each ear looking like a freaking birthday cake, with my 2 boys having kittens over the idea of the candle setting my hair on fire. I then proceeded to pull the candle apart and inspect all the goop that came out of my ears and got trapped in the candle (EEEWWWW very bad). .

I went off to bed saying to myself "Alls good, you'll wake up tomorrow all better".

WRONG AGAIN....

I woke up yesterday morning feeling like hell warmed up. I had snot, I had fever, I had swollen glands, eyes were running and my fucking ears were still sore.... NOT HAPPY !!!

My hubby had the day off work, so I let him look after me (what a joke) I laid on the lounge dying and he stayed in his freaking shed the whole day, the few times he poked his head in he said "You right Chook?" and before I could answer "AAAAHHHH I'm dying I need a hug , can you make me a cuppa and get me some drugs". He had gone again.

Why do men hate giving sympathy. If I am crying, hurt, sick, sore neck or god help me pre menstrual... my husband becomes a sympathy retard.... gets this horrified scared look on his face and looks like rigor mortis has set in, trying to get a hug off him is like hugging a power fucking pole. why does this sort of shit scare them so much.?

Now don't get me wrong, He is cuddly, and smoochy and all that but if its empathy I am after then he is OUT OF HERE.....

Anyways.... I went to bed at 8 last night and slept til 8 this morning and still feel like crap. If I could just stop the nose from running, so I don't have to wipe my raw skinless nose with the aloe vera sandpaper (I mean tissues) I would be fine. I went off to work but I only lasted 3 hours and I left after a few casual requests from the girls I work with, seems they didn't feel like watching me dying either....

Sorry for the windge guys......

Au Revoir.............

Am I Doing the Right Thing !!!

2007-07-31T09:53:00.000+10:00

Here's the problem......

I am restricted...right...... but I am feeling like I can't eat the right things. I made my husband a beautiful salad the night before last. I am talking cos lettuce, rocket, baby spinach, cherry tomatoes, capsicum, carrot, spring onions, snow peas, cashews, feta, the works, and MAN my mouth was watering.... I LOVE SALAD, summer, winter, rain snow...I love it and could eat it everyday, but every time I have tried in the last 2 weeks I have had a problem with it. Lettuce is just a no-go and carrot..well don't even think about it. I can't eat meat except for really moist BBQ chicken (and then only sometimes) I can't even eat a sausage.

This has been okay for the first week or so since becoming really restricted, but now I am finding the food choices limited and boring. I am craving real food, healthy food, substantial food. I am not hungry in the least, I just want something decent.

Saturday morning I decided to have a piece of toast, just one, and it took me friggin 20 min to eat the sucker, and just as I swallowed the last teeny weeny bite I got that pain. I was in agony and had to throw up, but because the toast was dry the bastard of a thing hurt more coming up than it did going down. After 15 min of moaning and groaning in the bathroom I went off to soccer with my son Cameron and an hour later tried to have a cup of tea but even that hurt going down. Everything I tried for the rest of the day bloody hurt like crazy and came back up. I ended up sleeping for 2 hours in the middle of the day because I was so exhausted.

Am I doing the right thing?...... Should I go back and get some out?...... Should I stick it out and be more sensible?.......

The dietitian doesn't want me on a diet ..... she wants me to eat well and less quantity. But with even half a ml less I am hungry.....

What should I do people.....and be nice please.

ciao !!

Beauty Through Coke Bottle Glasses

2007-07-29T21:51:00.000+10:00

Isn't it funny (not) that we looked in the mirror everyday and we chose not to see those things like the bloated chest and abdomen, the big cheeks and the triple chins. Our eyes play terrible tricks on us as a survival tactic I think. I took those before and during photos and until I put them next to each other I didn't realise that the few kg I have lost had made such a difference to my face.

I used to say to anybody that commented on my weight or size "Do you think I am blind, I DO look in the mirror everyday you know, I am aware that I am overweight"... but I have to say now...looking at the before pics that just maybe I was blind, cause god they are bad !!!!!

It's like when you pick up pictures of yourself wearing one of your favourite outfits,... and hey..I.. thought I looked good in it at the time, and others said I looked good..... and then you see the frickin photos and think ...... what the f*$k was I thinking, I look like a fat F&#king whale, and my friends LET me go out in it. But you also looked in the mirror and thought it looked ok, so you are just as bad.

Hence the survival tactic comment. Imagine if we saw in the mirror the image we see in the pics afterwards...... none of us would ever leave the fucking house, we would be fat, unhappy, poorly dressed agoraphobics. We wouldn't be game enough to leave our house. Well the guys would be happy... they wouldn't have to wade thought the fat ugly desperadoes at the clubs cause only the hotties would go out.

I don't know how many time I have asked my hubby "how does this look, do I look alright?" and I instantly see the terror in his eyes, he is shitting bricks thinking "what the fuck am I supposed to say, this could mean no sex for a week".... "sure darl you look great".... yeah great my arse!! when you see the photos later

Although Dave (hubby) god bless his little cotton socks is one to give me his opinion if I happen to wear floral or patterned clothes. Doesn't matter that it's the fashion, or that maybe (maybe not too)that it looks ok. If its got flowers or geometrical shapes on it he has a look on his face like he has just eaten dog shit. But anything else you ask his opinion on he squirms like you've thrown bull ants down his jocks .... hehehe..."I refuse to comment on the grounds that it may lead to me being stung up by my ball sack without sex for the rest of my life"

I just want to thank you lovely gals (Erin, Reney, Beth, Jules,) for your comments on my before and after photos, I love having you visit and leave comments, it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this scary, crazy journey.

cheers !!!!

Another 2kg Loss = 20cm Loss

2007-07-25T22:02:00.000+10:00

Measurements

July

Height: same

Weight: -3kg

Chest: -2cm

Abdom: -3cm

Waist: -4cm

Tummy: -3cm

Hips: -2cm

Thigh: -3.5cm

Knee: same

Ankle: -0.5cm

Up Arm: -1cm

Neck: -1cm

__________

Total: -20cm

8kg loss = 43cm loss

I find this really hard to understand. How can I have lost mass (and it is starting to show in my clothes), yet in 2 1/2 months I have lossed 8kg and 5kg were in the first 10 days.

My work skirt is starting to get looser and my work shirt actually looks like it fits me now, and not like I had been been vacuum packed like one of those space saver bags. It made for interesting comments and looks from the old perves at work I can tell you.

These photos are

Left - pre-op Right - 2months post-op (down 8kg)

God I hate photos !!!!!!!!

4th Fill - Are We There Yet !!!

2007-07-23T21:27:00.000+10:00

I went to see "Dr Fill" on Tuesday after seeing the dietitian of course, who amazingly enough talked about the bloody D word...can you believe it... I actually got some facts from her and not an update on her snot problem (wonders will never cease).

Anyways Dr Fill agreed with me that I only wanted to try another 0.5mls as I thought I was getting fairly close to restriction/sweet spot. May I just say here that prior to Tuesday my husband has been the only person close to My sweet spot in a long time.......ok I had to say that lol.

I have a few friends in the banded community who have asked me if I felt the tightening immediately after the fill, and until now thought perhaps I was a dud, but I definitely felt the tightness this time, and when I went and had a cup of water afterwards I felt the change instantly. I went home that night and could very well have not eaten dinner... I just wasn't hungry, but had some soup. I did 24 hrs of liquids and mushies and when I started on solids, I have to say I was struggling a little and have at last slowed my eating down. It was the one thing that I was concerned about, how fast I was eating and the quantity and HEY PRESTO I think I found the answer. I have had a few PB's and vomited a little with some of the textures, but all is good. I really and truly hope this is how it stays.....YYEAAAHHH RESTRICTION !!!!!

I went out to dinner on Saturday night with close friends who don't know I have a band, I was really worried as I was still getting used to my restriction and didn't want to have a booboo, I ordered some pasta (no frickin soup of course) and MAN I so struggled. I forced 3 mouthfuls and then had to continue pretending to eat so as to not look out of place. I must have been terribly obvious because I was being watched closely(and truly I am not paranoid.. pffft yeah right!!). Apparently when I went to the toilet (Yes...ok ...to PB... happy !!) one of the girls said to the only friend that knew "Gee it's unlike Tarnya to not finish her meal... whats up there !!!" (cow) Thankfully Renae said we pigged out on bickies and dip before we got there. Some friends are worth their weight in gold (and she's definitely not a fatty)

I am a member of a group in my local area (central coast bandsters) I have gone to a few of the lunches and coffee evenings in the past few months, and they seem really nice. One of the girls I have met is Trish and from the first time I met her I liked her instantly. She is fun, friendly, close to my age, married and has kids and a weight problem of course, so I feel we have a lot in common. Its been great to have a confidant, someone in the know who is there to listen, we seem to have has similar struggles and enjoy bouncing out woes out on each other. We have been getting together regularly and talk and text each other each week, I feel like I have known her FOREVER. She has done soooooo well, she was banded on 1st March 2007 and to date has lost nearly 30kg. I am mentioning this because she is a sweetheart, and doing so well and want to congratulate her.

Trish you are a legend

I just wanted to add that I am very proud of you and you should be too.

The first pic was taken on xmas day and the next one was this week.

Good on you girl 6 months and you look great !!! her blog is

http://fattypatty-fattypatty.blogspot.com/

Note to oneself....... post the bloody pics and measurements of you that you promised 2 weeks ago already !!!

That's All Folks !!

Girls Night Out.... 1st Attempt at Alcohol

2007-07-16T22:33:00.000+10:00

It's been 3 weeks since my last fill and in the last couple of days my restriction has disappeared. Don't get me wrong I still have trouble eating things but my quantities have increased again and some textures are back on the menu. I have only lost another kg and feeling annoyed about the whole process still.

My hubby actually said a few days ago "Well that seems like another waste of money, it doesn't seem to be working !!" He has been really supportive and encouraging when I have felt down about the NONprogress, but even he is getting frustrated at the fact that I haven't lost weight.

Now I know you are going to think the reason for this is because of my next story, but it's been my first alcohol intake for 2 1/2 months.

I went on a girls weekend away to the Bay on Saturday with some girls from work. I was a little nervous because I was going to have alcohol for the first time and eat in public.... but I really felt I needed the time away. We stayed at one of the girls' unit and started about 3.30pm on the 3rd floor balcony overlooking the water drinking wine, it was great. We laughed, ate, told jokes and secrets and at one stage had a boob flashing session after the topic of breast feeding and saggy boobs came up. We then progressed to Frozen Margaritas and walked (stumbled)to the RSL for dinner about 6pm.

At dinner I had one quick trip to the loo after I didn't chew enough, but a small BP and I was okay... back to drinking. We then danced ourselves silly till 12.30am and had a fantastic time. I didn't realise how much I have missed the whole social part of things....oh except for trying to be picked up by 60 year old men. Why am I so attractive to the old farts. Do I remind them of Michelangelo's fat ladies or something. I swear even at work they love me. Why can't it be the hot surfie Guy...Just once (BTW I am married but hey you can look ..and dance)

The Next morning we were up and about pretty early and went to a place called Corona's for brekky. My head was saying "GREASE...give me GREASE" so I ordered the big breakfast (ppfftt isn't that precious ... and rather hopeful). I swear except for the band I would have woofed that plate of eggs, bacon, sausage,hash brown, mushrooms, tomatoes and toast down like it was water, I needed it that much. Instead I sat with it in front of me while I drank some of my tea and then started to pick VERY slowly. I ate about a 5th of it, and enjoyed only a few small mouthfuls of each thing. I can't tell you how hard it was to leave that much on my plate. I felt cheated....we are talkin bacon and eggs people..... that's wrong..hehehe.

One of the girls threw up all night and passed on the brekky invo, when we got back to the unit and packed up we finally woke her up and I ended up driving her car home for her (thankfully I had been a passenger on the way up). The poor thing had her head in a bucket the whole hour trip home.... made for great conversation.(at least it wasn't me).

I came home and slept all afternoon yesterday and moaned I'm never gonna do that again.... (ppfftt yeah right) and when I got on the scales this morning expected it to go up 10kg ( kidding) and was 0.3kg lighter I was somewhat relieved. Thankfully I must have danced the calories off.

I am off for my 4th fill tomorrow. I am only going to ask for another 0.5ml just to be safe. That will make 7mls in a 10ml band... this better be it or I might have to go up on charges for murdering my fill Dr...aka Dr Fill.

Wish me luck possums....

To All The Fat Bottomed Girls Out There

2007-07-05T21:23:00.000+10:00

OMG this restriction business is strange (sorry to harp on about it) but now its finally here it seems the focus of my day. My soon to be bandit buddy Erin (mmwahh sweety) sent me a beautiful message telling me "chin up" and lots of other encouraging words that made me feel much better. She was worried that I had the bandit blues, but it's not that ... I am just pissed at myself for being daft, feeling guilty and in todays case hurting for making the wrong food choices.

Its like the feeling you have when you've had a video night at home by yourself and you eat pizza, chips and back it up with a block of chocy all because noone is there watching you and you CAN do it. Then after the last mouthful is in and you go.....holey shit what have I just eaten... wish I hadn't done that !!!

Thats what I have been feeling like. But I suppose its a process and I just have to get used to what I can and can't eat.... and you are right Erin , this is why we got banded, to have that little person (band) sitting on your shoulder (tummy) saying "what the fuck are you doing...don't eat that !!!!".... and boy is he there.

Actually that gives me an idea, I should name him.... yes him ...of course its a male who else would monitor my food, force me to loose weight, (eventually) make me sexy and ruin the eating and drinking fun....A MALE.....hahaha i've got it.... how about FREDDY....

Freddy..... The Food Police
Freddy......The Fun-buster
Freddy...... The Fat Blaster
Freddy..... The Flab Killer
and lastly
Freddy.... The (Fuck you look good.... have you been on a diet ) Tool!!!

hehehehehe.... I love it.... I am now singing Queens "Fat bottomed Girls " as a tribite from one Freddy to another..... and GOD I love both of my Freddy's.

and remember

FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS YOU MAKE THIS ROCKIN WORLD GO ROUND !!!!!!!!!

Sweet Spot....Or is it?

2007-07-05T13:35:00.000+10:00

Why is everything a battle?..... why am I never happy?

AAAARRRGGHHH it's like trying to answer the million dollar question !!!! I am at my sweet spot... I am sure of it (as sure as any bandster who doesn't know a damn thing about this whole saga is)

I have reached the spot where I can not eat a great deal, but my damn head keeps trying to have a crack at it. I am having porridge in the mornings and that's going down fine, I tried the cornflakes with hot milk but struggled, so I am happy with porridge. Believe it or not I can eat crackers, such as salada's, cruskets, corn thins, jatz, so I have been having these for lunch with light Philly and a can of salmon and OH MY GOD it is yummy. Dinner has been lean cuisines each night , mostly pastas.

Now the crappy bits..... i tried toast.....OUT..... I tried crumbed chicken...OUT..... 1/2 crispy creme donut...DEFINITELY OUT.... so that in mind you would have to think I have a fair idea that anything with pastry is a NO-GO...right....... wrong !!!! Today took the kids to the shops and for lunch bought them a pie and a cake from my fav bakery. You guessed it, Took a crack at a pie, thinking it would be ok if I chewed chewed and bloody chewed. I was SOOOOO wrong, 2 bites in and I started the clearing of the throat kinda cough and then the pain struck..... OMG it was horrid, the kids started to freak and my oh-so-cool 10year old son said "Mum if your gunna spew can you like.. find a toilet!!!" now I'm not so sure if he was worried over me or embarrassed that I was going to let loose in the cafeteria. Boy did I suffer all the way home. I had to stop every 1/2km and throw up out the door and by the time I got home I was exhausted.

Begs the question.... why did I think I could eat a pie when toast is just not on?.... I felt like a complete moron having to throw up at the shopping centre, and all the way home the kids were so worried. Cam.. my youngest asked me if this is what it was going to be like all the time and I felt really bad. I did this to become a good role model to them , not a bulimic one that throws up because I am too stupid to make the right food choices.

Saying that, I feel like I am going through a grieving process over food. In the beginning I was in the head space to deal with being denied certain foods, and I thought that I would deal with all that in the first few weeks after banding. But since I have been eating normally basically from week 2, I think my head had decided this was how it was going to be and hey I can eat ANYTHING... how wrong that is.

I am now having to take cues from the stomach and hope my damn head catches on soon, cause I don't want to keep this up, even if I have lost 2kg in 6 days. I would like to think its because I am doing the right thing, alas... its cause I am a dumbass....

Will do measurements and photos tonight...... I am 2 months banded on the 9th.....

Houston.... We Have Restriction......!!!!!

2007-07-03T22:37:00.000+10:00

I have been a total slack arse, 2 weeks and no entries. Its not that I didn't want to, I have just been trying not to be obsessed with the computer... oh and I work too much I feel.

Well I went back on the 19th June and had my 2nd fill, Dr Tony added another ml to my already ineffective 5 mls, and I left feeling quiet confident that this was going to make a big difference....
....... WRONG !!!!!............. nothing, zilch, zip... I could still eat anything and although I wasn't starving, I was still hungry and eating too much (I felt). I was having a little restriction in the mornings and I had on a couple of occasions felt I hadn't chewed enough and I definitely can't eat bread and chicken was a hit or miss kinda thing, so I knew I was getting close to restriction.... BUT...My weight loss was pathetic and in actual fact I gained weight in the week between 1st and 2nd fill.... not happy Jan !!!

Last Friday I had another appointment booked with the dietitian and Dr Fill (heheh Tony). Firstly I went in to see the sinus infected, diet coke lecturing, off the general topic Dietitian with a plan not to pay good money to hear her complain about snot and water damage from the floods. I laid it on the line and told her I wasn't happy with my progress and felt I needed direction... a diet of sorts. Of course then I got the "This is not supposed to be a diet but a lifestyle change blah blah blah....." so I replied with "look... I didn't pay $4000 to put on weight I could have done that at Burger King for 100 bucks and a full belly"...ok...I didn't really say that ... but I wanted to.

I told her that while I was struggling I needed a plan (notice I didn't call it a f%#&ing diet... why do dietitians hate that word...it is exactly that..A DIET!!!!) Did she have a diabetic diet plan that perhaps I could follow?.. ok that out of the way and now feeling she actually earned the money that was paid to her I ventured into Dr Fill.

Tony was happy to give me another fill, I told him what I could and couldn't eat, and we both decided that 1/2ml was the best option, slowly...slowly... I didn't want to make an emergency call to him on the weekend to have some removed. I went out into the waiting room and drank the water easily and thought that perhaps I should have asked for a whole ml ...but hey too late now.

That night I struggled to eat some soup, Saturday for lunch I had some fried rice and threw it up, couldn't eat my porridge on Sunday morning and have basically been eating mushies since. I have wanted this restriction with a passion now for 7 weeks and when I finally got it I was in SHOCK.. I can't believe how restricted I am. I have to consciously remind myself to chew chew chew every bite... and I mean chew it to a pulp or else I have a problem and have to throw up. I can drink fine and eat pretty well if I chew and I am hoping that it will ease slightly in the next week, but I am very happy to finally have restriction...

On the bright side the scales are moving ..... and in the right direction this time. I will keep you posted on that part, I don't want to get too excited just yet !!!

Think Skinny.... Think Skinny !!!!!!

Newcastle's Wild June Long Weekend

2007-06-16T20:29:00.000+10:00

My boys at Nobby's Beach looking at the Pasha Bulker

I have had heaps of emails and enquiries as to how I survived the wild storms and floods that hit the Newcastle/Hunter regions on the Queens Birthday Long Weekend. I thought I would do a blog entry and add some photos to give you an idea of the effect the natural disaster had on the area.
The amount of rain was horrendous, it torrential rained for 36 hrs and I mean it did not let up once, the drains and waterways had absolutely no way of dealing with the deluge of water that fell from the sky. The power went out at about 10.30am of Friday morning and we were blacked out until Monday lunch time. I was lucky enough not to get any damage to our house or property other than the pool looking like a dirty old billabong but here are some photos that were taken in the area.

My New Family Addition

2007-06-16T19:50:00.000+10:00

Settle on... I don't mean a baby

Well theoretically he is a baby, he is 12 weeks old and the cutest little thing you've ever seen. My new pup, a red cattle dog called Rusty. He looks like a little kangaroo with those ears sticking up. The boys adore him and he has made himself at home straight away. (meaning left a deposit on the floor for you guest it... his mama to clean up) He has taken to our other dog Bindii (5 year old blue cattle dog) straight away.

Back to the band. I was saying how my Dr & Dietitian wouldn't allow me to have a fill until I got to 6 weeks post op, through the week I had had enough, I didn't feel like I had even been banded, my portion size was growing and my willpower was waning. This was getting me down and making me go back to the old emotional eating habit... and I wasn't happy. So I called the surgery and spoke to Shandelle the receptionist and had a whinge and asked if I could insist on having one early. She said that there was no reason that I couldn't have a fill, I have paid all this money and I know my body better than anyone. So she made me an appointment for the following Wednesday... I was stoked.

Wednesday arrived and I went to my dietitian appointment, where she spent the 20 min telling me about the damage she sustained in the huge storms and flooding we had, so I left her with a receipt, a weight and very little other info (not happy). Then I was went straight into see Dr Tony (the fills Dr) it was the first time I had met him, and he was lovely. He asked how it was all going, what textured food I was eating, and how hungry was I getting. Answers... feel fine... can eat everything except hadn't tried steak, and hell yes I was hungry...

He popped me up on the bed and started poking around for the port. I wasn't nervous, and felt pretty happy about the needle thing and all...... until...... he says, (whilst prodding) "So do you think that is the port.... or this". My eyes opened so far I swear you could see them from the moon and my mouth dropped open and I said with a VERY shaky voice "WHAT ! Can't you tell, how would I know, I thought you would?". He then laughed and said of course he can, he was just testing me and swiftly rubbed the alcohol swab on and stuck the needle in.

It only felt like a tiny pinch and he said he was going to draw out to see if there was liquid there before putting any back in. We were both shocked to find out I already had 4 mls in the band (and I had NO restriction) so we agreed to have 1ml extra put in. So I now have 5mls in a AP Small 10ml Band.

All up it was an ok experience, It definitely didn't hurt, him prodding my tummy was more uncomfortable than the fill itself. I then went onto liquids for 24hrs and mushies for 24 hrs and back to eating solids again. I didn't feel I was restricted at all until I tried to have a piece of chicken and the following day a piece of toast. I must not have chewed enough, cause I got that damn (heart attack like) pain in the chest and had to suffer through it.

Chew, Chew, Chew Tarnya.......................

Since then I do feel like I need another fill, I still need more restriction and I haven't lost any DAMN weight.... it's so frustrating !!!!

4 Weeks Post-op - 1st B.P

2007-06-04T22:28:00.000+10:00

I need a fill !!!!!!

I thought i would get that out of the was before I started so I won't harp on about it...

Well, the weight- loss or should I say weight- stay has been pretty consistent over the last 3 weeks....... 0.... nil......zero....zip.....nudda... nothing. but hey, at least I am consistent and it ain't going upwards. So I am still 5kg down and I am glad of that at least, it just seems unfair that 5kg were gone in the first week and the nothing from then..... All in good time.

I had my first bad experience with food on Friday, I had a slimeing and BP episode.... and it was aaaaawful. I picked up some Chinese for the family on the way home from work on Friday night (that's our takeaway night) some fried rice, omelet and a beef dish, served myself 2 spoons of rice and some omelet and ate it and all was good. I then in my infinite wisdom thought I have a crack at a piece of meat from one of the kids plates , it did look yummy and one piece wouldn't kill me... right ?...... WRONG !!!!

I no sooner swallowed it and felt it stick and it started to hurt, not alot... but enough. I started to do this clearing the throat type of cough.... then trying to burp.... nothing. So I thought i would wash it down with water, but the band was not gonna give it just made it worse. I could feel something starting to ooze back into my mouth. I went to the toilet and lent over the bowl and I had this ooze coming back up from my stomach (sorry gross I know) It wasn't a vomit, it had no force behind it......... This must be slimeing or sliming. It was nauseating I kept trying to burp, but nothing was happening, and if I contracted my stomach the ooze would project like a vomit. At this stage my husband was starting to have kittens, he had followed me to the bathroom and was really worried, he could see me struggling ( he was about to break out the heinleicht manoeuvre at any moment)

Finally after a few minutes of this, I burped and it was a productive burp (BP) which released the meat or the rice or whatever was causing the blockage, and GOD it felt better. I had really started to get a bit panicky and was relieved that it was over. I am really surprised how taxing it was on me thought, I felt exhausted afterwards and flopped on the lounge like I had just run a marathon.

Lesson learned------ Chew chew chew------ Slowly Slowly.

I really am not looking forward to that happening again

OH and did I mention I need a fill......LOL

Zero Kgs = 23 cms Loss

2007-05-28T22:38:00.000+10:00

Well as I have just explained my weigh in today was a non event, I hadn't lost any weight in 2 weeks, and the dietitian suggested I do a measure which I intended to do at the 4 week make but needed a boost so did it tonight... the results are in and are as follows.

Height: same...go figure lol
Weight: -5kg
Chest: same... whoo hoo
Abdom: same....bugger
Waist: -4cm
Tummy: -5cm
Hips: -2cm
Thigh: -4cm
Knee: -4.5cm
Ankle: -0.5cm.... goodbye cankles
Up Arm: -2cm
Neck: -1cm... strange but true
_______________
Total: -23cm

That peoples is my 3 weeks achievement, and I have to say I am happy with that.

Tomorrow I start Curves and I hope to double that in 3 weeks time..... That is my 6 week (post-op) challenge ,to see if I can get that to say.

6 weeks = 8kg = 46cm

Fingers crossed !!!!

3 weeks Post-op and my Dietitan is a party Pooper

2007-05-28T18:52:00.000+10:00

Today was my 2nd post-op appoinment with the dietitian. After 15 min of her talking about her sinus infection and allergy we started to get onto the subject I was there about..... ME. She then started a lecture on the cons of drinking Diet coke and other fizzy drinks while having the band , I tried to tell her that not a drop had passed my lips in 3 weeks, but she seemed on a roll so I grinned and beared it.

Finally she asks all the routine "what have you been eating" , "how where the mushies going" , "Am I counting my calories" , " Have I introduced different textures". I told her all the good things I had been doing and then the naughty things like the sausage, fillet-o-fish, and salt & vinegar chips while I was supposed to be on mushies. She was ok about it and said that this is going to be a "non diet" for life and if I want to suceed I should be able to have a few naughty things but just make it rarely and very small portions (Ithink she has dealt with fat people before..LOL).

I then went and got weighed and was the same weight as before, she must have noticed my disapointment and reassured me that the hunger I was feeling through the last week was definately fat burning hunger and that I should go home and do my measurements.

When we were discussing my hunger, and that I felt I needed more restriction, she said that they (her , surgeon & fills Dr) really beleive that the 6 weeks initial healing period is about identifying hunger, learning to chew, dealing with textures. She said that in their experience patients that are filled early have a higher risk of vomitting and irritating the stomach and band, causing displacement, and that they really use this 6 weeks period as an adjustment & healing period, not a weight loss period.

I found this frustrating and a little disheartening, but I had coffee with Trish my banded friend I met through a local support group and we decided that 6 weeks is a small price to pay for a band that hasn't slipped..... (Thanks Trish you are a sweety & my banded lifeline... mmmwwah!!)
So now I go back in 3 weeks for another appointment with ddietitian and then I get to see Dr Tony for a fill.....YYYYAAAAAAHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!

Bring it OOOOON......

26th May- 2 weeks post-op

2007-05-26T20:33:00.000+10:00

I can't beleive how fast this time as gone, I have been fluffing around at home like Lady Muck for the last 2 weeks, and instead of the time being productive I have been very leisurely. I read a couple of books, visited a few friends, attended a few school things (education week and so forth) and basically rested. All in all it's been great.

On Wednesday which was exactly 2 weeks post-op i went back to work..... suprise suprise it was still the same, but nice to get back to the girls. Only 2of the girls know what sort of op I had, and when it came time for morning tea one of the untold calls out "i'm getting m/tea who wants some" A few eyebrows raised when I said no thanks. Typical nobody would think it was strange if the skinny ones said no, but when the fatty does... ok...ok.. maybe that has something to do with the fact that I never say no...... anyway the point of this story was to tell you that I didn't feel deprived or resentful at not eating (which I have in the past when on a diet) and I was satisfied with my tea untill lunch. Mind you by lunch I was starving and was near ready to eat the packet that the soup came in, and by dinner I was famished.

I found it better on Thursday, I wasn't anywhere near as hungry between meals, so I am hoping I can break the graizing cycle I had going while I was at home healing. That was another reason I was glad to go back to work (aren't I clever I have found 2 reasons for work) I found that because I was starting to feel the hunger quickly I was always looking for food, and at home its all to easy to eat and eat (graize).

I have been on mushies for a week today, I have been having scrambled eggs, porridge, fetticini cabonara, macoroni & cheese, home made fried rice, curry chicken & rice, and tonight I cooked some finely chopped bacon mushrooms and cherry tomatoes and waited till the tomatoes had formed juice on bottom of pan and had it on toast. I made the toast really soggy and it was DEVINE....now for the bad stuff, I have sucked a packet of salt & vinegar chips, and eaten a sausage, and the guts of a fillet-o-fish at Macca's..... My bad !!!

I go back to the dietitian on Monday and will have to tell her that my proportion sizes are growing, and feeling hunger, I am hoping she will start to consider bringing my fill forward to 4 weeks instead of 6 weeks. I feel fantastic, I have hardly had pain and mobility has been great since day 4. I have read on a few threads that some bandsters are filled as early as 2-3 weeks and one of them was 3.5 weeks and had her second fill, isn't that amazing... I hope I can get one soon.

Weight loss up untill wednesday was still at 5.2kg down which was the same as when I started mushies. ... I must have over used the damn scales because the battery up and died on me and I haven't weighed myself in 3 whole days... can you beleive it !!!! I was in danger of becoming a serial weigher, morning, noon, arvo, night, after number 2's and so on, but kalma has arrived and I can no longer weigh. Now I have to wait untill monday unless I make a mad dash to the shops and get some batteries... I think I will wait.

I'll keep you posted...

1 Week Post-op = 5.2kg loss

2007-05-17T13:30:00.000+10:00

Well it's been 1 week already...... Everything is going really well, I can't believe how satisfied I am with the little amount I eat, we are talking 1/2 a cup at a time !!!! Earlier on in the week I was having half cup amounts every 2 hrs, I couldn't identify weather the growling in my tummy was hunger, wind, or just noise, and as I could take too much at a time I didn't want my energy levels to fade.

Yesterday I started having my 3 meals which consisted of optifast for brekky(just easy) soup for lunch and soup for dinner. In between I have fruit juice for morning and afternoon tea. I have made diet jelly and diet custard and diet cordial in case I feel I need something else, but I am making sure that anything else I have is calorie free. Of course I have about 1 litre of water also.

I saw the dietitian yesterday and she seemed really happy with how I was going, she wanted me to start mushies tomorrow, which is only day nine but I asked her is I could go till next Wednesday as I want to optimize my weight loss during this liquid stage, and I am feeling pretty ok with the soups and shakes at the moment.

here's the good part.... this morning I was 109.00kg. That is 5.2kg loss in 8 days. I am stoked!!!

Now for funny story;
....My husband who is about 15-20kg overweight, decided while I was on liquids he would do optifast (lazy shit just doesn't want to cook for himself)... anyway... he started it on Monday has a shake for brekky and dinner and a bar for lunch (can't let the boys see him have a sissy shake at work) and has also been having coffee, diet coke and 3 pieces of fruit a day. Last night (and that's a night time weigh!!!) he had dropped 5 kilo in 4 days.... can you believe it !!!! I am happy for him, and very proud, but now feel all my glory has gone and my cheer squad has abandoned me.

So now he wants a comp to see who looses 15kg first, and says I'm a chicken because I won't compete with him. I have told him that I am doing this properly, slowly and permanently, and he just (whilst elbowing me) says "Aaaawwww come on.... are ya scared I'll beat ya !!" like a yobbo bloke. While laughing I have to try and tell him this is about me "boyfriend !!" not you.. hehehe

men... can't live with them... can't live without them

The Before Photos

2007-05-14T10:51:00.000+10:00

Taken 8th May 2007

Ok... Now here are the UUUUUURgly before photos, that were taken the night before the op. I really didn't want to post these, but I think humiliating myself is part of the process of moving on to a new me and never wanting to come back. As you can see by my face I am not too comfortable about having these shots taken and yes I totally relaxed the belly in the 2nd photo which is normally 24/7 sucked in to look half respectable. I will endeavour to take photos in same position each month and post them.... and hope the progress is good !!!

12th May - 3 Days Post -Op

2007-05-12T22:07:00.000+10:00

That first day (day of surgery - day zero) I only had clear liquids, water and apple juice. Day 1 I had apple juice and a cup of black tea for breakfast, and lunch was strained chicken broth and runny custard (the sweetness was heaven)
I came home on Friday morning (day 2) my husband and boys had to go to Adelaide for a funeral and flew back Friday morning and came straight to pick me up. It was soooo nice to be home. I went straight to my bed (I love my bed) and slept for about 3 hours. I don't ever remember being soooo tired before. I think it's a combination of not sleeping well the week of the surgery, the anaesthesia, drugs and the nurses waking you in hospital all the time.
I'd like to add here that EVERY nurse I encountered at Warners Bay Private Hospital was absolutely beautiful, I have never had such a pleasant experience in hosp, or met such friendly, professional and caring nurses....thank you... thank you.... thank you......
Today is Saturday... I slept in... I got up as the family was leaving to go to play soccer and footy, I was little disappointed that I missed the games but was looking forward to just sitting and relaxing at home. Today has felt like it has revolved around food.
What to eat?....... When to eat?........ How much to eat?..... Am I eating too much?.....
I'm sure I will get used to it.
I'm writing this post tonight while the family is out at our friends 40th birthday BBQ, I have told everybody that I have a tummy bug and can't go. I'm just hoping my boys don't drop me into it. I have only told a selected few. 2 girls at work, mum & Dad, 2 close girlfriends, and my husband and boys of course. I'm sure I will tell others, but not just yet. Firstly I need to heal and start to loose weight to prove to myself I can do it.... then I can let others in.
Speaking of weight..... pre-op I weighed 114.2kg on their scales and I weighed myself as I was leaving and my weight was 112.1kg on the same scales, so that encouraging. I will wait till my dietitian appoint on wed to be weighed next...... don't want to jinx it..

Ok sitting in this chair is becoming painful, it must be time for more drugs..... Gotta go !!!

11th May - 2 Days Post -Op

2007-05-12T18:02:00.000+10:00

Well... Its done... I am Banded.....

I had my op on Wednesday, I got up at 5.30am got ready and took my kids to my girlfriends place so that she could get them off to school. I then proceeded to the hospital and arrived there at 6.45am as instructed. The nurse took me to my room and admitted me, asked lots of Q's and told me to have a shower and hop in the gown and relax. She then came back about an hour later and took me to be weighed... 114.2kg was the outcome, and then put the T.E.D stockings on , I then went back to my bed unpacked my gear and read my book till the dietitian came by and made sure I was aware of everything, asked me what I liked and disliked food wise and filled out my menu for the next 2 days.
They came and got me for surgery about 8.45am popped me on the trolley and as soon as they put the warm blankie on me my eyes started to shut (the last couple of days were catching up on me). The trolley sat outside the O.R for about 15min while I snoozed, and at one stage I heard a nurse comment that the pre-op needle must have worked quickly, in which I answered Naaah just tired. She said I was the most chilled out (non drugged) patient she had seen in ages.
Before I knew it I was back in my room, and slept until later in the afternoon when I had a visit from my girlfriend from work. I was still terribly groggy, god knows what I was saying to the poor girl. I got up a little later and changed into my PJ's and started sip sip sipping water. The pain wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but it was uncomfortable. I couldn't decide if it was wind, pain or pressure, but I just moaned and they drugged me up (gotta love the drugs !!)
I slept quiet restlessly the first night, especially as the painkillers started to wear off. They were giving me endone every 4 hrs, which made me sleep, but the best thing they gave me was the Zofran wafers for the nausea, even though I didn't actually feel really nauseous as soon as I had them the pain, pressure and yukky feeling I had seemed to go away.
Moving around wasn't to bad, I had expected it to be similar to when I had My Caesars, and it was nothing like it. Getting in and out of the bed and showering myself was fine, except when the drugs were in full swing....

The last Post - Pre-op

2007-05-08T23:25:00.000+10:00

Well its 11.30pm and I have finally finished everything, the house is spotless, everybody is packed, kids schoolstuff is ready, bathrooms and floors sparkling, so I thought I would post one last time.

We went to Wangi pub and had dinner tonight (the last supper) and Iwoofed down some gorgeous garlic prawns (the Dr's and nurses are gonna love me tomorrow hehehe) they were sooo yummy. It was just the 4 of us (the family), which doesn't often happen as we normally dine out with friend and their kids, and we had a lovely time, the kids were perfect and the food fab.

I am supposed to fast from 2am, so having my last diet coke.. (ppft I just wrote diet cock..... I wish... hubby is snoring) while the last load of washing is going through. Now that everything is done and ready, I feel very calm, I expected to be nervous tonight. I think me having a meltdown yesterday got all the pent up crap out of my system. I nearly had an accident yesterday morning on the way to work. I endedup getting there 10 min late after sitting in the car having a mini anxiety attack. When I went into work and one of the girls asked if I was ok, I just lost it, ended up crying and feeling sorry for myself for about 20 min. With Dave and boys going to Adelaide and trying to organise that (planes, hire car, credit card paid and cleared in time, clothes packed and so on) and unorganising the existing plans, as well as feeling a little let down that Dave wasn't going to be there was just all to much. And nearly going under a truck just topped it off. It's amazing how much better you feel after a cry. It was also hard because only 2 of the girls at work know about the op, and after this episode they were all hovering about while I was mentioning operations and hospitals, so I ended up telling the others I was having Gall bladder op. At least this allows for the 2 weeks recovery... the "girls stuff" wouldn't have cut it.

I am going to drive myself to the hospital in the morning and yeasterday was feeling awfully scared about flying solo, but after yesterday I have felt so much better, and now ready to stand up and take it like mother (men aren't as strong as mothers).

The next post I do will be in a few days where hopefully I can fill you in on the op and afterwards... just hope they don't refuse to do the op because of the garlic breath... lol
Cheers........

'Twas the night before......

2007-05-06T22:10:00.000+10:00

1 more sleep...1 more sleep doo dah...doo dah...

Well lets just say I am... excited, nervous, scared, anxious, excited, overjoyed, soo ready.. and did I mention excited.

I have spent the last 3 weeks organising people to have the kids morning of surgery, my parents to have them to stay over night, someone else to get them after school the next day till hubby gets home, all their clothes, frozen food, house neat as a pin, and hubby to have a couple of hours off tomorrow morn to take me to hosp, and a hundred other things. And then on sunday my husbands uncle (who was like a grandfather to him) passed away, and his funeral is on Thursday in Adelaide. So monday night we had to book flights for him (and he decided to take the kids) to leave on wednesday to fly to Adelaide, he decided he is leaving straight after work as he doesn't want to take too much time off as its a new job, so he can't go in late on wednesday.

I now have to drive myself to the hospital tomorrow, and leave my car there until friday when he gets back and asks a friend to take him to pick me and the car up. It's all seemed like systems go, changing all my plans and having to play "big tough Tarnya, who can go through this all by herself" I am now sitting here shiteing myself because I have to go there alone and then not have my "rock" to come in tomorrow night to give me hugs and kisses and tell me its all ok and the pain will go away soon.

I feel like a big sook, this has been planned for 2 months now and I'm just pissed that it's not going to plan (sorry uncle Keith, I know it's not your fault). I certainly don't want David not to go, I couldn't do that to him, and I really would have liked to go and see the family myself.

I thought about ringing Dr Wright, but I just DON'T WANT to put this off again. I was supposed to have the band done on the 18th April, but because Dave was starting a new job and we were uncertain of his starting date and what sort of shifts he would be doing, I put the op back 3 weeks, and it was sooooo very hard to get to the 18th and know I could have been having it done. I didn't want to do that again.

Ok... I am over feeling sorry for myself now.... and back to the excitement. I can do this, they will be back friday to take me home...

Wish me luck !!!!!!!
'Ciao'

6th May2007 - 3 More Sleeps

2007-05-06T12:58:00.000+10:00

I went to see the anaesthetist on thursday and all was well, he was very nice and aparently only 4 days younger than me , and as our birthdays were only 2 weeks agao, we chatted away and got along famously. Has anybody ever wondered why surgeons are so ummmm... non talkative and often distant and every anaesthesist that I have ever met are beautiful, lovely people with wonderful bedside manner. And they deal with sleeping people... I don't get it....

He was saying that the downside to laporoscopies other than the gas/shoulder tip pain is the nausea that it causes, so they now put in with the sleepy stuff, some zofran, something else and cortisone(has antinausea properties) to reduce the nausea and chances of vomiting afterwards, which was quiet reassuring.

Well I am mostly organised, today I got my bag packed, and made sure I put in the degas, peppermint tea, chubba chups, earplugs, lip balm, and all the other things that I have been advised I my need (special thanks to all those on Yahoo lapband message board for all their input). So at least thats all set... oh and of course I did pack Pj's and undies too.

Only 3 sleeps to go now and a little anxious and nervous, but just trying to keep busy. Trying to keep the house intact (despite the hubby and 2 kids...grrrrr) and in my wisdom pulled my front garden to pieces this morning, so I am knackered and already sore from using the maddock and shovel. I ended up with 4 barrows full of weeds/clippings/cuttings ... what was I thinking.... got rid of some frustration and stopped me annoying the family about making a mess..

Whoo hooo.... I am SOOOOO excited..

7 Sleep

2007-05-03T15:57:00.000+10:00

I'm so excited.... and I just cant hide it

I'm about to get a band and I just won't fight it

WHOOOO..... HOOOOOO

7 sleeps TO GO

Just thought you'd like to know ...hehehe !!!

1st May - 1 Week pre-op

2007-05-03T15:55:00.000+10:00

1 week to go.... (1st May 2007) ...My 14th wedding anniversary

I received the money from the Super Fund yesterday, and I paid my Surgeon today :( bye bye 4 grand....AND... HOPEFULLY... :)hello new me This week I have been madly cooking and cleaning... cooking soups for me and meals for the family... I am not under any circumstances cooking for them for a week... so its fend for yourselves or loose more weight than me... I have also been cleaning out clothes, kitchen, and O.M.G the linen and tupperware cupboards (last cleaned out ummmmm can't remember) I think I am nesting, maybe its nervous tention. Hubby is worried look slied on me all weekend with a weird look on his face... and asked me if I was going to hospital or runing off with an internet lover (maybe I'm spending too much time on the lapband threads you think !!)I've topped up all the supplies and half packed a bag (probably with crap I'll never use) 1 night= 2 PJ's and 1 nighty and 3 pairs of undies.... a girl can never be too prepared. So now all I have to do is try and get some sleep, i have just had trouble turning off at night...very wakeful... still looking at the clock at 2.45am the mind going 100km/hr. I'm working full time from now till next wednesday and the lack of sleep is KILLIN ME (zombie !!!) And the silly thing is I'm not scared, not of the op anyway, I think it's just all the after stuff, especially since all the stories differ so much. The fear of failure doesn't help either... "Is this realy going to work for me" sort of thing....Okay...now for some shut eye...8 more sleeps (semi-sleeps).

25th April - 2 weeks pre-op

2007-05-03T15:53:00.000+10:00

AAAAGGGHHHH..... I am so sick of myself. I feel I've been on an eat fest. The last 3 weekends have been really social for us and I have eaten and drunk WAY !!! too much. I feel like a glutten. I have purchased some optifast and Celebrity slim and will start that on Friday (thursday is my birthday... come onnn !!). The Dr hasn't suggested going on this prior to the op, he said I didn't need to, but I feel that I need some prep for 2 weeks of liquids post-op, and HEY every kilo lost is a bonus.I heard from Guild Super today, they have approved the release of funds and will deposit the amount after the ANZAC holiday, so maybe I will have $4200 in my bank for my birthday...2 weeks tomorrow !!!!! yeeeehaaa

23rd April - Early Release of Super Funds

2007-05-03T15:52:00.000+10:00

I now have 16 days till my surgery, and am very impatiently waiting... I am excited as well as nervous. I'm not nervous about the surgery as such but a fear of the aftermath... what if I fail?.... what if I don't loose weight?... What if I'm one of the 1% that gets slippage/complications?On a lighter note, I got my approval from Apra to release my Super Funds to cover the cost that the health fund doesn't cover.... I was so relieved... I have sent the forms off to The Guild Super and am just waiting to hear from them... so fingers crossed.

March 07 - 1st visit to the Doctor

2007-05-03T15:51:00.000+10:00

I had my appoint with the Dr and the dietician, all went well (apart from the fact that I had to get on the damn scales). I was 112kg and my BMI was 42. I booked in to have the op on the 18th April, but when I came home I realised that it was the school holidays so rebooked for the 9th May. I am sooooooo excited. Its going to cost $4200 out of pocket after health fund (but that includes all visits to him and the dietician and all fills free for 12months) I have been told about "early release of super funds" to help pay for life threatening illnesses, so I am going to pursue that. If they pay all well and good, if not well I sure I'll save that in my lifetime of dieting hairbrained schemes........................... Did I Tell you I am EXCITED !!!!!................................

Feb 07 - Thinking about Lapbanding

2007-05-03T15:50:00.000+10:00

I am just totally sick of being overweight. I have tried to do something about it numerous times, and usually do really well. I lost 26kg the first time I did Weight Watches, 12kg the second time, 15kg with Jenny Craig the first time and about the same the second time.The only problem is I just put the weight back on, and usually some more as well (wow what a bonus... not)I have made a decision to look into Lap banding. I rang a few Dr's and looked up a few web sites. I attended a seminar with Dr Wright and found out about the proceedure. I will make an appointment with him ASAP